Hello!
Today marks the first day of my new Journal. I have many friends who have done this and I was also curious about it but never voiced my opinion. Habit of mine. This also comes at a good time in my life right now so I can post everything that is bothering me or on my mind. This feels like an upgraded version of the many diaries that I started as a child. Maybe this one I can keep up! ::chuckles::
Anyways, what is on my mind right now.....well, I guess you can say that I feel lonely. Last night I had a meeting at work in an auditorium and I was one of the last people to walk in. I felt myself stop up at the exit/entrance and stare down at the seats, because I did not know who to sit next to. I then realized that I was not part of a group, or the group that I am a part of was not there. This wave of loneliness crashed over me and I found myself sitting in a row by myself. By the time I settled in and started eating my soda and cookie, a friend of mine I used to be really close to called me over. This person was one of my best friends, but recently there has been stuff going on in her life that I don't agree with. I have been struggling with my thoughts about her. I don't like how she is treating someone else that I feel I am close to also. This struggle has made my thoughts about her change drasticly and I don't know if I can be friends with someone who treats my other friends like dirt....anyways back to the story. She called me over and I sat with her and two other friends that I know well, but still feeling like I just don't belong there.
The meeting was informative and I hope to work on all of the faults that I have with my job (I have many). All of a sudden, I felt like I was not good at my job. The things that they require, I feel I don't do or can't do. I feel like I am always trying to catch up to everyone or I am in the dark about things. I wonder if it is because I am not paying attention, or that I just don't care, or that I don't really have a true friend in the office, or what....I do know that I tend to slip between the cracks there, like I don't exist. I have had a few problems with that and I really don't know how I can be more memorable in their eyes. Maybe I should go streaking some time.....Oh well....=o/
I think yesterday was just a wave of emotion that needed to release before I exploded into a blubbery mess of snot and tears ::chuckle::
You are right, I do feel better now after I typed this out.........
Anyways, what is on my mind right now.....well, I guess you can say that I feel lonely. Last night I had a meeting at work in an auditorium and I was one of the last people to walk in. I felt myself stop up at the exit/entrance and stare down at the seats, because I did not know who to sit next to. I then realized that I was not part of a group, or the group that I am a part of was not there. This wave of loneliness crashed over me and I found myself sitting in a row by myself. By the time I settled in and started eating my soda and cookie, a friend of mine I used to be really close to called me over. This person was one of my best friends, but recently there has been stuff going on in her life that I don't agree with. I have been struggling with my thoughts about her. I don't like how she is treating someone else that I feel I am close to also. This struggle has made my thoughts about her change drasticly and I don't know if I can be friends with someone who treats my other friends like dirt....anyways back to the story. She called me over and I sat with her and two other friends that I know well, but still feeling like I just don't belong there.
The meeting was informative and I hope to work on all of the faults that I have with my job (I have many). All of a sudden, I felt like I was not good at my job. The things that they require, I feel I don't do or can't do. I feel like I am always trying to catch up to everyone or I am in the dark about things. I wonder if it is because I am not paying attention, or that I just don't care, or that I don't really have a true friend in the office, or what....I do know that I tend to slip between the cracks there, like I don't exist. I have had a few problems with that and I really don't know how I can be more memorable in their eyes. Maybe I should go streaking some time.....Oh well....=o/
I think yesterday was just a wave of emotion that needed to release before I exploded into a blubbery mess of snot and tears ::chuckle::
You are right, I do feel better now after I typed this out.........