NEW: A Different Threefold Man (3/10?)
Title: A Different Three-Fold Man
Rating: T
Author:
tkel_paris
Summary: Not even Caan could see every possibility. The Hand was far more aware than anyone gave it credit for, and it transformed itself into something different. Now Donna Noble and the Doctor have their work cut out for them.
Dedication:
tardis_mole. This was provoked by “Another Fine Mess.” You'll have to read it all the way through to have any clue why. And yes, I beta read that story, so in a tiny way I'm tooting my own horn in addition to TM's. ;D And thank you, my friend, for the chapter titles! :D
Disclaimer: Rose Tyler wouldn't have been anywhere near Series 4, and therefore this probably couldn't have happened, had I anything to do with owning these characters. I've lost all respect for the character, I freely admit it. Which means I've lost some respect for her creator. Shame, since he also created characters that I adore.
Author's Note: A new entry for the Alternate Handy Fanfiction Challenge. Nope, we haven't mined this one to death. Not at all! :D And there are still other possibilities! :D
And now here comes the fun part: the implications of the twins knowing everything in their parents' heads. ;D
And yes, I'm still figuring out how to include pictures to show just how young I see the twins as looking. Will do that when I can.
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2
Chapter Three: Twin Speaks
As the hugging was dying off, with Rose still staying close to the Doctor's side, the twins decided it was time to go on the offensive. A quick mental glance to see who wanted to start, and Duplicate Donna began. “So, Dad,” she called out sharply, drawing all conversation and cheering to a halt, “when were you going to tell Mum what you're planning for us? That you're going to exile at least my brother for genocide even though it was a necessary evil?”
Donna stopped the Doctor from replying. “Wait! Exile?! You mean to Chiswick, right?!” She fixed her eyes on the daft Martian.
The Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He'd seen that intensity in her face before, and no good had come his way from talking any time before when she was in such a state.
The Duplicate Doctor laughed harshly. “Oh, please! That'd be better than what he's thinking of! He's thinking of bloody Pete's World!”
His mother gasped in horror. “Doctor!” She marched right in front of him. “Tell me they're imagining things!”
The Doctor swallowed, once again reminded of how hard Donna could slap. “He committed genocide with her help-”
Donna rushed right in front of him. “And so did you! Remember the Empress of the Racnoss?! Her children that you drowned by draining the Thames?! What other choice did you have then?! You said yourself that the controls were going out! How much longer would we have had before we lost all ability to keep those bloody pepper pots from moving and being able to shoot us?! Tell me! And tell me what the Shadow Proclamation would've done differently? The Daleks were ripping planets out of time and space, trying to destroy all of Creation! Would that have carried the death penalty?”
The Doctor found himself feeling like he was in a tiny prison, the walls closing in around him. “Well,” he spoke in a tiny voice, “for Davros at least, yes.”
Jack cut in. “But would they have had enough time to come in? Could they have rounded all of those Daleks up? How many more lives would've been lost if those twins of yours hadn't done what they did?”
The Doctor found no answer. His ship grumbled at him in warning, starting a lecture that would've put a Jewish mother-induced guilt trip to shame.
Sarah Jane stepped forward, vaguely noting the tone of the TARDIS background humming had taken a rather dark tone. “We're not saying that it's good. I saw that the Daleks were once something else, but once any beings have killed that many people, present that much of a danger, how many chances can you afford to give them? How many do you think my planet, especially in its current state, can give?”
The Doctor cleared his throat. He tried to find the answer that would explain his feelings, but his ship hadn't let up in her sharp admonishments.
Duplicate Donna sighed. “This reminded you too much of the Time War, didn't it?”
Her father cringed.
Duplicate Doctor nodded grimly. “And there's all those things that Davros and Caan made you face. You're feeling guilty, but you can't punish yourself because there are things you know you still have to do.”
“And,” his sister added, “therefore you can't endure the punishment you feel you deserve. So we're convenient scapegoats.”
“Never mind,” Duplicate Doctor continued, tone turning as chilly as his mother's in anger, “that Rose committed genocide against the Daleks after ripping the TARDIS open without the Old Girl's permission. She got to keep traveling with you and you're thinking of exiling me?!”
