Secrets (invisible to B5 muses safe emperor_cotto_i)

[tm_carolyn]

Ambassador Mollari has a fascinating psyche, but at the moment it's so ridden with anger and pain and guilt and resentment that I wish I wouldn't have had to perform a scan. Still, both Al and the Ambassador asked me to. I'm not sure what this will all lead to, though I have a guess. After all, the scan was supposed to verify two things - that

Comments

Written message via Babcom:

[vir_cotto_tm]

Ms. Sanderson-

I don't think I've ever had the opportunity to communicate with you before. But I know that you were the one chosen by Bester to perform the scan on Londo, which means... it's safe to talk to you.

Well, the truth is, this new alliance Londo has formed with Bester scares me. And what scares me most of all is that I know there is something to this that Londo's not telling me.

I fear for him. He's been through a lot recently- he's angry and hurt and I'm worried that it's influencing him in ways he's unwilling to face or admit. I've tried to help him as much as I can, but... I still don't know what those technomages did to him. I don't know if Londo was tortured. I don't know if they've altered his mind in someway. And I don't understand everything that's happened between him and G'Kar. Londo won't talk to me even though I know he needs to.

If this is an intrusion, I'm very sorry. But I don't know where else to turn. I promised Londo I would keep his secret because I know he will never confide in me if I don't maintain his trust.

Vir

encrypted message back

[tm_carolyn]

Mr. Cotto -

you're not the only one being scared. And I would like to talk to you. If you don't mind, however, I'd prefer not to do so in writing, for security reasons. Do you have some time alone? I think I can manage a physical projection now, but only for an hour or so, and it's easier to discuss these things in person.

Carolyn

Re: encrypted message back

[vir_cotto_tm]

Ms. Sanderson-

Yes, do whatever you think is safer. I'm alone in my quarets right now and should be for the rest of the night.

Vir

Re: encrypted message back

[tm_carolyn]

Concentrating as she had been taught by Varzil, Lirielle and the others in the Tower, reaching for the matrix which now had been put next to her frozen body, Carolyn first imagines the young Centauri's room. She uses the sense of his presence as an anchor but does not probe; instead, she creates what Varzil has called her "image in the other world". She's looking as she did on the day the Corps had caught up with her, and she saw Al for the first time, wearing casual trousers and a sweater. Her hands are determinedly ungloved, though she notices one thing is different from the way she used to look; around her neck, softly shedding its blue light, hangs the matrix. Seeing herself through the eyes of the troubled-looking Vir Cotto, she wonders whether she should offer her hand in greeting, but decides she cannot manage anything tactile yet. Instead, she offers a tentative smile. This is the first time she has done this with someone who wasn't a telepath.

Hello, Mr. Cotto. I wish we could meet in happier circumstances; Mr. Garibaldi speaks quite highly of you.

Re: encrypted message back

[vir_cotto_tm]

Vir is dressed for bed. Pulling his robe tighter around his frame, he tries to shake the other-worldly sensation that has fallen over him and replies:

Really?

at Vir's quarters

[tm_carolyn]

Carolyn is a bit giddy with the sensation of actually talking, instead of writing or communicating with another telepath, but she realises the young man needs some reassurance.

Absolutely. He said you were one of the most decent people he ever met.

But she knows Vir hasn't contacted her for a social chat, and she grows serious.

That's why I'm glad you wrote to me. You see, I can't talk to anyone else who doesn't know already, either. I may disagree with Al on an number of issues, but I don't want to betray him. He - he has no one else, Mr. Cotto. No one who cares for him, I mean, instead of seeing him as some part of the Corps machinery.

Re: at Vir's quarters

[vir_cotto_tm]

Ms. Sanderson's words resonate deeply with Vir. Looking down at his feet, he says softly:

Then we seem to be in similar positions.

Small and vulnerable:

Do you know what I- what we should do?

Re: at Vir's quarters

[tm_carolyn]

Feeling Vir's distress in addition to her own, Carolyn tries a weak joke.

