4:55 am
I'm sitting here on the computer with my day off just starting and i just felt like writing some things down here that i guess should be in here, so where to begin..
I'm 31 now getting closer to 32... yeah , and after a while u just can't think a certain way anymore and get to the realization of life in front of you and for most of the year i have confronted that. Things did appear thou that not many ppl know about and i've kept it to myself but i guess its just time to type it all out . First off, i have a heart condition. My vessles leading to my heart are slowly in time getting more in flamed and i have to take some medication to reduce the swelling. Yeah , it has the potention to be a life threatening issue if i dont take care of myself but so far i have so thats good news. As life goes on and on friends come and go and so another cycle is happening in my life in meeting new ppl and making new friends. For a long while there i felt so alone and it just made me sad and miserable but i knew in time that would be fixed up and im not alone anymore. You really dont know how important friends r until they come and go and i can definaltey say i miss alot of them. If i wanted too i could post so many names and describe each and everyone and how they are/were important to me but this post isnt about them, its about me and what exactly is it i was missing to make me happy in life again. Theres a bunch of ppl who look up to me in a way i never expected, that gives me joy. Theres ppl who can talk to me about anything and vice versa on a daily basis... i lost that for a while and now i have that back again... i work like a mad man 6 days a week just to save up and make a big move... what move that is im still not sure of but at least the motivation is back again to do so and thats what i needed again... motivation.
a new group of friends and one very "different" one ive befriended recently has definately made a impact on me more than i expected. i dont know what/where things like that will lead too but im not one to back away from something new, i enjoy new encounters and , like i always used to say, it never hurts to just ask....
"Sephiroth" will always be a part of me but to those who know me, Toby will last forever.
Im not sure y i wrote this all 2nite or even in LJ, i dont do these things anymore but i decided to let go and just be venting to myself and to anyone who even cares. Im not looking for any symphathy dont get me wrong, but after looking at my past 31 years, there so much i wish i could fix up with what i know now... such is life.
Thanks guys for everything, present and pass. i have a feeling this may be my final journal entry, its time to move on. Good luck, all of you =)
Toby Daniel Angeles
I'm 31 now getting closer to 32... yeah , and after a while u just can't think a certain way anymore and get to the realization of life in front of you and for most of the year i have confronted that. Things did appear thou that not many ppl know about and i've kept it to myself but i guess its just time to type it all out . First off, i have a heart condition. My vessles leading to my heart are slowly in time getting more in flamed and i have to take some medication to reduce the swelling. Yeah , it has the potention to be a life threatening issue if i dont take care of myself but so far i have so thats good news. As life goes on and on friends come and go and so another cycle is happening in my life in meeting new ppl and making new friends. For a long while there i felt so alone and it just made me sad and miserable but i knew in time that would be fixed up and im not alone anymore. You really dont know how important friends r until they come and go and i can definaltey say i miss alot of them. If i wanted too i could post so many names and describe each and everyone and how they are/were important to me but this post isnt about them, its about me and what exactly is it i was missing to make me happy in life again. Theres a bunch of ppl who look up to me in a way i never expected, that gives me joy. Theres ppl who can talk to me about anything and vice versa on a daily basis... i lost that for a while and now i have that back again... i work like a mad man 6 days a week just to save up and make a big move... what move that is im still not sure of but at least the motivation is back again to do so and thats what i needed again... motivation.
a new group of friends and one very "different" one ive befriended recently has definately made a impact on me more than i expected. i dont know what/where things like that will lead too but im not one to back away from something new, i enjoy new encounters and , like i always used to say, it never hurts to just ask....
"Sephiroth" will always be a part of me but to those who know me, Toby will last forever.
Im not sure y i wrote this all 2nite or even in LJ, i dont do these things anymore but i decided to let go and just be venting to myself and to anyone who even cares. Im not looking for any symphathy dont get me wrong, but after looking at my past 31 years, there so much i wish i could fix up with what i know now... such is life.
Thanks guys for everything, present and pass. i have a feeling this may be my final journal entry, its time to move on. Good luck, all of you =)
Toby Daniel Angeles