The Doctor's face turned so pale his freckles looked like they were about to turn black. He felt reprimanded enough by his daughter's words. His son's took things twenty levels higher. So when he saw the flash of incandescent anger in Donna's eyes, he just waited for the inevitable. He knew he deserved it for even thinking what he had.
Donna saw fury, brighter than any red giant star. Her hand flew to the Doctor's cheek, ringing louder than an alarm and moving him more than her second slap had the day they met. She knew he saw it coming, but he didn't even try to duck. It was instinctive for her, but she wasn't going to go beyond that. Once would make her point.
Rose cried out in dismay, rushing to the Doctor's side. “Stop it! He doesn't deserve that!” Although, she thought, if Donna was slapping him, that meant she was angry with him, and might readily leave and take those clones she called the Doctor's children with her. Although sending them off to the parallel world didn't seem like a bad idea - they and their delusions would be away from the Doctor. Maybe he could send Donna with them. That sweet grandfather of hers might be hurt, but her mother surely wouldn't miss her.
And what, she faintly wondered, was that male clone talking about? How did one ask the TARDIS for permission? A sentient machine wasn't the same as a sentient person.
Donna glared at her, stopping her short. “He thought he did,” she all but growled, “and I agree.” She turned her version of the Oncoming Storm on the Doctor. “How dare you, Doctor?! Look at them! They're kids! They know what they've done, and aren't proud of it. Just like you! But they're your kids, Doctor! They're the only link you have left to your people, and you'd just send them away?!”
The Doctor swallowed. She was right. It felt wonderful to have someone filling those empty spaces in his mind. His resolve wavered.
Searching for anything to make sure he changed his mind, she stumbled onto a painful memory, and allowed it a voice. “And may I remind you about the Library!”
He blanched. Oh, no...
Donna's eyes filled with tears. “You,” she loudly whispered, “haven't even thought that this would deny me what might be my only chance to be a mother!”
He sank in his shoes. No, hadn't thought of that. So, no, he couldn't. He couldn't take away people she loved. Especially not her children. Which the Duplicates clearly were.
The room was silent, trying to follow what was happening. There was an adventure that none of them knew about, and most were smart enough to not ask. Rose didn't care to ask - it didn't matter to her what the clones were to Donna. Being accidents, they could hardly mean anything to the Doctor, after all.
Pulling herself together as she saw his pain, Donna took a deep breath. “Feel any better, Spaceman? Had enough punishment?”
The Doctor looked into his soul as far as he dared under the circumstances. Nothing had changed, which drove his mood even further down. Or was that from the need to step away from Rose's touch?
The twins sighed and shook their heads. “Nothing?” they asked. “Not a bit?”
Rose shook her head, puzzled as she followed the Doctor's steps. “But what has he done that he needs to regret? What do they have to do with anything now that the universe is safe?”
The Doctor's expression became pained as he looked at her in disbelief. It brought back awful memories, and made him wonder if he'd misjudged Rose's good qualities. Did she really see him as a perfect man, despite the evidence that he was an alien with some decidedly non-human traits? Especially when she seemed to want him to live as a human? And just dismissing his children's existence?!
She wasn't fit to watch over herself, he realized, let alone two half-Time Lords. His efforts to improve her thinking had been for naught. Ten years in Pete's World, and she hadn't let go. His hearts felt instantly heavy, feeling his failure to encourage her toward true good.
Donna gaped at her, not believing that the companion he'd acted so lost without was such an idiot. Was she deaf or something?! She glanced at him, relieved to see that he was horrified with himself.
The twins glared at Rose. The only good thing out of her comments, they thought at each other, was that their father had clearly abandoned his plans.
Rose blinked over the Doctor's unhappy expression. “What's wrong?” What reason did he have to be so unhappy now? Earth was restored, and she was back! What else could there be to do?
