A letter to the Commodore, as edited by Mr. Cotton's Parrot
"My Dear Commodore-"
My Dear - ha ha ha! Captain's in love! Braaaaawk!
Shut up, Parrot.
My Dear
"Commodore,
I write to you in regards to a recent account in the Port Royale Gazette in which unnamed naval officers made certain statements of a most scurrilous and affronting nature regarding Myself. While I was amused most heartily by many of the descriptions of my exploits, You Sir, were quoted as referring to me as a "Common Pirate." I must take umbrage with this accounting, Commodore. Alluding to me as being nothing more than a Common Pirate wounds my heart-"
Wounds my heart! Tender-hearted pirate! ha ha ha! Captain's in love! Braaaaawk!
Shut up, Parrot! I'm warning you.
wounds my heart.
"…mortifies me exceedingly. As I am sure you are well aware, my exploits and adventures are renowned the world over. I flatter myself that-"
You certainly do flatter yourself! Ha ha ha! Braaaaawk!
Parrot, if you value your tiny life, you will shut up now.
I flatter myself that
"It gave me great pain-"
Great pain! ha ha ha! Poor tender Captain! Braaaaawk!
We'll see just how tender you are cooked in a stew if you do not cease your squawking this instant, Parrot.
Shutting up, Captain. Braaaaawk!
It gave me great pain
"This Account in your papers of our recent Encounter in Port Royale, during which I rescued the fair damsel Elizabeth from a Sure Death by drowning, and then heroically eluded Capture by You and your Feckless Band of naval officers, failed to mention my attempts to assist you and your men from encountering the Cursed Crew of that thrice Damned pirate, Barbossa may he rot in hell. Instead, an "unnamed naval officer" described me as a "filthy, tattered, drunkard Disgrace of a Pirate," and then bragged that He would not cease in his Efforts to rid the world of this Vile Lot of Pirates, of which I was again named among their Wretched Company.
"While it has never been my intention to exaggerate the merits of my own, dare I say, Extraordinary Achievements in the fields of…"
Debauchery and stealing! Ha ha ha! Braaaaawk!
NOT ONE MORE WORD, PARROT.
"… naval exploration and adventuring, surely you must realize that I am no mere common pirate. I am Captain Jack Sparrow! Furthermore, it had been my fondest hope--"
Fondest hope! ha ha ha! Captain's in love! Braaaaawk -- eek! Don't throw me in the laundry chest, Captain!
I WARNED YOU, PARROT.
(From inside the locked chest: Sorry, Captain! Let me out! Braaawk!)
fondest hope
"...belief that you and I had come to an Understanding regarding my stature as a Good Man who was undeserving of such vile Ridicule and Scorn as were heaped upon my good name in the course of this news report. While I do not mind hearing these sorts of lies fall from the lips of other Men, from you Sir, I had higher hopes, as I had sensed in you a Kindred Spirit.
"To rectify this unfortunate situation, I invite you to dine with me aboard the Black Pearl, where we can engage upon a lively intercourse-"
(From inside the locked chest: Intercourse! Ha ha ha ha! Braaawk!)
intercourse
"…discussion about the nature of Piracy, both Common and Uncommon. We can dine upon curried parrot-"
(From inside the locked chest: Eep! No! Sorry, Captain! I'll be good!)
curried parrot
"…curried goat and fine French wine. Perhaps, Commodore, I can even hope that you would deign to consider sailing with me on a short excursion of which I have in mind, so that you may see for yourself what the life of an Uncommon Pirate truly entails."
With my best wishes,
Your faithful & obedt Pirate,
Captain Jack Sparrow
Tortuga, 7th January
My Dear - ha ha ha! Captain's in love! Braaaaawk!
Shut up, Parrot.
My Dear
"Commodore,
I write to you in regards to a recent account in the Port Royale Gazette in which unnamed naval officers made certain statements of a most scurrilous and affronting nature regarding Myself. While I was amused most heartily by many of the descriptions of my exploits, You Sir, were quoted as referring to me as a "Common Pirate." I must take umbrage with this accounting, Commodore. Alluding to me as being nothing more than a Common Pirate wounds my heart-"
Wounds my heart! Tender-hearted pirate! ha ha ha! Captain's in love! Braaaaawk!
Shut up, Parrot! I'm warning you.
wounds my heart.
"…mortifies me exceedingly. As I am sure you are well aware, my exploits and adventures are renowned the world over. I flatter myself that-"
You certainly do flatter yourself! Ha ha ha! Braaaaawk!
Parrot, if you value your tiny life, you will shut up now.
I flatter myself that
"It gave me great pain-"
Great pain! ha ha ha! Poor tender Captain! Braaaaawk!
We'll see just how tender you are cooked in a stew if you do not cease your squawking this instant, Parrot.
Shutting up, Captain. Braaaaawk!
It gave me great pain
"This Account in your papers of our recent Encounter in Port Royale, during which I rescued the fair damsel Elizabeth from a Sure Death by drowning, and then heroically eluded Capture by You and your Feckless Band of naval officers, failed to mention my attempts to assist you and your men from encountering the Cursed Crew of that thrice Damned pirate, Barbossa may he rot in hell. Instead, an "unnamed naval officer" described me as a "filthy, tattered, drunkard Disgrace of a Pirate," and then bragged that He would not cease in his Efforts to rid the world of this Vile Lot of Pirates, of which I was again named among their Wretched Company.
"While it has never been my intention to exaggerate the merits of my own, dare I say, Extraordinary Achievements in the fields of…"
Debauchery and stealing! Ha ha ha! Braaaaawk!
NOT ONE MORE WORD, PARROT.
"… naval exploration and adventuring, surely you must realize that I am no mere common pirate. I am Captain Jack Sparrow! Furthermore, it had been my fondest hope--"
Fondest hope! ha ha ha! Captain's in love! Braaaaawk -- eek! Don't throw me in the laundry chest, Captain!
I WARNED YOU, PARROT.
(From inside the locked chest: Sorry, Captain! Let me out! Braaawk!)
fondest hope
"...belief that you and I had come to an Understanding regarding my stature as a Good Man who was undeserving of such vile Ridicule and Scorn as were heaped upon my good name in the course of this news report. While I do not mind hearing these sorts of lies fall from the lips of other Men, from you Sir, I had higher hopes, as I had sensed in you a Kindred Spirit.
"To rectify this unfortunate situation, I invite you to dine with me aboard the Black Pearl, where we can engage upon a lively intercourse-"
(From inside the locked chest: Intercourse! Ha ha ha ha! Braaawk!)
intercourse
"…discussion about the nature of Piracy, both Common and Uncommon. We can dine upon curried parrot-"
(From inside the locked chest: Eep! No! Sorry, Captain! I'll be good!)
curried parrot
"…curried goat and fine French wine. Perhaps, Commodore, I can even hope that you would deign to consider sailing with me on a short excursion of which I have in mind, so that you may see for yourself what the life of an Uncommon Pirate truly entails."
With my best wishes,
Your faithful & obedt Pirate,
Captain Jack Sparrow
Tortuga, 7th January