Disgruntled Clothes Whore
Alright celebrity women. Don't make me come to LA.
Right this second, I wish I was the red carpet head slapper. Why would I be slappin' domes? Well, I'LL TELL YOU.
Strapless. If I caught anyone wearing anything strapless and for even one second slouching her shoulders or hunching her back? HEAD SLAP. And a very stern, mommy-voiced command to STAND UP STRAIGHT, OMFG. SHOULDERS BACK - HEAD UP - NO EXCUSES.
Nothing will ruin strapless like shitty posture. Hey, you made the choice to wear the damn thing, now OWN IT. If you're scared your tits are going to fall out, YOUR DRESS WASN'T FITTED PROPERLY. YOU SHOULD BE REALLY PISSED.
I'd post a pic of Kate Winslet WEARING IT RIGHT, but I'm lazy and anyone that is still reading this has seen the pics anyway.
Next, I'm kidnapping Maggie Gyllenhaal before every award show from now on to give the thumbs up or down. I'm not sure when her boycott of supportive undergarments and clothes that actually fit began, but somebody has to stop this madness. She always looks happy and calm and thrilled to be there, but I don't care. She was fine at the frikkin' Golden Globes, so WTF with the Oscars and, sweet lord, the Indy Spirit Awards. The stills from the Indy Spirit aren't that bad. In action, that dress was AWFUL. I get what she's going for. I just happen to hate what she's going for.
J.Lo. The only purpose I can come up with for that thing she wore is that Mark Anthony was shackled to her ankle and trapped under there. Probably with a ball-gag in his mouth.
I could go on, but mostly I'm just disappointed with all the BORING. Fugly or so-so and dull. I didn't see one dress I wanted to squee about. Did I miss one? I don't think I did. Penelope Cruz's dress was a beautiful color. Cameron Diaz's dress fit really well. Helen Mirren was as classy as ever. Typical.
Oh, Sandra Bullock winning? Please. Like anyone is surprised. The ACADEMY has to make one batshit choice every year or they wouldn't be the ACADEMY now would they?
Right this second, I wish I was the red carpet head slapper. Why would I be slappin' domes? Well, I'LL TELL YOU.
Strapless. If I caught anyone wearing anything strapless and for even one second slouching her shoulders or hunching her back? HEAD SLAP. And a very stern, mommy-voiced command to STAND UP STRAIGHT, OMFG. SHOULDERS BACK - HEAD UP - NO EXCUSES.
Nothing will ruin strapless like shitty posture. Hey, you made the choice to wear the damn thing, now OWN IT. If you're scared your tits are going to fall out, YOUR DRESS WASN'T FITTED PROPERLY. YOU SHOULD BE REALLY PISSED.
I'd post a pic of Kate Winslet WEARING IT RIGHT, but I'm lazy and anyone that is still reading this has seen the pics anyway.
Next, I'm kidnapping Maggie Gyllenhaal before every award show from now on to give the thumbs up or down. I'm not sure when her boycott of supportive undergarments and clothes that actually fit began, but somebody has to stop this madness. She always looks happy and calm and thrilled to be there, but I don't care. She was fine at the frikkin' Golden Globes, so WTF with the Oscars and, sweet lord, the Indy Spirit Awards. The stills from the Indy Spirit aren't that bad. In action, that dress was AWFUL. I get what she's going for. I just happen to hate what she's going for.
J.Lo. The only purpose I can come up with for that thing she wore is that Mark Anthony was shackled to her ankle and trapped under there. Probably with a ball-gag in his mouth.
I could go on, but mostly I'm just disappointed with all the BORING. Fugly or so-so and dull. I didn't see one dress I wanted to squee about. Did I miss one? I don't think I did. Penelope Cruz's dress was a beautiful color. Cameron Diaz's dress fit really well. Helen Mirren was as classy as ever. Typical.
Oh, Sandra Bullock winning? Please. Like anyone is surprised. The ACADEMY has to make one batshit choice every year or they wouldn't be the ACADEMY now would they?