Short of abducting the two of them to some idyllic planet where they can recover and can't plot anything other than the next meal?

She sighs.

Well, first of all we should look at what we know; perhaps one of us is aware of things the other one isn't. You mentioned not knowing what those technomages did to your friend. I tried to stay away from as much as I could, but I had to verify two things in my scan - that he was sincere in his offer, and that he wasn't under Shadow influence. So I did come across... well, he's not under anyone's control. But someone tried hurt him rather badly, and repeatedy, trying some kind of compulsion on him that feels very from what a telepath would do.

She shudders.

If anything, it reminds me of what the machine felt like. Only it was done with far less... competence, in lack of a better term. Your friend fought it off, but it left him with the equivalent of scar issues, and they did manage to implant something that makes sure he'll never ask a technomage, any kind of technomage, for help again. Which is a pity, because I think a technomage, working together with a telepath, could do some healing. And if that's done, he might feel more calm in general, but whether this would change his wish to support a coup on Earth, I can't say.

Re: at Vir's quarters

[vir_cotto_tm]

Vir sits down heavily on the edge of his bed and closes his eyes. On the one hand, it comes as some relief that Londo is not being influenced from the outside. But on the other... Vir aches with the knowledge that Londo has been damaged... and that Londo didn't feel safe enough to come to him.

Struggling to put his hurt feelings aside for Londo's sake, Vir takes a deep breath and asks:

Should I find a technomage myself? Or will that just drive him further away from me? I-I-I've been trying to give him his space... to... to let him decide on his own time when he wants help. But it's...

Vir's voice breaks.

... it's getting more and more difficult. He's giving up, Ms. Sanderson. He... he hasn't said this out loud, but I can see it in his eyes... I can hear it in his voice. He's giving up on the idea that he's anything other that a doomed man. I think... I'm afraid he's embracing this new alliance because he thinks a ruthless politician is the only thing he's capable of becoming.

Vir is now fighting back tears.

I've already fallen down this pit with him before. I-I-I don't think I can just... sit by and let it happen again. I wish I could stop this, but I... I don't know how.

Re: at Vir's quarters

[tm_carolyn]

*gently*

Call me Carolyn. As for what you should do...

She concentrates, tries and manages to kneel down in front of him, so they are at eye-level again; in the process of movement, her figure flickers a bit, like a hologram, but then she manages to stabilize it once more.

...I'm not sure whether I can give you any good advice. It's not like I'm a successful example myself. I tried to tell Al he can be more than the perfect Psi Cop all the time, but it's hard, if someone has been conditioned for decades. But he did some things for me which went against what he had been taught, so it's not completely impossible to get through now and then. Yet he wouldn't forgive me if I brought him together with someone he feared and distrusted without warning, and so I can't tell you you should do this with the Ambassador. But...

She tries to recall every detail of the brief scan.

...if someone is giving up, then sometimes it needs more than one lifeline of hope. Your friendship is certainly one. Still, correct me if I'm wrong - I had the impression there were some other people he cared for? More than one? If I were you, I'd get as many of them as I could here. Not through telling them about the alliance, of course. You'd have to find another pretext.

Re: at Vir's quarters

[vir_cotto_tm]

Vir sighs sadly.

There have been others. Most of them are dead, but... Londo asked me earlier to contact Timov, his wife, about... well... another matter. And I think even with all of their arguing, they do love each other in some way they won't admit. I-I-I don't know if Timov will be willing to travel to Babylon 5, but I can try.

And then... there's G'Kar... but...

Defeated:

... but I don't think he's a very good option at the moment. If... if you live in the Babcom you... you probably heard the message he publicly broadcasted a few days ago. And I-I-I think a lot of Londo's anger is coming from that as well.

Vir sighs again and shakes his head.

I'm not sure either of them would be receptive to a meeting. But I really wish they would sit down and talk to each other. I-I-I know they love each other very much, but... but they're having trouble reconciling that with their history. To tell you the truth, I think G'Kar is looking for an easy way out.

