read the last journal first
My parents keep telling me that God is the only answer and what not, and that no one will make me happy until I can make myself happy, and that I wont find true happiness until I find it in God. I dont even know how to go about that. I know that I rely on others too much and that I have pushed people out of my life by relying on them all the time. I know that I really messed things up with people in the past and that I always viewed myself as a victim and whatnot. I am so sorry to those people that I have lost everything with because of that. Its hard to learn stuff like that, and then deal with the consequences later on. I dont know what started my depression a long time ago and I dont even know how to go about changing it for real. I have made it go away, but it still resurfaces. I by no means use it for attention... I mean, I did at first, but I hated the negative attention it brought. I want to be free of this and want to get rid of this burden. I want to be able to smiler all the time and it not be fake. I want to be able to live things up to the fullest. I dont want to rely on others anymore for things. I mean, I go from one crush to another and thats not healthy either. I dont know. If anyone knows anything that would help feel free to voice your opinion.