PSA
It has come to my attention that Mercury is in retrograde until the end of September. Yeah, Mercury is smoking the red kryptonite. What you should do.
DON'T PANIC. Mercury likes it when you panic, so don't give it the satisfaction.
Wear your tinfoil hat at all times to block Mercury's vibes of evil.
Since not everyone will be wearing tinfoil hats (because they're lame), you should avoid contact with the outside. Take your emergency preparedness kit to the nearest underground concrete structure for the duration of the month. No underground concrete structure? I recommend crawl spaces. (Not the one with the bodies.)
If you haven't prepared already, here's what to include in your emergency preparedness kit.
150 Debbie Cakes (assorted flavors)
iPod filled with Bob Denver. It's like Valium.
Valium
10 empty Mason Jars with lids. Makeshift restroom.
Lots and lots of hand sanitizer.
ShamWow
10 cases of your favorite beverage. For example: Mickey's Malt Liquor.
Flashlight with extra batteries. Remember The English Patient? Stop thinking about the sex parts and focus.
Machete. For cuddling. In a situation like this, one needs a greater feeling of security than what Mr. Twinkles the stuffed wombat can provide.
Lastly, don't forget your pets.
DON'T PANIC. Mercury likes it when you panic, so don't give it the satisfaction.
Wear your tinfoil hat at all times to block Mercury's vibes of evil.
Since not everyone will be wearing tinfoil hats (because they're lame), you should avoid contact with the outside. Take your emergency preparedness kit to the nearest underground concrete structure for the duration of the month. No underground concrete structure? I recommend crawl spaces. (Not the one with the bodies.)
If you haven't prepared already, here's what to include in your emergency preparedness kit.
150 Debbie Cakes (assorted flavors)
iPod filled with Bob Denver. It's like Valium.
Valium
10 empty Mason Jars with lids. Makeshift restroom.
Lots and lots of hand sanitizer.
ShamWow
10 cases of your favorite beverage. For example: Mickey's Malt Liquor.
Flashlight with extra batteries. Remember The English Patient? Stop thinking about the sex parts and focus.
Machete. For cuddling. In a situation like this, one needs a greater feeling of security than what Mr. Twinkles the stuffed wombat can provide.
Lastly, don't forget your pets.