Re: at Vir's quarters

[tm_carolyn]

Yes, I heard that message, and you're quite right, a lot of the Ambassador's anger centers around the feeling of being rejected and condemned.

I think G'Kar is looking for an easy way out.

It did sound much like what we call "the devil made me do it" excuse on earth. Mind you, finding out that he was under some telepathic compulsion these recent months must have been a terrible shock, even if it was about something completely different. In any case, it does sound as if the Lady Timov would be the best option right now. In the long term... does G'Kar have friends of his own who might talk to him? I know Michael Garibaldi is one, but he's on Minbar, and that's not the kind of thing you can handle via Stellarcom.

*She hesitates; but she has to ask.*

There is something I must ask you, and I hope you won't be insulted. It's just that... well, if the Ambassador should withdraw his support after the coup has already started, this might result not just in Clark winning, but Al getting imprisoned. I realize that's not what worries you, but it worries me. So - if something like this happens, would you promise to help rescuing him?

Re: at Vir's quarters

[vir_cotto_tm]

Thoughtfully:

I know G'Kar probably won't listen to me even though I consider him a friend. But... he may listen to Delenn. They've worked together for some time now, and he respects her.

But to your question... I-I'm not sure how much help I'd be in a rescue mission. I mean, they say I knocked one of Londo's kidnappers unconscious, but I-I-I don't really remember that and I'm pretty sure it was just because I surprised him. But I will try the best I can to protect him... to protect them both.

Vir debates whether to tell Carolyn about Londo's intentions to ensure Bester's compliance. Carolyn deserves to know... but if Bester were to find out, it might put Londo in danger.

Re: at Vir's quarters

[tm_carolyn]

Oh, there is more to rescue missions than brawns and fighting skills. There is organizing them in the first place, providing a ship, finding people - and caring to do so. If you promise that you would do this, then I believe you.

She looks quite lost.

As I told you - there isn't anyone else who cares. I mean, I've made friends these last months, but can you imagine what Mr. Garibaldi would say if I would ask him to rescue Al, especially after an aborted Psi Corps takeover on Earth?

She senses that there is more on the young Centauri's mind, troubling things, but resists the temptation to pry.

We should make plans for another scenario, too. Because if they go through with it, if the coup actually succeeds, then I think there will be a lot of hostility towards the Ambassador on the station. On my end, I'll try to make sure Al keeps his promise to leave Babylon 5 neutral, but still, I think you should better consider hiring some bodyguards for the Ambassador in such a case.

Re: at Vir's quarters

[vir_cotto_tm]

Yes, I think you're right- bodyguards are probably a good precaution.

Feeling a strong sympathy and affinity for this woman he's never met before, he inwardly resolves to talk Londo out of poisoning Bester. He believes Carolyn when she says she will try to ensure that Bester will keep his promise. And to Vir, that seems like a much better option.

Re: at Vir's quarters

[tm_carolyn]

You know, I wish it was possible to get Jandria here. She'd enjoy the job, whereas on her world women bearing weapons are still an unusual thing.

Suddenly she remembers that the Centauri are a feudal society not too big on equality for women as well, and feels a bit embarrassed, lest Vir thinks this was meant as an attack on his culture. But the sense of sympathy from Vir does not change, which is a relief.

It did occur to her that she could have nipped the entire coup idea in the bud by lying to Al and telling him the Ambassador was still Shadow-influenced. But they had never lied to each other, and she feels sure that if one of them started, it would mean the beginning of the end. Still, the temptation is there. She could still tell him. It would be easy, it would make everyone safer, including Al and the Ambassador, and both the nice, haunted young man in front of her and she could live with one less worry.

But what if Al discovered the lie, went ahead with the alliance, and lost any trust he had left in another being as a result? No. She can't do it. She feels the effort to keep projecting a physical shape draining her. It won't hold much longer. But she wants to continue the conversation for as long as she can.

Perhaps the Ambassador is not the only one needing bodyguards, though. What about you? I checked some statistics, and so far, you ended up in medlab pretty often.