(no subject)
Well, that lasted about 5 months. New record?
I am so goddamned tired of going through this. It never gets any easier.
I had a big, semi-comedic routine going through my head about how completely fucking ridiculous I am post-breakup. I don't feel like typing it all out. It doesn't matter how long the relationship lasted or how serious it was, it ends the same way. I think love (or even affection in general) is like a drug, it's like I'm going through withdrawals afterward just knowing that it's gone. Basically it always comes down to me:
- Freaking out and crying hysterically
- Groveling at embarrassing levels just trying to work things out (even though I did the breaking up this time...always thought it would be easier that way. Nope.)
- Losing 10-15 pounds when I'm already grossly skinny just because I get so stressed out it makes me so nauseous and physically sick that I can't really eat more than a few bites a day for weeks.
- Downing entire pints of whiskey at a time on my own trying to counteract the stress (which apparently, once I've reached the point of seeing double and can't sit up straight, makes me giggly and cuddly and forget that the guy I'm cuddling up with was the reason I was crying in the first damn place)
- Taking painkillers just to calm myself the fuck down enough to function during the day. Thankfully, I only had one left and I took care of it Saturday. Yeah, with a pint of whiskey. I'm smart. No more of that shit.
You know, I'm usually always such a calm, laid back person. I don't know what the fuck comes over me in these situations but I know it has to annoy the living hell out of everyone around me so I just want to apologize in advance. This one was real, and it really hurt. And I still can't make any goddamn sense out of him or me or anything else that's going on right now. I'm going to be a wreck for a while. I just want to be over this shit.
I am so goddamned tired of going through this. It never gets any easier.
I had a big, semi-comedic routine going through my head about how completely fucking ridiculous I am post-breakup. I don't feel like typing it all out. It doesn't matter how long the relationship lasted or how serious it was, it ends the same way. I think love (or even affection in general) is like a drug, it's like I'm going through withdrawals afterward just knowing that it's gone. Basically it always comes down to me:
- Freaking out and crying hysterically
- Groveling at embarrassing levels just trying to work things out (even though I did the breaking up this time...always thought it would be easier that way. Nope.)
- Losing 10-15 pounds when I'm already grossly skinny just because I get so stressed out it makes me so nauseous and physically sick that I can't really eat more than a few bites a day for weeks.
- Downing entire pints of whiskey at a time on my own trying to counteract the stress (which apparently, once I've reached the point of seeing double and can't sit up straight, makes me giggly and cuddly and forget that the guy I'm cuddling up with was the reason I was crying in the first damn place)
- Taking painkillers just to calm myself the fuck down enough to function during the day. Thankfully, I only had one left and I took care of it Saturday. Yeah, with a pint of whiskey. I'm smart. No more of that shit.
You know, I'm usually always such a calm, laid back person. I don't know what the fuck comes over me in these situations but I know it has to annoy the living hell out of everyone around me so I just want to apologize in advance. This one was real, and it really hurt. And I still can't make any goddamn sense out of him or me or anything else that's going on right now. I'm going to be a wreck for a while. I just want to be over this shit.