I wish I could feel it all for you
Title: I wish I could feel it all for you
Rating: PG-13 (so far)
Length: 1, 365
Fandom: One Direction
Characters: Liam Payne, Zayn Malik, Danielle Peazer
Ships: Liam/Zayn, Liam/Danielle, possible Zayn/Liam/Danielle
Notes: I was kind of thinking of Vicky Christina Barcelona when I came up with this, but we'll see, title is from an Ellie Goulding song (Guns and Horses). Obviously I don't own either or One Direction, so.
Summary: Danielle and Liam love each other but Liam also thinks he loves Zayn, so they decide to give that a go too, while he's still with Danielle.
A/N Okayyyyy, V here finally, and I actually finally have something for you guys! Woo hoo! Like A, I have all the Ziam feels in the world so last night at 3 AM I started a...Zayn/Liam/Danielle fic and I have chapter one and I quite like it so far. It's a bit short and I suck at actually finishing things so lets hope A and any fans :$ encourage me to finish this!
1. Danielle
I am frozen when Liam tells me. It wasn't sudden, like you usually expect it to be, how they show it in cartoons or you imagine it. It's a slow freeze seeping through my spinal cord when Liam and Zayn pull me aside to talk and eventually to my bones and out toward my skin, when Zayn slips out of the room, sharing a conspiratorial little look. I actually, physically shiver. Who'd have thought that this actually happens? I feel like everything that allows me to move, to feel, to process has shut down as he explains to me. No, he's not gay. Yes, he loves me and wants to be with me. But...he loves Zayn too, he thinks. And he knows its crazy but maybe they could try make that coexist with whatever the fuck it was now that we've had going on. Wait, what?
He was holding my hands, clasped in his, as he always did, but I couldn't feel it. I thought fleetingly about how I usually noticed how much I loved it when he did this, but right now they didn't feel like my hands. This didn't feel like my life.
"But we'll only go through with this if it's okay with you, love. And if you want, you could do the same? I don't know if-." I must have been gaping at him, still lost as to whether or not this was actually happening. I hadn't realized until he pulled his hands away and buried his face in them. "Christ, I am such an asshole."
I opened my mouth to say something, but what? What is there to say when your boyfriend tells you he wants to be with another man and still date you? I shook my head when he looked up. Shook it at him being an asshole. I mean, this was kind of wankerish of him, but at least he was honest with his feelings. And at least it wasn't behind my back. Anymore? No wonder he'd been acting strange all this time. I still didn't have an answer for him, so I asked if Zayn would please come back in.
I gaped at the two of them, and frowned and gaped some more and wondered how I hadn't seen it before. It was so painfully obvious that it was kind of funny. Their ice cream dates and movie nights and the fact that they always shared a room on tour and always avoided talking about the other, but they could be wrapped up in their own little world when the time came. They'd been pretty much courting the whole time. Probably since X Factor, actually.
And so, at the immensity of the situation, I laughed. I laughed at Liam sitting there, looking like a concerned puppy, frowning back at me. I laughed at Zayn, usually so lazily composed, picking at his cuticles and staring into his lap like it was the most fascinating thing. I laughed at the fact that I hadn't seen it. I laughed at the fact that all the fans thought it was Harry and Lou that were in love. I laughed at how much I would laugh when I told Eleanor and how much her eyes would widen like globes and how shocked she would be. I laughed imagining that we would all live together like that old American TV show, Three's Company. I laughed at what my mother, the boys' fans, the other boys themselves, management, their mothers, the tabloids would say. I laughed at how ridiculous it was, but laughed because I believed it. I laughed, because I saw no other alternative to having my boyfriend stolen, but still getting to keep him. Kind of.
I had tears in my eyes and I was doubled over when the last few high, breathy wheezes had ended. I breathed a loud exhale and wiped the laugh-tears from my face. They hadn't found it half as hilarious as I had. "I suppose I'll need time to think about this." I giggled again, stifling the rising peals with the crook of my elbow.
"And personally, I barely have enough time for one relationship much less two, so if you give it a go with Zayn, I'll be fine without doing the same."
Zayn started. "Danielle, I know this is bizarre and believe me, its not how-."
I interrupted. "This is unreal, but I'd love to hear logistics." I think he was confused that I was so bemused.
"Uh," his brow creased, and he screwed up his mouth, and even then he was more beautiful than I was. Well, at least my boyfriend had good taste in men. "We hadn't really discussed that..."
"I was thinking," Liam jumped in. Practical as ever. "Maybe when we're on tour, Zayn and I do what we do with each other, but when I'm home-."
