Mother Finally Passes On
Once again I have let a lot of time elapse since my last entry. And much has happened in this time, much of which I will have to skip because of faulty memory or lack of interest.
But one big thing transpired that I must write about, and that is the passing of my mother, Tommie Marie Rosewicz on September 12, 2014 at about 4:00 in the afternoon.
A little history. We knew mother was declining mentally in the late 90’s. I took it upon myself to make sure she was doing ok, tested her ability to drive around the area, made sure she was keeping up with her housework, cooking, etc. But it was clear she was not her old self when most of us decided to meet out in Pennsylvania for Labour Day weekend. Judye was “babysitting” her friends’ farm and taking care of their animals while they were away on vacation in Canada. Judye took the opportunity to invite everyone to the farm for the weekend, and Robbie and I were present along with Dawn, Kaylynn, Chris, Paige, Jacob, and I’m not sure who else. I regret I did not think to bring mother out for this gathering.
We got a call one day that mother had gone missing. Apparently she drove her car to our Aunt Jean’s place, knocked on the door, but getting no immediate answer, took off to parts unknown. Jean was home, just slow in answering and saw Tommie drive off. She showed up that night around midnight, out of gas, dehydrated and confused in the parking lot behind The Sunray Shopping Mall along I-94 on the east side of St. Paul. The police brought her to a hospital and it took the better part of 24 hours for word to get back to the family where she was.
Since brother Randy, living in Hudson, WI, was the only family member in the area, he was asked to take charge of mother. He brought her back to her apartment in Hudson, but was not certain of her frame of mind. There are more details, but I don’t remember them. The bottom line is that we had to find a home into which she was to be kept and watched over. We lucked out in being able to place her in the American Heritage facility in Hammond, WI that weekend. And there she has been until she passed in September.
We were assured at the time that she had three, maybe five years to live before Alzheimer’s would claim her. Little did they know our mother! She lasted over 14 years in the home, although the last several years have been painful to watch as her body slowly deteriorated and there was little or no recognition of what was going on around her.
What was always difficult for me was her oft expressed fear of this very sort of thing happening to her - as if she had a premonition that it would. She would say over and over, “If I ever get like that, put a gun to my head and put an end to it!” I always told her, of course I could do such a thing and that she would be fine. Turns out, she wasn’t, and I have felt guilty ever since that I wasn’t able to help her avoid that fate she feared the most.
In the last year or so when I would discuss mother’s condition with sister Judye, she suggested that we gather the whole family around her bedside at one time and tell her that she had done a good job and that she could go. I was ready for that, but doubtful we could round up all the siblings to make it happen. As it turns out, our little sister, Dawn, made it happen by getting married to Kevin!
Dawn announced her wedding last spring or summer and both Judye and I thought that this was the perfect opportunity to get all the siblings together. Everyone, even long-lost brother Dan, promised to be there. The only sibling we were concerned about coming was brother Maynard in Kansas. But he too promised to be there, and so on the days leading up to the September 13 wedding, the family rolled into the St. Croix Valley area. Maynard and Judye, along with their spouses, stayed with Randy and Dawn in Hudson; Robbie and I were in Stillwater at Brian S’s house, Chris and her BF and Dan and Sharon stayed at hotels.
I had arrived on Wednesday with Robbie. He and I visited her briefly that night around 10PM because we had been given word that she was in her last throes and may not survive the night. Mother did indeed look like she was on her last leg. Her breathing was laboured and she had a distinct death rattle going. Robbie and I were exhausted from the long drive from Woodstock, but Robbie concluded from his experience that whe a a couple of days to go, so we said good-bye and drove on to Stillwater.
The next day, I returned to Hammond to spend the afternoon with mom by myself. Robbie didn’t feel like he wanted to go again. He deals with this sort of thing in his work all the time, and this was a little personal and painful for him. I was OK with that. I understood.
Mother looked and sounded a lot better on Thursday than she had the night before. I sat with her, played music, sang and talked to her explaining that everyone was coming to town for the big wedding and that EVERYONE would be here to visit her, including Maynard. Maynard had always been her favourite and I was of the opinion mother was waiting for him to show up one more time before she passed on. He had not seen her in almost 17 years, so he was due.
Apparently Maynard showed up late that afternoon, so I just missed him when I left the home. He had gone straight there from Missouri to see her and was, I take it, quite moved by her condition. But he was tired too, so left soon to settle in with Randy.
On Friday the whole contingent ariived in town and went to visit mother, including Dan and his wife, Sharon. I wish I had been there too, but Robbie and I had another commitment. I don’t know if Maynard stayed with her all day, or left and returned. But I know he spent the bulk of the afternoon with Mother until shortly after 4 PM his wife, Brenda, suggested they needed to go. Maynard decided to put on some big-band music on the CD player for mom to listen to, and when he turned around to leave, he discovered that she had passed on.
Now, I am not a believer in most things supernatural, but I do believe that there was a part of mother that was aware of what was going on around her. I suspect she WAS waiting until all her kids were there to say goodbye to her, and especially that Maynard was there to say his goodbyes as well, All these things having transpired and Maynard making to leave her, she decided it was time to let go and pass on. The timing was perfect. She couldn’t have pulled it off any better.
What can I say about the emotions we all experienced that weekend? It is hard to convey how strongly we all felt for the first time like a united family. This was the FIRST TIME all of Tommie’s children were together in one place at one time. And it appears it was exactly what our mother needed in order to free herself from her earthly bonds.
It was a doubly happy time for us all because not only was our mother freed from her burden, but we were all able to see her before she left. On top of that, our little sister, Dawn, was marrying a wonderful man we all felt was the best thing that could have happened to her. It was a lovely weekend all in all - which sounds like a strange thing to say about a time in which one’s mother dies, but as I say, we all considered it a blessing and something mother would have wanted, and did want! May she rest in peace.
