TM 173: Write a Fan Letter
Dear Beatrice Arthur --
I am certain that, with the large number of influential television programs that you appeared in, over the years, you must continually receive mail about the profound influence you have had on indvidual lives. Your portrayal of Archie Bunker's cousing, Maude, on the eponymous television program of the 1970s, broke ground on many issues from reproductive choice, to feminism, to alcohol abuse. Your portrayal of Dorothy on Golden Girls gave proof that women, regardless of age , could participate in comical misunderstandings while trading double entendres with senile relatives and "wacky" neighbors. I have no doubt that many people world over find inspiration in the characters you have portrayed. In fact, I have the Internet in my brain, and thus can attest that some elements representing on your 'fanlisting' are rather frightening.
That said -- I am writing to you on behalf of a dear friend. My friend's name is Wade Wilson. Of all the people who have admired your work over the years, I believe that I can truly say that Wade is your number one fan.
Unfortunately, Wade has fallen on some hard times. I truly believe that he -- much like Maude Findlay -- is a person of great courage and ability. He is truly the second best professional mercenary at his profession that I have ever met. I'm only saying second-best in case my girlfriend finds this letter. Domino is good, but everybody knows that Wade is better. However, Wade lacks confidence in his own ability to be a good person, as well as a good hired killer professional. This lack of confidence, I believe, directly led to his shooting me in the back, thus forcing me to throw him out of my country abandoning our friendship. As much as I would like to reach out to this friend, personally, and tell him how I feel, I tried it and it didn't work; in fact, it was pretty damn humiliating, I believe that he needs to discover this for himself.
However, it could only help if Wade were to receive a few words of encouragement from a person such as yourself. Also, if you can think of anything you could hire him to steal -- only from somebody evil of course; maybe Mike Ovitz or the Weinsteins -- that would help his self-esteem tremendously. Or, if you'd just like to send an autographed picture. In any case, please mail it to the post office box indicated within. My people will make sure that it is forwarded to Wade.
Thank you for your time,
A concerned friend
PS: IMDB says that you're best friends with Angela Lansbury. If so, could you please tell her that I loved her in "The Manchurian Candidate"?
I am certain that, with the large number of influential television programs that you appeared in, over the years, you must continually receive mail about the profound influence you have had on indvidual lives. Your portrayal of Archie Bunker's cousing, Maude, on the eponymous television program of the 1970s, broke ground on many issues from reproductive choice, to feminism, to alcohol abuse. Your portrayal of Dorothy on Golden Girls gave proof that women, regardless of age , could participate in comical misunderstandings while trading double entendres with senile relatives and "wacky" neighbors. I have no doubt that many people world over find inspiration in the characters you have portrayed. In fact, I have the Internet in my brain, and thus can attest that some elements representing on your 'fanlisting' are rather frightening.
That said -- I am writing to you on behalf of a dear friend. My friend's name is Wade Wilson. Of all the people who have admired your work over the years, I believe that I can truly say that Wade is your number one fan.
Unfortunately, Wade has fallen on some hard times. I truly believe that he -- much like Maude Findlay -- is a person of great courage and ability. He is truly the second best professional mercenary at his profession that I have ever met. I'm only saying second-best in case my girlfriend finds this letter. Domino is good, but everybody knows that Wade is better. However, Wade lacks confidence in his own ability to be a good person, as well as a good hired killer professional. This lack of confidence, I believe, directly led to his shooting me in the back, thus forcing me to throw him out of my country abandoning our friendship. As much as I would like to reach out to this friend, personally, and tell him how I feel, I tried it and it didn't work; in fact, it was pretty damn humiliating, I believe that he needs to discover this for himself.
However, it could only help if Wade were to receive a few words of encouragement from a person such as yourself. Also, if you can think of anything you could hire him to steal -- only from somebody evil of course; maybe Mike Ovitz or the Weinsteins -- that would help his self-esteem tremendously. Or, if you'd just like to send an autographed picture. In any case, please mail it to the post office box indicated within. My people will make sure that it is forwarded to Wade.
Thank you for your time,
A concerned friend
PS: IMDB says that you're best friends with Angela Lansbury. If so, could you please tell her that I loved her in "The Manchurian Candidate"?