all right, so let's all have a little laugh at my expense
have you ever had one of those days that is just really fucking shitty? i'm not talking about the day you found out your mom died or the day you were diagnosed with cancer, nothing seriously tragic, but just a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day? of course you have. i mean, crappy days aren't uncommon. but i really had a doozy of a day on monday. i mean, damn, this is the kind of day that will haunt me with it's horror.
so sunday i sat out in the sun for a few hours and even though i applied sunscreen, i got a horrible sunburn. the tops of my feet got an especially horrendous burn. on monday the pain was practically off the charts. i couldn't put on shoes and my bra straps were rubbing the burn on my chest in a very unpleasant manner. and i can't even talk about pants and what they were doing to the burn on my stomach and thighs. but i had to go to work. so i gamely put on my CVS uniform, despite being chaffed in a most discourteous manner by the polyester shirt. i couldn't manage to wear sneakers, so i put on flip-flops. they still hurt, but at least i could walk -- sort of. with each step the thong of the shoe slapped the burn and the cuff of my pants scraped along my poor feet. so needless to say, my day at work was exceedingly painful and by the end of my shift my burns were throbbing.
finally, it was four o'clock and i could go home. i limped to my car, put the key in the ignition and... nothing. the fucking battery is dead. why oh why is the battery dead? i have lights that automatically turn off with the car. but thanks to a broken relay somewhere the damn lights did not turn off. two guys helped me move my car from behind the dumpster and to a place in the parking lot where they could actually jump my car. twenty minutes later i was off, annoyed but glad to be going home. i drive towards my parents' place because i have to swing by the bank and then talk to my dad about the car and whether or not to take it to the mechanic right away. the lights won't turn off, even when i manually shut them off. once i get to the parents' i find that although the lights won't turn off with the car on, when it is off they do go off, if i have the automatic daytime lights disabled. awesome, i can take it in later to have the problem fixed.
so as i am getting into my car, my fat ass hits the electric seat buttons and moves the seat back forward. i try to move it back, but to my horror the stupid button has somehow broken and now the seat is stuck at an acute angle. now i am forced to drive the car hunched over, practically steering with my nose. AWESOME. i decide that i really need a sandwich from subway, because my day cannot possibly suck any more, and i could use a tasty BMT to cheer me up. so i drive into town, in my car which now not only has no AC but is also forcing me to drive in a position that is giving me scoliosis.
i pull into the metered lot across from subway and run inside. i do not put money in the meter because it was 5:30 and meters are free after six. about ten minutes later i emerge and walk back to my car. it is hot, my sunburn hurts, my back now hurts and i am still in that stupid CVS uniform. i just want to go home. i get to my vehicle, only to see the meterman giving me a ticket. oh sweet jesus, i think, this is totally ridiculous. he looks at me and just shakes his head. i know he knows me because he comes in to CVS all the time and i am still wearing that damn uniform. i stand there awkwardly as he finishes writing the ticket. finally i get into my car and drive off. now with an eight dollar parking ticket. goddammit.
i pull into my new apartment complex (this is kind of important, it's new to me and i'm not totally used to it yet.) i run into my building and try to unlock my door. but the fucking key is sticking. i have been having issues with this door since day one and i haven't quite figured out the trick to opening it successfully. so i put my stuff on the ground and try to open the lock again. i'm struggling with this stupid lock for a good three minutes, when all of the sudden, the door swings open and a disheveled guy in his boxer shorts looks out and asks me, "um... what are you doing". yes, i was desperately trying to open the door to someone else's apartment. i stood there gaping at him, i'm sure turning bright red, but it would have been impossible to tell because i was already practically fuchsia from the sunburn. i gasped a few times and managed to say, "oh-my-god-i'm-so-sorry-i'm-trying-to-get-in-to-the-wrong-apartment-i'm-a-moron. i'm so sorry. I'VE HAD A REALLY FUCKING SHITTY DAY!!!" now imagine i'm saying this with my voice rising in pitch in volume until i shout/wail the last part in total agony. then i pick up my stuff and run away. now, in my "defense", all the apartments look the same on the inside. the buildings have different letters, (i live in K, i entered J) but on the inside all the apartments are numbered 1-12 and look identical. not in my defense is that i have a welcome mat that was clearly not present in front of the apartment i was attempting to enter.
