start the bidding with one small mocha frappucchino
I'm opening a bidding war. What fantabulous prize can be all yours?
A piece of my fine, depressed, possibly PTSD-having, unwashed, chain smoking, socially phobic, lactose intolerant, eating disordered, recently unemployed-ass crashing on your couch for an entire week!
Just as soon as those lovely unemployment checks start rolling in, I can be dragging myself up to your door. I'm ready to whine, gripe, bitch, sleep 30+ hours, stay awake up to 48 hours, sob incoherently and be 99.9% so self involved, any problems you have will VANISH FROM YOUR MIND under the onslaught of my madness!
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!
A special BONUS for the TOP THREE BIDDERS!!! During wakey tiems, I can do these things while scooping litter, walking dogs, doing laundry, color coding/season matching your closet, organizing your cds/dvds alphabetically AND by genre (genre being my favorite, but I'm flexible) and giving you a makeover. Uh, yeah...that makeover thing. That's totally against your will and I'll tie you to a chair to make it happen, BUT WITH LOVE! I've got all this makeup and face goop and if I'm not allergic? You will be so totally fine. Really. 75% certainty. Look, I travel with Benadryl, okay?
I also have the family's sooper sekkrit peanut butter cookie and sooper sekkrit brownie recipe at my disposal. Real food is peanut butter. Crunchy peanut butter. I can do 4,000 things with one big jar of the nut paste of THE GODS.
Let the bidding begin!
A piece of my fine, depressed, possibly PTSD-having, unwashed, chain smoking, socially phobic, lactose intolerant, eating disordered, recently unemployed-ass crashing on your couch for an entire week!
Just as soon as those lovely unemployment checks start rolling in, I can be dragging myself up to your door. I'm ready to whine, gripe, bitch, sleep 30+ hours, stay awake up to 48 hours, sob incoherently and be 99.9% so self involved, any problems you have will VANISH FROM YOUR MIND under the onslaught of my madness!
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!
A special BONUS for the TOP THREE BIDDERS!!! During wakey tiems, I can do these things while scooping litter, walking dogs, doing laundry, color coding/season matching your closet, organizing your cds/dvds alphabetically AND by genre (genre being my favorite, but I'm flexible) and giving you a makeover. Uh, yeah...that makeover thing. That's totally against your will and I'll tie you to a chair to make it happen, BUT WITH LOVE! I've got all this makeup and face goop and if I'm not allergic? You will be so totally fine. Really. 75% certainty. Look, I travel with Benadryl, okay?
I also have the family's sooper sekkrit peanut butter cookie and sooper sekkrit brownie recipe at my disposal. Real food is peanut butter. Crunchy peanut butter. I can do 4,000 things with one big jar of the nut paste of THE GODS.
Let the bidding begin!