NEW: Donna's Healing Touch (1/1)

[tkel_paris]

Title: Donna's Healing Touch

Rating: T

Author: tkel_paris

Summary: Donna offered a healing touch to a mentally exhausted Doctor, who needs comforting. But he's freaking out trying to imagine what it involves.

Disclaimer: Oh, if only this scene had happened! :D

Dedication: tardis-mole. I know I can blame this one on him. I'm just feeling too lazy today to pull up the emails to prove it. :P

Author's Note: This was originally going to be a different story, but then this unfolded. And then in the midst of writing the first draft, it transformed again - from third person to first person POV. Anyway, Ten seemed to love physical contact. Let's play with that thought, shall we?

Posted to wish a happy birthday to ddshipper9692!

Not sure this will be cross-posed to FF.N, given all the annoying problems there lately.


Donna's Healing Touch

Started May 9, 2012
Finished June 8, 2012

I sat in my room, shaking from the weight of the day. The events on board the Crusader vessel played over and over in my mind. The fright of the passengers, the horror that Sky felt before she was taken, the absolute terror of the creature seizing control over my body...

I knew I was shivering. I came so close to dying. The possibilities of what could've happened then were horrible. And Donna...I knew the creature would've gone after her, because she would've raised such a ruckus trying to stop them. I knew she was wiser than nearly all of my previous companions, but I also knew that desperation could drive someone to extremes they normally wouldn't go near.

I saw the proof of that on that vessel. Clasping my hands together didn't stop the shaking. I would've been utterly embarrassed if I could've managed the energy.

Donna had sent me into my room minutes after we went into the Vortex. She'd be back, she said, to give a healing touch.

Now, at the time I just nodded, too numb to really focus on anything. It was such a relief to let her take charge and even pilot us into the Vortex. She'd learned so well, and I am so proud of and for her. She is simply the best thing that has ever happened to me. This kind of a touchstone would have been so helpful to my people, but they were probably too arrogant to have accepted that had it been available to them. Especially from a human.

If I could've managed, I would've scowled over the thought. Donna called me an outer space dunce. I shudder to think what impression the Time Lords would've made on her. I can see her coming up with a huge list of the ways we weren't a perfect society. The big shock Leela created? A flash in the pan compared with the stir Donna would've unquestionably caused.

As scary as the thought of it was, it might've been entertaining.

But then my thoughts drifted to what Donna meant by “a healing touch.” And I became very nervous. Instantly. That's why I was shaking.

My mind can run a light-year a minute under normal circumstances. Useful when one can see what has been, what will be, what must be, and what must not be all at once. Okay, not always. Else I could've seen the Last Great Time War coming and maybe done something different.

But what could she mean? Hold my hands? Well, that can't be it. She'd held them both on the planet. And we've held hands all the time.

Really, it dawned then on me right then, we did it far too often for two people who were supposed to be just mates. Hand-holding was still considered a rather potent signal that two people were a couple, or were family. And only Caecillius ever made the family assumption where we are concerned - after making the other assumption. Even her grandfather thought we're destined to be a couple.

He should've seen me be a total prat when Donna invited herself aboard. I say invited herself because she was all packed. No one's ever taken so much with them when they travelled with me. I mean, a hatbox! She has a hatbox! I've heard of some very unusual purposes for those.

No. Believe me, you don't want to know. Here's a clue: Jack Harkness knows every last one of them. Does that tell you enough?

Thank you. I really didn't want to get into that. Where was I?

A hug didn't make any sense either. That was the first thing she offered physically when we were reunited. The tightest one she'd ever given me. Even more so than any time either of us had escaped death. Today she took one look at me and knew that I had been shaken to my soul. It was simply the most important hug of my life. I never wanted it to end.

And I love hugging. The physical contact is the only thing I have to even remotely handle the emptiness in my mind. It's a moment of brushing directly against someone else's mind, but they're not even aware of it. I'm not sure how many would've still hugged me had they known. And Donna's hugs? Oh, the best! She puts herself wholly into the act. It feels like you're wrapped in her essence for a moment. Like a parcel. It's the most comforting place in the universe, so I'll admit I look for excuses to hug her and be hugged by her.

You have to understand. Physical contact pretty much never happened between Time Lords. What did had telepathy involved. A sharing of information on a faster and smoother level than simple regular communication - the kind that most humans think of.

Well, assuming they're not believers in the Vulcan method. I still want to know which Time Lords were careless enough to practice that within Gene Roddenberry's line of sight!

Anyway, so I knew it couldn't be a hug or hand-holding. But what did that leave? We were just mates! Which meant a kiss was out of the question, too.

Okay...I'll admit it, even though I don't like to think about it. Still. That knowledge saddened me a bit. Well, a lot. Although I tried to not think about that. The Detox? No, I did mean the kiss. I just couldn't admit it to Donna. Not after she'd made it plain that she thought of me as a skinny streak of nothing, and she wanted “none of that nonsense.”

Oh, Rassilon, that hurt! A lot.