But one big thing transpired that I must write about, and that is the passing of my mother, Tommie Marie Rosewicz on September 12, 2014 at about 4:00 in the afternoon.
A little history. We knew mother was declining mentally in the late 90’s. I took it upon myself to make sure she was doing ok, tested her ability to drive around the area, made sure she was keeping up with her housework, cooking, etc. But it was clear she was not her old self when most of us decided to meet out in Pennsylvania for Labour Day weekend. Judye was “babysitting” her friends’ farm and taking care of their animals while they were away on vacation in Canada. Judye took the opportunity to invite everyone to the farm for the weekend, and Robbie and I were present along with Dawn, Kaylynn, Chris, Paige, Jacob, and I’m not sure who else. I regret I did not think to bring mother out for this gathering.
We got a call one day that mother had gone missing. Apparently she drove her car to our Aunt Jean’s place, knocked on the door, but getting no immediate answer, took off to parts unknown. Jean was home, just slow in answering and saw Tommie drive off. She showed up that night around midnight, out of gas, dehydrated and confused in the parking lot behind The Sunray Shopping Mall along I-94 on the east side of St. Paul. The police brought her to a hospital and it took the better part of 24 hours for word to get back to the family where she was.
Since brother Randy, living in Hudson, WI, was the only family member in the area, he was asked to take charge of mother. He brought her back to her apartment in Hudson, but was not certain of her frame of mind. There are more details, but I don’t remember them. The bottom line is that we had to find a home into which she was to be kept and watched over. We lucked out in being able to place her in the American Heritage facility in Hammond, WI that weekend. And there she has been until she passed in September.
We were assured at the time that she had three, maybe five years to live before Alzheimer’s would claim her. Little did they know our mother! She lasted over 14 years in the home, although the last several years have been painful to watch as her body slowly deteriorated and there was little or no recognition of what was going on around her.
What was always difficult for me was her oft expressed fear of this very sort of thing happening to her - as if she had a premonition that it would. She would say over and over, “If I ever get like that, put a gun to my head and put an end to it!” I always told her, of course I could do such a thing and that she would be fine. Turns out, she wasn’t, and I have felt guilty ever since that I wasn’t able to help her avoid that fate she feared the most.
In the last year or so when I would discuss mother’s condition with sister Judye, she suggested that we gather the whole family around her bedside at one time and tell her that she had done a good job and that she could go. I was ready for that, but doubtful we could round up all the siblings to make it happen. As it turns out, our little sister, Dawn, made it happen by getting married to Kevin!
Dawn announced her wedding last spring or summer and both Judye and I thought that this was the perfect opportunity to get all the siblings together. Everyone, even long-lost brother Dan, promised to be there. The only sibling we were concerned about coming was brother Maynard in Kansas. But he too promised to be there, and so on the days leading up to the September 13 wedding, the family rolled into the St. Croix Valley area. Maynard and Judye, along with their spouses, stayed with Randy and Dawn in Hudson; Robbie and I were in Stillwater at Brian S’s house, Chris and her BF and Dan and Sharon stayed at hotels.
I had arrived on Wednesday with Robbie. He and I visited her briefly that night around 10PM because we had been given word that she was in her last throes and may not survive the night. Mother did indeed look like she was on her last leg. Her breathing was laboured and she had a distinct death rattle going. Robbie and I were exhausted from the long drive from Woodstock, but Robbie concluded from his experience that whe a a couple of days to go, so we said good-bye and drove on to Stillwater.
The next day, I returned to Hammond to spend the afternoon with mom by myself. Robbie didn’t feel like he wanted to go again. He deals with this sort of thing in his work all the time, and this was a little personal and painful for him. I was OK with that. I understood.
Mother looked and sounded a lot better on Thursday than she had the night before. I sat with her, played music, sang and talked to her explaining that everyone was coming to town for the big wedding and that EVERYONE would be here to visit her, including Maynard. Maynard had always been her favourite and I was of the opinion mother was waiting for him to show up one more time before she passed on. He had not seen her in almost 17 years, so he was due.
Apparently Maynard showed up late that afternoon, so I just missed him when I left the home. He had gone straight there from Missouri to see her and was, I take it, quite moved by her condition. But he was tired too, so left soon to settle in with Randy.
On Friday the whole contingent ariived in town and went to visit mother, including Dan and his wife, Sharon. I wish I had been there too, but Robbie and I had another commitment. I don’t know if Maynard stayed with her all day, or left and returned. But I know he spent the bulk of the afternoon with Mother until shortly after 4 PM his wife, Brenda, suggested they needed to go. Maynard decided to put on some big-band music on the CD player for mom to listen to, and when he turned around to leave, he discovered that she had passed on.
Now, I am not a believer in most things supernatural, but I do believe that there was a part of mother that was aware of what was going on around her. I suspect she WAS waiting until all her kids were there to say goodbye to her, and especially that Maynard was there to say his goodbyes as well, All these things having transpired and Maynard making to leave her, she decided it was time to let go and pass on. The timing was perfect. She couldn’t have pulled it off any better.
What can I say about the emotions we all experienced that weekend? It is hard to convey how strongly we all felt for the first time like a united family. This was the FIRST TIME all of Tommie’s children were together in one place at one time. And it appears it was exactly what our mother needed in order to free herself from her earthly bonds.
It was a doubly happy time for us all because not only was our mother freed from her burden, but we were all able to see her before she left. On top of that, our little sister, Dawn, was marrying a wonderful man we all felt was the best thing that could have happened to her. It was a lovely weekend all in all - which sounds like a strange thing to say about a time in which one’s mother dies, but as I say, we all considered it a blessing and something mother would have wanted, and did want! May she rest in peace.