There is the relief of finally being alone where no one can take anything from you.
It's been a long long time since I've been alone with my thoughts. I mean, I suppose I have been alone with them, but it's been so long since I've written them down. I've always been a failure at journals of any sort, mostly because I hate looking back and seeing what I've written. I get quite fed up with myself. Sometimes, though, I get the urge to get all my thoughts out and clear my brain up. I feel like, during the school year, my brain is just so crowded with way too many things that I never really get the chance to think clearly. I'm always bombarded by schedules, assignments, responsibilities, worries, etc. It's like I have to flash from emotion to emotion really quickly. It's tiring. I have no idea if any of this even makes sense. In my mind it does. That's probably why I tend to keep these thoughts in my head...maybe they only make any sense there.
I guess I'm just really really done with this year. I need a new environment. It's not like I hate Arlington or the high school or the people around me. I think all of that is pretty great, actually. I'm just ready for something new. I'm ready to be really independent, to be off on my own, meeting new people and experiencing new things. I can't wait to be at Northeastern (hopefully) with my super soul mate being completely and utterly fabulous. I'm jaded I guess. Bored. I want something to excite me and challenge me, something to make me feel passionate. I guess that's the problem...I feel really blah. Kind of emotionless and empty. Not happy, not really depressed, just stuck somewhere in the middle. I'm not complaining. Things could obviously be way way worse. I'm just trying to figure it out. I crave being really really excited about something and feeling truly, genuinely, blissfully happy. Like that really pure feeling of happiness. Comfort. Contentment. Those are what are lacking right now. I guess I'll just have to keep sorting things out and trying to find those feelings again.
Sigh. Oh emoness.
Just to make up for that, I'll end with a list of things that did make me happy today:
1. Valentines!
2. Drinking Copley Square Vanilla tea (thanks soul mate!<3)
3. Naomi stopping by for a visit
4. Realizing that tomorrow is Friday and then VACATION
Ciao bellas!
I guess I'm just really really done with this year. I need a new environment. It's not like I hate Arlington or the high school or the people around me. I think all of that is pretty great, actually. I'm just ready for something new. I'm ready to be really independent, to be off on my own, meeting new people and experiencing new things. I can't wait to be at Northeastern (hopefully) with my super soul mate being completely and utterly fabulous. I'm jaded I guess. Bored. I want something to excite me and challenge me, something to make me feel passionate. I guess that's the problem...I feel really blah. Kind of emotionless and empty. Not happy, not really depressed, just stuck somewhere in the middle. I'm not complaining. Things could obviously be way way worse. I'm just trying to figure it out. I crave being really really excited about something and feeling truly, genuinely, blissfully happy. Like that really pure feeling of happiness. Comfort. Contentment. Those are what are lacking right now. I guess I'll just have to keep sorting things out and trying to find those feelings again.
Sigh. Oh emoness.
Just to make up for that, I'll end with a list of things that did make me happy today:
1. Valentines!
2. Drinking Copley Square Vanilla tea (thanks soul mate!<3)
3. Naomi stopping by for a visit
4. Realizing that tomorrow is Friday and then VACATION
Ciao bellas!