"Lagom", American Ethics, and dating.
Americans are largely an unhappy lot. I know, because I am one.
For the longest time I was deeply, deeply unhappy. I was constantly plagued by questions that asked "when is my big break coming?" or "how come I have such rotten luck?" "my ship has to be coming in soon!" Because, you see... I had always somehow believed that I was special and that someday I would have this, that and the other thing... because that was what special people like me had. I mean, I needed more money, and more stuff and more... I mean, come ON! The American mythology says that if you are hard-working, talented and do the right thing... you will be rich and own that big house on the hill and all the toys and life of leisure and ease.
Something changed in me a year ago. I had always had this idea of what my perfect life would be. You know the one -- the big house, the beautiful lover, the Mercedes in the drive, the pool out back that is the sight of wonderful parties of beautiful people...
But somehow I found myself in another situation. I found myself in a townhouse downtown. I found myself with a bunch of wonderful people that were great friends. I found myself with a beautiful red motorcycle that taught me to enjoy the wind in my face and the allure of new and exciting roads... And it took me a while to figure out that I had found my ideal situation. I was happy and I was comfortable right there, right at that moment. And it was shocking! It felt all wrong to be happy! I should want... but I didn't! I don't know if I arrived at my ideal situation or I just finally came to a place where I could be satisfied where I was... but there I was. But I still felt I like should want more! Because one should always... shouldn't they?
The Swedish, those wacky Swedes, have a term: "Lagom," which is hard to fit into an American psyche. It roughly means: "good enough." Not the best, not breathtaking, not Hollywood with glitter and spotlights, not the huge house on the hill, not a red ferrari, not Karl Lagerfeld or Kate Moss fashions, not uber chic, not some fabulous famous life... but good enough. See! That is difficult to wrap your head around isn't it? Basically, what it means, at least to me, is being happy right here, right now. Not down the road when I..., right now with what I have.
And on the same subject... this concept is also why I have decided to forego the whole dating/relationship thing. Just as no-one seems to be able to be content and happy with their other situations in life... no one seems to be able to be content and happy in the relationship they are in. If you are of the mindset that you need to always search for more and better and... then this will also translate over to how you view the person you are with. There will always be someone out there who can offer a little more, is a little richer, can turn your cranks a little farther into the red, can... and every relationship becomes a temporary situation until they find the new, better thing. Sorry, not opening up my heart to that... not working my ass off knowing that I am only a rung on the ladder. Nope -- just not going to be a part of the disasterous, dysfunctional relationship dance here in America. I'll sit this dance out...
Because I'm okay, right here, right now. My life rocks. No, it's not a story-book tale of splendor and fame or the wealthy. My life is pretty much the definition of Lagom... good enough. And, that's perfect for me.
For the longest time I was deeply, deeply unhappy. I was constantly plagued by questions that asked "when is my big break coming?" or "how come I have such rotten luck?" "my ship has to be coming in soon!" Because, you see... I had always somehow believed that I was special and that someday I would have this, that and the other thing... because that was what special people like me had. I mean, I needed more money, and more stuff and more... I mean, come ON! The American mythology says that if you are hard-working, talented and do the right thing... you will be rich and own that big house on the hill and all the toys and life of leisure and ease.
Something changed in me a year ago. I had always had this idea of what my perfect life would be. You know the one -- the big house, the beautiful lover, the Mercedes in the drive, the pool out back that is the sight of wonderful parties of beautiful people...
But somehow I found myself in another situation. I found myself in a townhouse downtown. I found myself with a bunch of wonderful people that were great friends. I found myself with a beautiful red motorcycle that taught me to enjoy the wind in my face and the allure of new and exciting roads... And it took me a while to figure out that I had found my ideal situation. I was happy and I was comfortable right there, right at that moment. And it was shocking! It felt all wrong to be happy! I should want... but I didn't! I don't know if I arrived at my ideal situation or I just finally came to a place where I could be satisfied where I was... but there I was. But I still felt I like should want more! Because one should always... shouldn't they?
The Swedish, those wacky Swedes, have a term: "Lagom," which is hard to fit into an American psyche. It roughly means: "good enough." Not the best, not breathtaking, not Hollywood with glitter and spotlights, not the huge house on the hill, not a red ferrari, not Karl Lagerfeld or Kate Moss fashions, not uber chic, not some fabulous famous life... but good enough. See! That is difficult to wrap your head around isn't it? Basically, what it means, at least to me, is being happy right here, right now. Not down the road when I..., right now with what I have.
And on the same subject... this concept is also why I have decided to forego the whole dating/relationship thing. Just as no-one seems to be able to be content and happy with their other situations in life... no one seems to be able to be content and happy in the relationship they are in. If you are of the mindset that you need to always search for more and better and... then this will also translate over to how you view the person you are with. There will always be someone out there who can offer a little more, is a little richer, can turn your cranks a little farther into the red, can... and every relationship becomes a temporary situation until they find the new, better thing. Sorry, not opening up my heart to that... not working my ass off knowing that I am only a rung on the ladder. Nope -- just not going to be a part of the disasterous, dysfunctional relationship dance here in America. I'll sit this dance out...
Because I'm okay, right here, right now. My life rocks. No, it's not a story-book tale of splendor and fame or the wealthy. My life is pretty much the definition of Lagom... good enough. And, that's perfect for me.