wow its been a long time
I totally forgot about this entire site. Things have been going in ways I never would have expected this year in my life. My world turned upside down with my Mom's condition, knowing that she doesnt have much time left on this world. Who would have thought someone who was healthy, ate right, no health conditions, then have cancer. Knowing also that my future wife, kids, family would never get to know my Mom. I can't fathom what life will be without her losing her before i even graduate college. This has affected a lot of things in my life. For starters, my school work. Even though her surgery was almost 5 months ago, I still am worried and distracted. With my loser self not having many friends my age, i dont have many people to turn too. Once friends did find out they worried about her than forgot about it after so long. I dont know if they are avoiding talking about it or just dont remember? You would think, if a friends mom is sick you would ask about her to see if things are going well. It makes me feel better knowing that people would care. I dont know if this whole situation has affected me in a whole. Im survivng in school kinda. I still am not taking full advantage or listening to what people are saying to improve in my studies in classes. It seems i have to wait till i fail then realize what i need to do. Weirdly i think i will take advantage of the help when i transfer to Curry in 2 years. I feel too distracted, i want to change the whole scenery in this area. I feel almost invisible sometimes. Like i am a nice guy, if i talk to a girl and get friendly they automatically assume i want to go out with them, or get in their pants. WTF. When i meet someone in one of my classes and want to chill they either are too busy or not interested. why is it so hard. Is it me? im nice, socialble. Im not the same person in high school, ive changed for the better, i dont say stupid shit and get myself in trouble. So confusing. Then the people i am friends with, i have to fucking call to chill. Why do i always have to call them. Plus im not like half my friends, they all smoke weed and drink. thats not me... I have goals for myself and since im college i would expect to meet people and become friends. I heard that you meet your lifelong friends in colllege. Does it mean i have to wait until i transfer to the east coast? that shouldnt happen... Most people that are friends live on the east coast. Why? Are they different over there? i doubt it maybe they understand me better ? i dont know. It seems that at a junior college, people just go to school and leave. iwant to hang out and meet people and socialize. great me ranting about shit no one really cares about. At least i got it off my chest.