"So, kind of like a time share? I thought we were giving this a real go, Li? Like a real relationship?" Zayn asked softly, practically smoldering at Liam.
"Yeah, bad idea." Liam said sheepishly.
You don't say. "I guess we just share you, and see how that works out?" I asked, tugging on a lock of hair
Liam looked at me then at Zayn. "I guess that's how we do it, for now at least and evaluate as we go along?"
"Sure," Zayn said quickly, snaking his hand out to Liam, entwining fingers with a triumphant and adoring smile at Liam, who was looking to my response.
I shrugged non-committedly. "I might change my mind at some point in this, I warn you. But do whatever you want to do. I have to go to the studio." I slid out of my seat and shouldered my bag, where I had thrown it onto the usual chair in Liam's apartment.
"I'll walk you." Liam said, meaning to my car. He slipped his fingers from Zayn's and followed me to the door, putting a hand on the small of my back, as usual. I glanced back to tell Zayn goodbye and saw his eyes narrow. Of course I didn't realize that he was starting to get jealous.
Liam and I were quiet while we walked down the stairs, but I stopped to face him at the car. "So...we're actually doing this?" I asked, swinging my keys around.
Liam exhaled heavily, rubbing the back of his neck. "Look, I understand if this is something you don't to do, but I love you and I'm confused about my feelings for him and I don't want to drive you away exploring my feelings for Zayn but I don't want to drive him away or mess things up with the boys or anything because you know how Zayn is and you know that I just need..."
I pressed a kiss into the corner of his mouth, pulling him in by the hands. He reciprocated, pushing me up against my car in the basically empty street and kissing me properly. "I understand, Liam."
I had understood. That was a big part of our relationship. He understood that I was practicing in the studio for hours every day so we didn't get to speak for days at a time sometimes, and I understood that he would fall asleep on the phone with me when it was three am wherever in the world he was, because we hadn't heard each other's voices in a week and he was so busy on tour. We both understood that our ambition was the big thing in our lives. We accepted that that sometimes screwed us over because we couldn't give as much time to the other as we wanted to, or was wanted of us, but we also accepted that that was the way it needed to be. And I hoped that Zayn would be more of a respite than anything and he would be able to not get so stressed out, and not eat so badly and not stay up trying to catch me before I went to the studio. But I knew that left less time for me, time that was interminably small when he was on tour.
And so, we were doing this.
Rating: PG-13 (so far)
Length: 1, 365
Fandom: One Direction
Characters: Liam Payne, Zayn Malik, Danielle Peazer
Ships: Liam/Zayn, Liam/Danielle, possible Zayn/Liam/Danielle
Notes: I was kind of thinking of Vicky Christina Barcelona when I came up with this, but we'll see, title is from an Ellie Goulding song (Guns and Horses). Obviously I don't own either or One Direction, so.
Summary: Danielle and Liam love each other but Liam also thinks he loves Zayn, so they decide to give that a go too, while he's still with Danielle.
A/N Okayyyyy, V here finally, and I actually finally have something for you guys! Woo hoo! Like A, I have all the Ziam feels in the world so last night at 3 AM I started a...Zayn/Liam/Danielle fic and I have chapter one and I quite like it so far. It's a bit short and I suck at actually finishing things so lets hope A and any fans :$ encourage me to finish this!
1. Danielle
I am frozen when Liam tells me. It wasn't sudden, like you usually expect it to be, how they show it in cartoons or you imagine it. It's a slow freeze seeping through my spinal cord when Liam and Zayn pull me aside to talk and eventually to my bones and out toward my skin, when Zayn slips out of the room, sharing a conspiratorial little look. I actually, physically shiver. Who'd have thought that this actually happens? I feel like everything that allows me to move, to feel, to process has shut down as he explains to me. No, he's not gay. Yes, he loves me and wants to be with me. But...he loves Zayn too, he thinks. And he knows its crazy but maybe they could try make that coexist with whatever the fuck it was now that we've had going on. Wait, what?
He was holding my hands, clasped in his, as he always did, but I couldn't feel it. I thought fleetingly about how I usually noticed how much I loved it when he did this, but right now they didn't feel like my hands. This didn't feel like my life.
"But we'll only go through with this if it's okay with you, love. And if you want, you could do the same? I don't know if-." I must have been gaping at him, still lost as to whether or not this was actually happening. I hadn't realized until he pulled his hands away and buried his face in them. "Christ, I am such an asshole."
I opened my mouth to say something, but what? What is there to say when your boyfriend tells you he wants to be with another man and still date you? I shook my head when he looked up. Shook it at him being an asshole. I mean, this was kind of wankerish of him, but at least he was honest with his feelings. And at least it wasn't behind my back. Anymore? No wonder he'd been acting strange all this time. I still didn't have an answer for him, so I asked if Zayn would please come back in.
