This title thing is hard
I think my intuition was on fire last night! Today I had one of my worst days at work! Got home completely drained, physically and mentally. So, I decided to give myself some treat and went straight to Wild Wings to have my favorite veggie burger.
But I wanna clear the airs, get rid of this bad juju and focus on the good. Good from today and from yesterday. Mainly from yesterday, cause the good from today had its high note on my burger and we kinda covered it already.
Yesterday my TAT teacher called me. I've taken a basic TAT course by conference call in April/May and it was amazing. It gave me the chance to work on issues that have been bothering me for the longest time and it really helped me when it comes to self esteem. I'm a very insecure person and I am always extremely hard on myself and the classes have made it better. Didn't cure me, after all it's TAT and not miracle, but lately I feel like a believe in me more than I used to... Believe in me enough to start taking this life change thing seriously.
But back to the call. She called me so we could talk about my interest in becoming a professional TAT practitioner and my desire to become a energy healer (and all it entails). The call was pretty quick, but what made me happy was that she recognized in me this fire that I have to change my life, to work helping people heal. And she said something that I've been feeling for a while, that it gets to a point in life, that we've been pushing who we really are to the side for so long that we become ill, that we become sad. Not this regular sad that we get when something bleh happens, the real sad, the sad within. That's how I was starting to feel, as if I had bird wanting to come out from my chest, a pressure that was getting ready to explode.
I used to compare myself to other people a lot. Specially to people I've worked with. Things such as "oh, after the Games this person has moved to so many different countries, worked in so many other huge events! and I ended up in retail, far from events, far from the corporate world!" I would measure my success by their ruler, but if I was being honest to myself, I didn't want to be in HR anymore and I was really tired of all the power games I experienced in events and in the corporate world! Still, every new update I received in LinkedIn would have the same effect in me.
Then, after tons of personal crisis, I started accepting myself. Accepting that the traditional idea of success didn't fit me. That I'd never be that person that would climb the corporate latter and that happiness and success for me would come from working with energy, healing, the holistic. And it wasn't and isn't easy! I still have some prejudice against it, after all, I grew up learning that success was being a businesswoman.
But the most amazing thing happened. I received a LinkedIn update and it didn't affect me. Then another one... then another one. And it hit me. It doesn't affect me anymore, because I don't need that anymore. I know now that all of that wouldn't make me happy and that this journey I'm in will.
The imprisoned bird is gone. It's free. And I'm happy.
