I am deeply unhappy
I have no reason to be unhappy. I just am. I feel trapped. I am tired of the same faces. I'm tired of the sameness of Wellesley and the neverending reptition of everything. It's lost the novelty. I can't leave either. I've made committments. I'm on the Board of Admissions and I'm directing. I want to do these things, but these things keep me here.
I hate Severance. I asked to move back to Caz. Now, I think that moving is not a solution. I'm just running away form the problem. It might not solve anything I could still feel really isolated and alone. Maybe I shoudl learn to love hte hermetic existence I chose for myself. I like alone time, but it is always alone time or it is time with crazy people.
I also feel like I am so much more mature than 95% of the people here. They can be so childish sometimes. I cannot throw myself into that with such wild abandoment. I feel like I've moved on already. I know what I want to do; I just want to be doing it. I feel like Wellesley right now is about biding my time for the next part of the journey. Even telling myself how much I cna get my writing to improve over ht enext two years isn't cherring me up the way it used to. It's funny how I look on being able to write well as one of the most important things.
I also feel extremely stupid and like I will fail everything this semester. I am so fearful of not being able to write well though out papers and failing my religion midterm and being the complete idiot in the Shakespeare class. Even my indpendent study makes me feel stupid. The more I learn, the less I know. It's so frustrating.
I am making myself sick again. I also think I am getting fat. I feel sluggish all the time and heavy in my body. It makes me feel gross and so unsexy.
The only good thing today was that A-Ro and I went to get breakfast early in the morning in the ville. It was nice and made me smile.
I need to go do homework.
I hate Severance. I asked to move back to Caz. Now, I think that moving is not a solution. I'm just running away form the problem. It might not solve anything I could still feel really isolated and alone. Maybe I shoudl learn to love hte hermetic existence I chose for myself. I like alone time, but it is always alone time or it is time with crazy people.
I also feel like I am so much more mature than 95% of the people here. They can be so childish sometimes. I cannot throw myself into that with such wild abandoment. I feel like I've moved on already. I know what I want to do; I just want to be doing it. I feel like Wellesley right now is about biding my time for the next part of the journey. Even telling myself how much I cna get my writing to improve over ht enext two years isn't cherring me up the way it used to. It's funny how I look on being able to write well as one of the most important things.
I also feel extremely stupid and like I will fail everything this semester. I am so fearful of not being able to write well though out papers and failing my religion midterm and being the complete idiot in the Shakespeare class. Even my indpendent study makes me feel stupid. The more I learn, the less I know. It's so frustrating.
I am making myself sick again. I also think I am getting fat. I feel sluggish all the time and heavy in my body. It makes me feel gross and so unsexy.
The only good thing today was that A-Ro and I went to get breakfast early in the morning in the ville. It was nice and made me smile.
I need to go do homework.