Welcome to My Hell
fuck Fuck FUck FUCk FUCK!
I love her, and that's killing me.
Now, let's put some back story behind that:
The "her" is Katie McConnell, and the current ASMSers already know who she is and what the big deal is. For you others, she's basically amazing. Smart, kind, funny, beautiful. She has it all. Now, see, my problem is just the small fact that she's dating my best friend and roommate, and they both love each other.
I can't help that I love her, I really can't. If I could, trust me, I would stop, because my life is going to complete shit because of all this. I just wish that I could put her in the very back of my mind just temporarily, maybe let me see what else is out there. But no one is as amazing as she is. Plus, even if I could do that, I've already made the fucking stupid promise to myself that as long as I attend ASMS, my first kiss has to be with her. Basically, either I kiss her, or I don't get my first kiss till college. I want my first to be special, and I don't think anything could be more special than it being with her.
Seeing them together just bothers me so much. But what bothers me even more is that I can't accept that they're together and happy with each other. The week before Prom, I was able to accept it. I was able to be happy for them, and show my acceptance. But then, Friday rolled around and I suddenly couldn't stand it. It depressed me so much to see them together. But I was still able to keep certain amount of happiness, because, at her insistence that I try to be a more optimistic person, I was looking forward to the dance that she told me she planned on letting me have at Prom.
Fastforward to Prom night. After waiting for Grace to finish getting ready, during which time I had to see Katie and Jason together numerous times, we finally left and went to Ruby Tuesday for dinner. It was just Grace, Phillip, and me, and I couldn't have asked for a better group to go with. Once we ate, we headed to the Holiday Inn, and we were about 15 minutes early. Because of this, we got to mess around a little bit before people really started showing up, and it was fun. But then people started arriving, and I knew my night of fun was over. Sat through about 95% of the dance, but I did dance twice... just neither of those was with Katie. I danced with Grace, and then Keke, Megan, Kayla, and Kimmy all made me get up and dance. It wouldn't have been so bad if I never had to see Jason and Katie, but they came up to where me and Phillip were sitting, talked for a little bit, and then started MAKING OUT! I looked at Phillip, and was just like "Let's get the fuck away from here." So we moved to the other side of the room, and they eventually followed us there, too. I was so glad once Prom was over. After that, me and five other guys went to a hotel, and the next day went to the beach where we almost all got burned, and I developed 2nd degree burns on my shoulders.
One of the things that bothers me most of all is that Jason is ending this year the same way he started it, in relation to me. At the beginning, he blew off me and our friendship to be with Lauren, and he's doing that now with Katie. We don't really talk anymore, because the only thing he lets be important in his life is her, and I can't stand to hear him talk about that. I mean, if I end things unpleasantly with Katie, I still have a whole nother year to patch things up. I don't know when he thinks he'll have time to make up for all this.
I just hate that since everyone is coupling up, I'm constantly left out of things. I want to be part of a couple just so I can regain my friends.
So yeah, that's my life for ya. Shit, I'm such a wreck.
I love her, and that's killing me.
Now, let's put some back story behind that:
The "her" is Katie McConnell, and the current ASMSers already know who she is and what the big deal is. For you others, she's basically amazing. Smart, kind, funny, beautiful. She has it all. Now, see, my problem is just the small fact that she's dating my best friend and roommate, and they both love each other.
I can't help that I love her, I really can't. If I could, trust me, I would stop, because my life is going to complete shit because of all this. I just wish that I could put her in the very back of my mind just temporarily, maybe let me see what else is out there. But no one is as amazing as she is. Plus, even if I could do that, I've already made the fucking stupid promise to myself that as long as I attend ASMS, my first kiss has to be with her. Basically, either I kiss her, or I don't get my first kiss till college. I want my first to be special, and I don't think anything could be more special than it being with her.
Seeing them together just bothers me so much. But what bothers me even more is that I can't accept that they're together and happy with each other. The week before Prom, I was able to accept it. I was able to be happy for them, and show my acceptance. But then, Friday rolled around and I suddenly couldn't stand it. It depressed me so much to see them together. But I was still able to keep certain amount of happiness, because, at her insistence that I try to be a more optimistic person, I was looking forward to the dance that she told me she planned on letting me have at Prom.
Fastforward to Prom night. After waiting for Grace to finish getting ready, during which time I had to see Katie and Jason together numerous times, we finally left and went to Ruby Tuesday for dinner. It was just Grace, Phillip, and me, and I couldn't have asked for a better group to go with. Once we ate, we headed to the Holiday Inn, and we were about 15 minutes early. Because of this, we got to mess around a little bit before people really started showing up, and it was fun. But then people started arriving, and I knew my night of fun was over. Sat through about 95% of the dance, but I did dance twice... just neither of those was with Katie. I danced with Grace, and then Keke, Megan, Kayla, and Kimmy all made me get up and dance. It wouldn't have been so bad if I never had to see Jason and Katie, but they came up to where me and Phillip were sitting, talked for a little bit, and then started MAKING OUT! I looked at Phillip, and was just like "Let's get the fuck away from here." So we moved to the other side of the room, and they eventually followed us there, too. I was so glad once Prom was over. After that, me and five other guys went to a hotel, and the next day went to the beach where we almost all got burned, and I developed 2nd degree burns on my shoulders.
One of the things that bothers me most of all is that Jason is ending this year the same way he started it, in relation to me. At the beginning, he blew off me and our friendship to be with Lauren, and he's doing that now with Katie. We don't really talk anymore, because the only thing he lets be important in his life is her, and I can't stand to hear him talk about that. I mean, if I end things unpleasantly with Katie, I still have a whole nother year to patch things up. I don't know when he thinks he'll have time to make up for all this.
I just hate that since everyone is coupling up, I'm constantly left out of things. I want to be part of a couple just so I can regain my friends.
So yeah, that's my life for ya. Shit, I'm such a wreck.