pinocytosis

[toastviager]

why do i try so god damned hard? to make someone see what they are missing. and yet im broken in the beginning. how can i  do something wonderful if i cant even give to myself? gah, trivial matters are always the ones overseen till too late. i loved him. what did i see? taken for a ride called love. it will kick you around, mess with your mind till no more. left for dead id suppose. ive heard that you can control who you fall in love with. i wonder if the person who thought this up was ever in love himself.  so this will be my rambling. i think about how alex deals with me, and how justin does. i see such a difference. whether its good or bad, ya never know. but i think i know in my heart, that if it came down to it. id know who id retire with. i just never know till its too late. its been years since ive toyed with the idea of dating and guys. till my break out of my box blind date. that i could have sworn went better with my friend than alex.  so in the end, i found myself taken by this very tall guy. who seemed to care. but i remember the old ladies talking about men in general. that the first few weeks, you shouldnt trust what you see. after the first month or so you will be able to see the real man behind the front that ppl put on. why didnt i listen? im usually good about that thing. i guess i dont regret meet alex. i dont think i ever will. i regret it not being my fairy tale prince sweeping me off my feet. to grace me with the warmth that i dont have. ah, well... maybe in this time/age, im asking for too much. im not here to complain about alex. the poor boy has enough problems, i just wanted something sweet tasting.
against his morals he says. ha! what morals? when did u acquire such nonsense?!

bah, i wont. i wont call, i wont im. i wont respond. ive got things to do. i cant bother myself with this.

S