The Peacock
Yesterday was a weird day... It was good in its majority, but it was also the last day of vacation, so depression started to take place. It's becoming harder and harder to get back to work and I just need to focus that this is not a forever thing.
But with all of this, I just drew my card of the week late at night and didn't feel like coming here and posting it. I actually did some different layouts last night with some different decks I have and I thought it was best to just let it all assimilate, before doing anything with it.
Here I am today. Definitely felt the Rabbit last week. The trip was amazing, being able to spend time in the woods and focus on me and the hubby. I felt balanced in a way I hadn't for a long time. But the fear was there... During the drives to and from the hiking trail, on brief moments gazing at the fire on the fire pit. Reality would hit me and fear would follow.
I tried to keep the card in mind and not get frozen by the fear, so every time I felt it creeping on me, I would plan the next step, I would start making mental arrangements for my future and think about the Buddhist notion of Impermanence - nothing lasts and everything is in constant state of change. If the good moments like the ones I had on the mountains had to pass, so will these bad moments before I'm able to make one of the most important changes in my life.
Now, the card of this week: the Peacock.
the peacock - animal spirit guide deck
The Peacock is about inner-beauty, compassion, assimilation of anything. It's beauty does not come from its plumage, but it resides within and extends outward indefinitely. The peacock can assimilate or "digest" all experiences in life, not harboring resentment, conflict or past pain within it psyche. It's said to be very rare, cause not many people have reached this level of acceptance of the self and others.
When in balance, it's confident and kind. When out of balance, it can't "digest" situations. To bring it to balance, one need to meditate on the 3rd chakra, on the navel chakra.
I don't think I need to say much. I am obviously not the balanced kind right now. I woke up today with my Solar Plexus chakra (3rd one) feeling as if it had been punched. I'm having a really hard time "digesting" my situation. And it pisses me off, cause I am very much aware that there are tons of people out there with way worse problems than me. I have a classic "first world problem", but I can't help it. I feel like the calling is getting stronger and stronger, but unfortunately I am not in a position where I can just drop everything and follow it and it's making my current life harder and harder.
With all of this in mind, my mission for this week will be focus on impermanence and transform this very unbalanced Peacock on a positive, confident and kind one. I'll try doing some more meditation and bringing some crystals with me to work! After all, it is what it is, right?