so that was my monday. a rolling ball of shit finally accumulating in what might very well be the most embarrassing moment of my life.
the end.
so sunday i sat out in the sun for a few hours and even though i applied sunscreen, i got a horrible sunburn. the tops of my feet got an especially horrendous burn. on monday the pain was practically off the charts. i couldn't put on shoes and my bra straps were rubbing the burn on my chest in a very unpleasant manner. and i can't even talk about pants and what they were doing to the burn on my stomach and thighs. but i had to go to work. so i gamely put on my CVS uniform, despite being chaffed in a most discourteous manner by the polyester shirt. i couldn't manage to wear sneakers, so i put on flip-flops. they still hurt, but at least i could walk -- sort of. with each step the thong of the shoe slapped the burn and the cuff of my pants scraped along my poor feet. so needless to say, my day at work was exceedingly painful and by the end of my shift my burns were throbbing.
finally, it was four o'clock and i could go home. i limped to my car, put the key in the ignition and... nothing. the fucking battery is dead. why oh why is the battery dead? i have lights that automatically turn off with the car. but thanks to a broken relay somewhere the damn lights did not turn off. two guys helped me move my car from behind the dumpster and to a place in the parking lot where they could actually jump my car. twenty minutes later i was off, annoyed but glad to be going home. i drive towards my parents' place because i have to swing by the bank and then talk to my dad about the car and whether or not to take it to the mechanic right away. the lights won't turn off, even when i manually shut them off. once i get to the parents' i find that although the lights won't turn off with the car on, when it is off they do go off, if i have the automatic daytime lights disabled. awesome, i can take it in later to have the problem fixed.
so as i am getting into my car, my fat ass hits the electric seat buttons and moves the seat back forward. i try to move it back, but to my horror the stupid button has somehow broken and now the seat is stuck at an acute angle. now i am forced to drive the car hunched over, practically steering with my nose. AWESOME. i decide that i really need a sandwich from subway, because my day cannot possibly suck any more, and i could use a tasty BMT to cheer me up. so i drive into town, in my car which now not only has no AC but is also forcing me to drive in a position that is giving me scoliosis.
i pull into the metered lot across from subway and run inside. i do not put money in the meter because it was 5:30 and meters are free after six. about ten minutes later i emerge and walk back to my car. it is hot, my sunburn hurts, my back now hurts and i am still in that stupid CVS uniform. i just want to go home. i get to my vehicle, only to see the meterman giving me a ticket. oh sweet jesus, i think, this is totally ridiculous. he looks at me and just shakes his head. i know he knows me because he comes in to CVS all the time and i am still wearing that damn uniform. i stand there awkwardly as he finishes writing the ticket. finally i get into my car and drive off. now with an eight dollar parking ticket. goddammit.
i pull into my new apartment complex (this is kind of important, it's new to me and i'm not totally used to it yet.) i run into my building and try to unlock my door. but the fucking key is sticking. i have been having issues with this door since day one and i haven't quite figured out the trick to opening it successfully. so i put my stuff on the ground and try to open the lock again. i'm struggling with this stupid lock for a good three minutes, when all of the sudden, the door swings open and a disheveled guy in his boxer shorts looks out and asks me, "um... what are you doing". yes, i was desperately trying to open the door to someone else's apartment. i stood there gaping at him, i'm sure turning bright red, but it would have been impossible to tell because i was already practically fuchsia from the sunburn. i gasped a few times and managed to say, "oh-my-god-i'm-so-sorry-i'm-trying-to-get-in-to-the-wrong-apartment-i'm-a-moron. i'm so sorry. I'VE HAD A REALLY FUCKING SHITTY DAY!!!" now imagine i'm saying this with my voice rising in pitch in volume until i shout/wail the last part in total agony. then i pick up my stuff and run away. now, in my "defense", all the apartments look the same on the inside. the buildings have different letters, (i live in K, i entered J) but on the inside all the apartments are numbered 1-12 and look identical. not in my defense is that i have a welcome mat that was clearly not present in front of the apartment i was attempting to enter.
so that was my monday. a rolling ball of shit finally accumulating in what might very well be the most embarrassing moment of my life.
the end.