I'm ridiculous sometimes
*sigh*
I had three really awesome Faithy posts all ready to go, and the stupid server decided to crash. I didn't save them either; I was writing up a storm and forgot. I was able get one out for NGH, but the other two are gone. And of course, the phone won't quit ringing, and students are asking me questions left and right, and...gah! I can't concentrate, dammit.
Ahem. Sorry. I'm stressing bad, because I know I have to get all these done by Friday. "One post each week", that's the rule...and for my first week, I'm sucking really bad at this. I can't even remember if I've joined all the games yet. I hate being so disorganized.
I wanted to do this for FG and Jenna so fucking bad, but god, this is hard. Keeping up with six will be impossible for me. I sleep until noon, I go to work at 3, we're busy until I close at 9 (at least for the next two weeks anyway), and the only time I have to post is either late at night or all day Friday. It slows down the flow, and that's not fair to the other players. I need to be available to reply when I'm tagged, and that's not easy to adapt to. I'm used to reading a post once it's complete or at least halfway complete. This is sooo different from reading RPGs, and I don't want to back out, but honestly? I need to cut the games down to two for now.
FG, is it okay if I just do NGH and our 1 on 1? Or...give me another few days to post for HR and AW? I know you told everyone I'm in, but...I feel just horrible. What the hell was I thinking, agreeing to play so many games? I'm a first time gamer. I need to build up some confidence; I want to wow people and make them laugh, but it's just not happenin' for me yet. I have to sit and think for, like, 30 minutes before I start typing. Writing on a whim is not something I've ever done. I'm a fanfic writer. It's what I know I'm good at. I see the entire story in my head and write it all in one fell swoop. RPGs are a totally different animal. I know the main rule is to have fun, but I'm too worked up about doing a perfect post to even consider the possibility of having fun. (With the exception of doing Wes/Faith goodness with FG in our 1 on 1. Which I am doing a post for before the day is through, because I can't wait to play. And, god, I'm not even making any sense, am I? What the hell is wrong with me? lol)
Filling Jenna's shoes is a great challenge but it also scares me. How can I even begin to match her? She's come up with some brilliant plot bunnies, dude. Me? Not so much. I'm flying by the seat of my pants.
Good Lord. Self-depricating, much? ::whacks myself for saying such nonsense::
Ontop of all that, I'm also trying to get moved out of my old apartment. Moving is fucking stressful, and it's really wearing me out. I'm excited, but the stress has taken center stage, as it usually does with me. I could not have picked a worst time to do all this shit.
Alright, I need to take a breath here. I'm panicking for no reason, but it happens and I needed to get it out.
The main thing is, I feel like a fish out of water. I'm having social anxiety issues, and I swear I'll knock myself back into gear soon, I've just got too much chaos around me at the moment.
I'm going to quit whining like a five-year-old and get back to the desk. (I was on my dinner break and needed to vent.)
I think I'm done being bitchy now. This has to be the strangest, most incoherent rant I've ever written. And I probably should delete this fucker before it's read, but...I want to be real. This is me being real. Unfortunatley, I'm not all Suzy Sunshine; I'm a hardcore gal who loves letting go of her inhibitions through writing. I think I just need to chill.
PMS makes me fuckin' insane yo.
I had three really awesome Faithy posts all ready to go, and the stupid server decided to crash. I didn't save them either; I was writing up a storm and forgot. I was able get one out for NGH, but the other two are gone. And of course, the phone won't quit ringing, and students are asking me questions left and right, and...gah! I can't concentrate, dammit.
Ahem. Sorry. I'm stressing bad, because I know I have to get all these done by Friday. "One post each week", that's the rule...and for my first week, I'm sucking really bad at this. I can't even remember if I've joined all the games yet. I hate being so disorganized.
I wanted to do this for FG and Jenna so fucking bad, but god, this is hard. Keeping up with six will be impossible for me. I sleep until noon, I go to work at 3, we're busy until I close at 9 (at least for the next two weeks anyway), and the only time I have to post is either late at night or all day Friday. It slows down the flow, and that's not fair to the other players. I need to be available to reply when I'm tagged, and that's not easy to adapt to. I'm used to reading a post once it's complete or at least halfway complete. This is sooo different from reading RPGs, and I don't want to back out, but honestly? I need to cut the games down to two for now.
FG, is it okay if I just do NGH and our 1 on 1? Or...give me another few days to post for HR and AW? I know you told everyone I'm in, but...I feel just horrible. What the hell was I thinking, agreeing to play so many games? I'm a first time gamer. I need to build up some confidence; I want to wow people and make them laugh, but it's just not happenin' for me yet. I have to sit and think for, like, 30 minutes before I start typing. Writing on a whim is not something I've ever done. I'm a fanfic writer. It's what I know I'm good at. I see the entire story in my head and write it all in one fell swoop. RPGs are a totally different animal. I know the main rule is to have fun, but I'm too worked up about doing a perfect post to even consider the possibility of having fun. (With the exception of doing Wes/Faith goodness with FG in our 1 on 1. Which I am doing a post for before the day is through, because I can't wait to play. And, god, I'm not even making any sense, am I? What the hell is wrong with me? lol)
Filling Jenna's shoes is a great challenge but it also scares me. How can I even begin to match her? She's come up with some brilliant plot bunnies, dude. Me? Not so much. I'm flying by the seat of my pants.
Good Lord. Self-depricating, much? ::whacks myself for saying such nonsense::
Ontop of all that, I'm also trying to get moved out of my old apartment. Moving is fucking stressful, and it's really wearing me out. I'm excited, but the stress has taken center stage, as it usually does with me. I could not have picked a worst time to do all this shit.
Alright, I need to take a breath here. I'm panicking for no reason, but it happens and I needed to get it out.
The main thing is, I feel like a fish out of water. I'm having social anxiety issues, and I swear I'll knock myself back into gear soon, I've just got too much chaos around me at the moment.
I'm going to quit whining like a five-year-old and get back to the desk. (I was on my dinner break and needed to vent.)
I think I'm done being bitchy now. This has to be the strangest, most incoherent rant I've ever written. And I probably should delete this fucker before it's read, but...I want to be real. This is me being real. Unfortunatley, I'm not all Suzy Sunshine; I'm a hardcore gal who loves letting go of her inhibitions through writing. I think I just need to chill.
PMS makes me fuckin' insane yo.