I gaped at the two of them, and frowned and gaped some more and wondered how I hadn't seen it before. It was so painfully obvious that it was kind of funny. Their ice cream dates and movie nights and the fact that they always shared a room on tour and always avoided talking about the other, but they could be wrapped up in their own little world when the time came. They'd been pretty much courting the whole time. Probably since X Factor, actually.
And so, at the immensity of the situation, I laughed. I laughed at Liam sitting there, looking like a concerned puppy, frowning back at me. I laughed at Zayn, usually so lazily composed, picking at his cuticles and staring into his lap like it was the most fascinating thing. I laughed at the fact that I hadn't seen it. I laughed at the fact that all the fans thought it was Harry and Lou that were in love. I laughed at how much I would laugh when I told Eleanor and how much her eyes would widen like globes and how shocked she would be. I laughed imagining that we would all live together like that old American TV show, Three's Company. I laughed at what my mother, the boys' fans, the other boys themselves, management, their mothers, the tabloids would say. I laughed at how ridiculous it was, but laughed because I believed it. I laughed, because I saw no other alternative to having my boyfriend stolen, but still getting to keep him. Kind of.
I had tears in my eyes and I was doubled over when the last few high, breathy wheezes had ended. I breathed a loud exhale and wiped the laugh-tears from my face. They hadn't found it half as hilarious as I had. "I suppose I'll need time to think about this." I giggled again, stifling the rising peals with the crook of my elbow.
"And personally, I barely have enough time for one relationship much less two, so if you give it a go with Zayn, I'll be fine without doing the same."
Zayn started. "Danielle, I know this is bizarre and believe me, its not how-."
I interrupted. "This is unreal, but I'd love to hear logistics." I think he was confused that I was so bemused.
"Uh," his brow creased, and he screwed up his mouth, and even then he was more beautiful than I was. Well, at least my boyfriend had good taste in men. "We hadn't really discussed that..."
"I was thinking," Liam jumped in. Practical as ever. "Maybe when we're on tour, Zayn and I do what we do with each other, but when I'm home-."
"So, kind of like a time share? I thought we were giving this a real go, Li? Like a real relationship?" Zayn asked softly, practically smoldering at Liam.
"Yeah, bad idea." Liam said sheepishly.
You don't say. "I guess we just share you, and see how that works out?" I asked, tugging on a lock of hair
Liam looked at me then at Zayn. "I guess that's how we do it, for now at least and evaluate as we go along?"
"Sure," Zayn said quickly, snaking his hand out to Liam, entwining fingers with a triumphant and adoring smile at Liam, who was looking to my response.
I shrugged non-committedly. "I might change my mind at some point in this, I warn you. But do whatever you want to do. I have to go to the studio." I slid out of my seat and shouldered my bag, where I had thrown it onto the usual chair in Liam's apartment.
"I'll walk you." Liam said, meaning to my car. He slipped his fingers from Zayn's and followed me to the door, putting a hand on the small of my back, as usual. I glanced back to tell Zayn goodbye and saw his eyes narrow. Of course I didn't realize that he was starting to get jealous.
Liam and I were quiet while we walked down the stairs, but I stopped to face him at the car. "So...we're actually doing this?" I asked, swinging my keys around.
Liam exhaled heavily, rubbing the back of his neck. "Look, I understand if this is something you don't to do, but I love you and I'm confused about my feelings for him and I don't want to drive you away exploring my feelings for Zayn but I don't want to drive him away or mess things up with the boys or anything because you know how Zayn is and you know that I just need..."
I pressed a kiss into the corner of his mouth, pulling him in by the hands. He reciprocated, pushing me up against my car in the basically empty street and kissing me properly. "I understand, Liam."
I had understood. That was a big part of our relationship. He understood that I was practicing in the studio for hours every day so we didn't get to speak for days at a time sometimes, and I understood that he would fall asleep on the phone with me when it was three am wherever in the world he was, because we hadn't heard each other's voices in a week and he was so busy on tour. We both understood that our ambition was the big thing in our lives. We accepted that that sometimes screwed us over because we couldn't give as much time to the other as we wanted to, or was wanted of us, but we also accepted that that was the way it needed to be. And I hoped that Zayn would be more of a respite than anything and he would be able to not get so stressed out, and not eat so badly and not stay up trying to catch me before I went to the studio. But I knew that left less time for me, time that was interminably small when he was on tour.
And so, we were doing this.