Now that it's no longer Christmas here
I need to whine. And I'm sorry in advance.
Here's the situation. I live with my eldest sister, F. Our parents are deceased. For various reasons, we are not close to any of our other relatives so it's really just me, sister F, and our third sister R. R lives in a different state, an 8 drive from here. She isn't married and spends all of the major holidays at our house.
Generally this is fine. But this year? Not so much. F and I are very much alike. We have many of the same characteristics, the same outlook, the same zen - if you will. R is very much not like us. Her sensibilities are not ours. Her outlook is not the same as ours. And when she's in our house? I don't feel at home here.
It hurts me to say it but it's true. When she's here, I feel like a stranger in my own house. You know how some people can take over whatever space they occupy? That's her. I'm sure she doesn't do it on purpose. Honestly, it's as though she doesn't know any better. She doesn't like the music we listen to, she doesn't like the movies we watch, she doesn't like the TV shows we enjoy. And because when she's here, she doesn't think of herself as a "guest," she informs us that our choices are not the ones she would prefer we make.
I know what some of you must be thinking - tell her. Reassert control. Well, I am confrontational averse. And it's only a week. Is it worth making her miserable, or worse making her feel unwelcome? I can't do it.
Tonight I told F how I felt and had a complete meltdown. And I know it's not all about R being here. I know that. But.... but I'm angry and I hate being this angry.
F and I got her a couple of small gifts which we didn't give her today. I wasn't going to be all Christmas Cheer when I was already this angry. And F never suggested we give them to her so we never did. Then F asked me why I hadn't given R the gifts. I thought it was a group decision but felt guilty because F was waiting for me to take care of it.
On top of it all, R didn't bring us any gifts. Yes, we're adults and Christmas presents are really for children. But do you have any idea how hurtful it can be not to have any presents to open on Christmas? And to put this into perspective, a year and a half a go, I was in the hospital with food poisoning for a week. Half way through my hospitalization was my birthday. Did R send me flowers or a card or some balloons? No she did not. So my anger is long simmering and... upsetting even to me.
And I am not so materialistic that I think I deserve presents or that Christmas is only about getting gifts. But if it's true that it's the thought that counts, then clearly she never spares us a second thought. And I think that's the most hurtful part of all.
I'll get over this anger and this hurt. But next year I just may spend Christmas in Hawaii. Drinking heavily. You're welcome to join me.
Here's the situation. I live with my eldest sister, F. Our parents are deceased. For various reasons, we are not close to any of our other relatives so it's really just me, sister F, and our third sister R. R lives in a different state, an 8 drive from here. She isn't married and spends all of the major holidays at our house.
Generally this is fine. But this year? Not so much. F and I are very much alike. We have many of the same characteristics, the same outlook, the same zen - if you will. R is very much not like us. Her sensibilities are not ours. Her outlook is not the same as ours. And when she's in our house? I don't feel at home here.
It hurts me to say it but it's true. When she's here, I feel like a stranger in my own house. You know how some people can take over whatever space they occupy? That's her. I'm sure she doesn't do it on purpose. Honestly, it's as though she doesn't know any better. She doesn't like the music we listen to, she doesn't like the movies we watch, she doesn't like the TV shows we enjoy. And because when she's here, she doesn't think of herself as a "guest," she informs us that our choices are not the ones she would prefer we make.
I know what some of you must be thinking - tell her. Reassert control. Well, I am confrontational averse. And it's only a week. Is it worth making her miserable, or worse making her feel unwelcome? I can't do it.
Tonight I told F how I felt and had a complete meltdown. And I know it's not all about R being here. I know that. But.... but I'm angry and I hate being this angry.
F and I got her a couple of small gifts which we didn't give her today. I wasn't going to be all Christmas Cheer when I was already this angry. And F never suggested we give them to her so we never did. Then F asked me why I hadn't given R the gifts. I thought it was a group decision but felt guilty because F was waiting for me to take care of it.
On top of it all, R didn't bring us any gifts. Yes, we're adults and Christmas presents are really for children. But do you have any idea how hurtful it can be not to have any presents to open on Christmas? And to put this into perspective, a year and a half a go, I was in the hospital with food poisoning for a week. Half way through my hospitalization was my birthday. Did R send me flowers or a card or some balloons? No she did not. So my anger is long simmering and... upsetting even to me.
And I am not so materialistic that I think I deserve presents or that Christmas is only about getting gifts. But if it's true that it's the thought that counts, then clearly she never spares us a second thought. And I think that's the most hurtful part of all.
I'll get over this anger and this hurt. But next year I just may spend Christmas in Hawaii. Drinking heavily. You're welcome to join me.