resolutions,. and things of that ilk
as the boys of emerson once sang, i shold be sleeping. but first, new year's resolutions.
i vow to meet each moment as it comes, engage in blocking only as is necessary to keep the present company entertained. to be as interesting and quirky a fellow as i can be while still maintaining a job and respectable position within society's boundaries. to open my heart to all who come by my path, and lastly, but most importantly, to always when given a chance, hold teh hand of teh fair lady in whose possession is my heart. to brush her hair out of her face, and drink from the pools of her eyes ate every chance. to hold her in my arms at every opprotunity. i vow to show her that she is genuinely loved.
as time passes all manner of things that could happen do happen. anything that can be moved is eventually moved. anything that can not be destroyed by dynamite is slowly worn by wind and rain. things meant to last forever are reduced to meaningless rubble. people fall in and out of love. people become enraged or apathetic. all things change. the only questions worth asking are how and why. how to things evolve. is it weather, is it national politics? is it the resultant forces of two air bubles in a fish tank causing the lame goldfish to blink? why do those bubbles neccesetate teh ned for an eyelid? why do people wear similair coloured socks. why do men always leave the seat up after takling apee? why do i fear to say what is in my heart?
plato once said that all life is an illusion. a mere puppet show put on by people standing far above us tryinhg to imprison our lives. that we must break the bonds of our intellectual slavery and think for ourselves. venture far enough into the world that we see the eagle chasing teh dormouse, not teh shadows of a winged beast.
in my self loathing and general distrust of society i thought i'd found that eagle. i had thought that if i'd become as bitter as i possibly could all things would be clear. but now i wake up one day and a slow dawning happens. what if i'm not as bad a person as i think? what if what if i have served my ime for my deeds? if one as good as her can feel as she does for a wretch like me, then mayhaps i have changed? maybe the time for joy has indeed dawned? life is here to be enjoyed, so i should enjoy it right?
how doe sone take a philosophy based upon hatred and general malcontent and change it into one based upong happiness and love? it has been nearly a year since i've been turned upon my ear like this. i know what i need to do. career, job, financialy. at least some of the other personal stuff still comes clear from time tyo time. it;s just, well, when i only ha dto worry about my own bitter ass i knew exactly what where and when. now that bitterness is working itself out of my system. it's being replaced with an overwhelming sense of love and belonging. a feeling that no matter what i do, i don't need to bluff and lie or cheat, i just have to BE and everything will work. i mean, i've always felt i belonged with my closest friends, but at school, at home sometimes, with new aquiantances. at work. i feel like i really actually seriously do make a difference and i'm not just hipocritical. i've always thought i was a useless hack. but maybe, just maybe, if i can be so welcomed an almost universally appreciated, maybe i'm not such a bad person after all?
i guess perspective is the key. i need to regain my perspective. or maybe, find a new one, one that has a slightly wider angle lens so i can encompass more of what and who is around and with me.