so green
you get used to being alone, find it comforting in a way. my awkwardness would keep me away from most. i can flirt and be so obviously in love with someone but never get close to them, that's the hard part. but it's times like these when it changes. all i do is work and sleep and i am sick purely because i am sick of being somewhere so much that it physically effects me. and i am belittled. but yet now i have to be there even more because i have to make ten thousand dollars by august for school. i know it won't be done but i gotta get as close as possible. and any hopes of finding someone to make it all better is gone. and that feeling i get when sleeping or watching tv is one day going to overflow and choke me....i just know it. how long can one go without friends?