winter welter
I feel crazy. I think that coming off of birth control is giving me anxiety and insomnia. Matt and I broke up. I keep finding his things around the house. Things that I forgot when I gathered everything up and dumped it on the counter and asked him if he wanted a bag. Books that he lent me, a book he brought over to cheer me up, his clippers that don't work, full of hair. I feel so empty. The bus feels like a silent singles bar. Sometimes I glimpse the void, try not to look, try to think of something to do. Alice told me that its always there, but everyone feels it. When the delicate fibres that protect you from it are shaken you realize just how close it is.
Yesterday I went to a craft fair with Sian and she told me things couldn't get worse. Later I was grocery shopping and found out an acquaintance had passed away. She had a history of mental health problems and couldn't take it anymore. All of these things are only reaffirming my fear and loathing of winter and the holiday season. Its sick, but death puts things into perspective somewhat.
I'll write nice things next entry.
Yesterday I went to a craft fair with Sian and she told me things couldn't get worse. Later I was grocery shopping and found out an acquaintance had passed away. She had a history of mental health problems and couldn't take it anymore. All of these things are only reaffirming my fear and loathing of winter and the holiday season. Its sick, but death puts things into perspective somewhat.
I'll write nice things next entry.