(no subject)
So all semester I've looked forward to moving on, to leaving TNU. I hated this semester, and I just wanted to leave. So now that I'm leaving tomorrow, why is it so hard? I'm doubting my decisions. I was so confident, so excited about the future.
I've had a great week hanging out with my girlfriends. Movies, dance parties in our rooms, molten chocolate cake... this is what I like about being up here! I'm hoping that once I leave it'll be ok, once I get back home. I honestly did NOT think it would be this difficult. I don't want to cry when I leave. I know it's not too late.. yet.. to change my mind. I went from being so confident and so planned out to being so unsure of everything I've chosen. It's not fun like that all the time, but I find myself realizing I'm really going to miss these people, and then I think,
"What have I done?"
And then I wonder if I'm messing up God's plan for my life. Should I learn perseverance, should I stick it out one more year? Did I miss a lesson I was supposed to learn? Granted, it's already been a growing & learning year for me, in so many ways. But I can't help wondering if I've messed up. Did I not see a sign, hear a word that I should have? Is this totally the wrong path for me? What's 8 more months of Trevecca, really?
Then I think about the year more closely.. stressful cheerleading situations, friends with boyfriends all the time, a bad TV program, lame classes, a job I hated, routine, a church I didn't grow in, loneliness...
Oh God you've promised to provide the peace that passes understanding.. why do I not feel it? Why do I not feel the closeness I once felt? I want to follow the path You've laid out for me. I thought I was there... why is it so scary? Why do I doubt it so much? You haven't commanded me to fear, but to TRUST... in your timing, in your ways, in your plan... one step at a time, one day at a time... Lord get me out of this valley and over this hump. I NEED YOU. There's not a second of any day that I don't need your grace in my life for the ways I mess up, for the ways I am less than You ask of me. There's not a time when I don't need your gentle voice commanding me.. There's not even a time that I don't need Your discipline.
Here goes nothing...
I've had a great week hanging out with my girlfriends. Movies, dance parties in our rooms, molten chocolate cake... this is what I like about being up here! I'm hoping that once I leave it'll be ok, once I get back home. I honestly did NOT think it would be this difficult. I don't want to cry when I leave. I know it's not too late.. yet.. to change my mind. I went from being so confident and so planned out to being so unsure of everything I've chosen. It's not fun like that all the time, but I find myself realizing I'm really going to miss these people, and then I think,
"What have I done?"
And then I wonder if I'm messing up God's plan for my life. Should I learn perseverance, should I stick it out one more year? Did I miss a lesson I was supposed to learn? Granted, it's already been a growing & learning year for me, in so many ways. But I can't help wondering if I've messed up. Did I not see a sign, hear a word that I should have? Is this totally the wrong path for me? What's 8 more months of Trevecca, really?
Then I think about the year more closely.. stressful cheerleading situations, friends with boyfriends all the time, a bad TV program, lame classes, a job I hated, routine, a church I didn't grow in, loneliness...
Oh God you've promised to provide the peace that passes understanding.. why do I not feel it? Why do I not feel the closeness I once felt? I want to follow the path You've laid out for me. I thought I was there... why is it so scary? Why do I doubt it so much? You haven't commanded me to fear, but to TRUST... in your timing, in your ways, in your plan... one step at a time, one day at a time... Lord get me out of this valley and over this hump. I NEED YOU. There's not a second of any day that I don't need your grace in my life for the ways I mess up, for the ways I am less than You ask of me. There's not a time when I don't need your gentle voice commanding me.. There's not even a time that I don't need Your discipline.
Here goes nothing...