sebastian...
#13
oops i did it again. ill share a quick story prior to todays revelations.
around the age of 10 my family took a trip to san fransisco and stayed at some sort of old fashioned home style hotel for a weeks time on my grandfathers bill. with it being a worldwide fact that my grandpa likes food alot, it should be of no surprise that we ended up at a white tablecloth restaurant late the first evening of our arrival, ready for a proper and long overdue gorging.
now im not too to sure of the details as i was pretty young, in fact, i dont remember wot i had ordered ( although you can be sure there was ketchup involved ) but i do know that my mom wanted lobster, and that i'd be damned if she thought she was actually going to eat it. the way i saw it, if i can make my toilet real, then a dead lobster should be no exception as i laid either a massive guilt trip on mom, or screamed my ass off before acquiring my newest best friend in the whole world, lobby. he slept in the freezer at night and went everywhere with me during the day for a week prior to his timely disposal between gates c and d in lax airport vis a vis travel laws and a really foul smell.
thirteen years later im at work watching my chef shove a live crab in my co workers faces while telling everyone how hes going to cook them. how to scoop the face off, etc...it was a bit much. i dont know if its the recent wave of worldwide cruelty ( thats been made apparent at least ) or just me being the fucking crab ambassador, but of course i take it upon myself to liberate the little guy.
so here i am with a one clawed crab in my bathtub and i just dropped 150 dollars that i dont have on a tank, gravel, filters, and food. wot is wrong with me!? im currently filling the tank up with filtered brita water very slowly for wotever reason while trying to figure out how this thing is supposed to survive. unsurprisingly there are way more websites providing information on how to cook him as opposed to how to care for him, but i think ive found some stuff.
nuno has dubbed him timothy the crab which will stay, and hopefully the name wont outlive the beast as the poor guy isnt looking so hot. i just picked him up and switched him over to the tank which is filled with deep water to virtually no water in order to better understand his preference but hes not going anywhere. if i lose this one im never getting that pony.
update: well its 11:53 on saturday morning and timothy the crab has died and is sitting on my lap. timothy didnt need salt water as only female blue crabs reside in hi saline waters to spawn where as males can live in either fresh water or low saline waters. i highly doubt however that bath water counts as fresh water and after a day without water entirely, as soon as i let him in the tub he started sucking it in pretty fast prior to me putting him in his tank where he was already pretty incoherent. either way im pretty sad as he more or less suffered because of my good intentions, but at least he didnt die going down some fucking pretentious businessman named johnson's throat while he was "buying low" or "showing the boys how its done" or wotever. ill will keep him around for a little bit however and his memory will always live on both through his fighting spirit and also through the large dent in my wallet. youll be missed timothy the crab. poor guy.xXx!
love from brandon
oops i did it again. ill share a quick story prior to todays revelations.
around the age of 10 my family took a trip to san fransisco and stayed at some sort of old fashioned home style hotel for a weeks time on my grandfathers bill. with it being a worldwide fact that my grandpa likes food alot, it should be of no surprise that we ended up at a white tablecloth restaurant late the first evening of our arrival, ready for a proper and long overdue gorging.
now im not too to sure of the details as i was pretty young, in fact, i dont remember wot i had ordered ( although you can be sure there was ketchup involved ) but i do know that my mom wanted lobster, and that i'd be damned if she thought she was actually going to eat it. the way i saw it, if i can make my toilet real, then a dead lobster should be no exception as i laid either a massive guilt trip on mom, or screamed my ass off before acquiring my newest best friend in the whole world, lobby. he slept in the freezer at night and went everywhere with me during the day for a week prior to his timely disposal between gates c and d in lax airport vis a vis travel laws and a really foul smell.
thirteen years later im at work watching my chef shove a live crab in my co workers faces while telling everyone how hes going to cook them. how to scoop the face off, etc...it was a bit much. i dont know if its the recent wave of worldwide cruelty ( thats been made apparent at least ) or just me being the fucking crab ambassador, but of course i take it upon myself to liberate the little guy.
so here i am with a one clawed crab in my bathtub and i just dropped 150 dollars that i dont have on a tank, gravel, filters, and food. wot is wrong with me!? im currently filling the tank up with filtered brita water very slowly for wotever reason while trying to figure out how this thing is supposed to survive. unsurprisingly there are way more websites providing information on how to cook him as opposed to how to care for him, but i think ive found some stuff.
nuno has dubbed him timothy the crab which will stay, and hopefully the name wont outlive the beast as the poor guy isnt looking so hot. i just picked him up and switched him over to the tank which is filled with deep water to virtually no water in order to better understand his preference but hes not going anywhere. if i lose this one im never getting that pony.
update: well its 11:53 on saturday morning and timothy the crab has died and is sitting on my lap. timothy didnt need salt water as only female blue crabs reside in hi saline waters to spawn where as males can live in either fresh water or low saline waters. i highly doubt however that bath water counts as fresh water and after a day without water entirely, as soon as i let him in the tub he started sucking it in pretty fast prior to me putting him in his tank where he was already pretty incoherent. either way im pretty sad as he more or less suffered because of my good intentions, but at least he didnt die going down some fucking pretentious businessman named johnson's throat while he was "buying low" or "showing the boys how its done" or wotever. ill will keep him around for a little bit however and his memory will always live on both through his fighting spirit and also through the large dent in my wallet. youll be missed timothy the crab. poor guy.xXx!
love from brandon