I suppose I should explain a few things. Yes, I was deeply fond of Rose, but she was a lot fonder of me. Actually, fond isn't the right word, but still. I'm afraid I made the biggest mess of things with her, and there's now no way to correct it. I was going to tell her, in the face of my grief for everyone who had died because of Canary Wharf, to have a good life and move on. Stupid git; that's what Donna would call me if she knew the whole story. I sometimes talk at half the speed of light, but I couldn't get out the most important words I needed to say to Rose. If I'd had the inclination, I would've slapped myself.

I met Donna at a moment when I really needed to be shaken out of my mood. This me has more mood swings in a day than Jackie Tyler had boyfriends and other visitors. But when I'm in a really bad mood, it takes a lot to get me out of it.

Being slapped apparently does a good job. The worst was gone after the first, and the second made me much more considerate of her. Not that one should need reminding to be considerate to Donna - she's worthy of so much more than she's received from anyone. Well, except her father and grandfather.

Her mother... Oh, I should've given her a what-for to end all what-fors! I know she helped make Donna into the brilliant woman she is today, but enough is enough!

Strange how thinking about things that make me angry is lifting me a bit out of this...depression. Yes, that's the word. Yet another mood that Time Lords were never supposed to have. Maybe it's a good thing this regeneration happened well after the Time Lock. I would've made the worst Time Lord of all the men I've been. According to my people.

Anyway, I guess I have what Donna calls issues where Rose is concerned. She called me on clinging to the memories, especially after she had a long talk with Martha. Okay, there's another person I didn't treat right, and it could've been avoided. Well, maybe I couldn't have prevented Martha fancying me, but I could've treated her much better. I mean, I still probably owe her for 1913.

Where was I? Oh, yeah... Excuse me while I clear my throat. This is really awkward to admit to.

I love Donna Noble.

There, I said it. If only in my mind. I can't say it aloud. I saw how she reacted to thinking that I wanted to mate. Now, I wasn't thinking along those lines. I truly, honestly thought that I just wanted a mate. That lasted until she was willing to sacrifice her life to save Pompeii. And as we had more adventures, I realized that I'd fallen for her the day we met.

She might have been right to say no that day. I was in a bad state still. Although I should've visited her. Of course, it probably wouldn't have occurred to me, and might've still caused a paradox or two. The previous “visits” to Earth? None went well. Either something bad happened or I had to give bad news to someone.

And the things that have happened since I realized I didn't want her to ever leave? Yeah, I don't want to think about them. Even the Detox. She looked so shocked that she could only have been offended.

Although...I swear I felt something odd when she shocked me. Detected something in her mind and feelings that... No, it couldn't be.

When she entered my room, carrying tea for us both, I wasn't sure whether I was relieved to be knocked out of my thoughts or exponentially more nervous. So imagine my surprise when she just told me to lose my jacket. “I think you need a little massage,” she said.

I had to be talked into it. I wasn't keen on someone touching me that much, but she looked pointedly at me and made a long observation about how I carry the weight of the universe on my shoulders. She asked me to try it, just for a few minutes. I could have my cup of tea in my hands, if I wanted.

Well, Donna's quite good at talking me into things. She doesn't know how good. So I caved. At least I didn't have to lie down - she let me stay upright and keep my shirt on.

I was surprised at how relaxing it was in the end. Oh, I didn't realize how much tension I've carried physically. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm still carrying tension from my first self. I'd think about how long it might take to work through all of it, but I'd rather not go there.

Mind, I was feeling a lot better once she finished with my shoulders, upper back, and neck. That alone had me feeling more like myself, and more at peace with the universe.

Then she moved on to my scalp.

Now, I like my hair as it currently is. You might've noticed. And yes, it is naturally this way. Just took it a while to figure that out. Evidently, I was still carrying a bit of post-regeneration sickness up to Christmas 2007. Strange, but that's my life. It never occurred to me to let another touch it.

Her fingers, however, made me instantly a lot more relaxed. I will even own up to being reduced to purring. I was fully expecting to be made fun of for that...when another reaction was triggered.

At first I didn't know what caused the moan I let out. It was only when she suddenly pulled back that it clicked with my thick head. Arousal. Her touching my scalp in that way triggered instant sexual urges.

I jumped away, nearly dropping my empty cup. A glance in her direction told me that she was in shock, and recognized what the sound meant. So I dashed verbally into apologizing. I don't want to repeat what I said - you must know how I ramble - because it's highly embarrassing. Suffice to say that I had to admit to my feelings and beg forgiveness, promising I'd never even mention it again and outright begging her to stay with me.

I didn't get any more words out. Because suddenly her lips were on mine.

And I actually lost track of time. Because if one of Donna's hugs was wonderful, that felt like heaven. No threat of dying hanging over me. Just us.

When she let me go, shocked as I was, she shyly smiled and said something that ensured I needed my respiratory bypass: “You're not the only one who's been hiding your real feelings.”

I'm not telling you what happened after. You're clearly friends with Jack. You can probably guess a fair bit. I will say this much: I am now the luckiest person in the universe. Any of them.

And now excuse me. My wife needs me to bring her lunch. Time Tots take a lot out of a human body.

THE END