(no subject)
jesusfuckingcrist i am a mess. a big mess. how the hell did it get this bad? did i do something wrong? am i a horrible person? see i would believe you when you say no, but then i would have to take my life in retrospective and ask the simple question WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME? they say teenage years are full of angst and whatnot, but i never imagined it could hurt this bad... maybe it is because i keep putting my trust out there and am suprised when i dont get good results. trust is a heavy thing. when you trust someone, you pour your heart and soul out to them, and when they dont return the favor, well it fucking sucks. maybe i should just start believeing that if you give your trust to someone they are just going to fuck you over. because thats all that has happened to me when i have. i cant believe it took me 17 years to realize this, but i have never had one person try and prove to me that my trust is worth something. when something bad happens its always ok were fucked and im not going to try and gain your trust back, you arnt worth it. i never realized not being worth it could have such an impact on someone. i guess i never stopped and took a good look in the mirror. i guess i didnt ever want to...