Donna shook her head. How oblivious to other's feelings - especially those of the person you claimed to love - could someone be?! “I saw him commit genocide to save Earth the day I met him. An old enemy - a menace, I think he called the Racnoss - who would've killed everything on Earth. He had to destroy a ship and its a fleet of little ones to protect Earth, nearly getting himself killed in the process. He's shown biased thinking that I've had to slap him out of - physically or verbally or even both. He's basically a bloke in alien form. No one is perfect, and he really needs someone to keep him from getting too big for his boots, to keep him from sinking into reckless patterns. Surely you saw some of that!” At least, Donna thought, I hope you did.
Rose frowned. “Well, deaths happen. But he's the Doctor. The most important man in the universe. He deserves to be treated with respect.”
The Doctor took a step away from Rose, horrified that she thought he didn't make mistakes. Hadn't she called him on some as Nine?!
“Oi! Listen here, you daft bint!” Duplicate Donna cried, stomping over and driving Rose several steps back from unease. “My mother has seen him at his worst and best, and so you should have too. Yet you don't know how bad it is to treat someone like they can't do anything wrong?!! To flatter their ego like some idol?!”
That her accent sounded more like the one that people heard from this Doctor was still a bit of a surprise to everyone's ears. But the fire seemed entirely Donna's, and it frightened Rose enough to drive her to her mother's side.
Time's getting short, sister, the Duplicate Doctor cautioned. We have to try something deeper on Mum and Dad.
Yes, we do. They were safe from exile, thanks to Rose's comments and their mother's outburst. Now to make the Doctor and Donna face a different music. “Besides, there are a lot of things my parents don't yet know.”
The Doctor blinked. He had to get his companions - especially Rose and Jackie - home, but his curiosity was engaged. “Like what?”
The Duplicate Doctor walked next to Donna, standing between his parents. He grinned, happy to have the chance to be the one explaining basics of a situation. “One thing about Time Lords: they can recognize a fixed event - something that must always happen - immediately, but when they have no idea what the must moments that made the fixed event possible and stable were, they can say really stupid things to the people around them.”
“Like what?” Donna beat the others to the question, but she was wondering what point her bonkers son intended to make.
He grinned wryly at his father. “Oh, like telling someone who's very special that there's nothing special about them and be a total prat.”
Donna's eyes flickered to the Doctor's with a glare. Oh, was that what those words on that rooftop were about?!
The Doctor blushed and stared at his shoes. Oh, did he wish those words unsaid!
The Children of Time wondered what had happened, but no one had the chance to ask anything. The Duplicate Doctor was too quick to continue. “Also, they can make someone who has to be there for must moments and a few fixed points think that they're more important than they are, but that's not for here.” He glanced at Rose, and saw that she hadn't connected the dots.
Big surprise, his sister groaned silently, glaring again at Rose when she opened her mouth. But she could tell the others were putting things together.
Shaking his head, he faced his mother as he continued. “More to the point, my father is absolutely rubbish with expressing his feelings - as you know well, Mum. The Time Lords really were a repressed people, and that's skewed my father's thinking in many ways. You've seen proof many times over, Mum. What you don't know is that it's made him say things to you when he really meant the exact opposite.”
Donna blinked, trying to put all these random pieced together. “Like what?”
The Doctor worried about what his son intended to say. There were a lot of things. He could list them all. He opened his mouth to speak, but found his daughter's hand in his way. She smirked at him, shaking her head.
“Oh, Mum... Remember 'I mean the Detox'?”
The Children of Time had no clue what that meant, but Jack was instantly very intrigued and determined to know the story. Mickey watched the Doctor's utterly embarrassed reaction and suddenly had a new respect and empathy for the alien. Martha's eyebrows raised, suddenly wondering about some of the Doctor's reactions during the Sontaran crisis. Sarah Jane, on the other hand, had definitely connected the dots and wanted to know what would happen next.
Donna's jaw dropped and her eyes fixed on the utterly embarrassed Spaceman, who rubbed his hair and neck in succession to handle the rush of nervous energy. Rose didn't like seeing him so uncomfortable over something he'd done. Unless it was a mistake that he was ashamed of. Yes, she silently breathed, that must be it.
Their son was amused by his parents' reactions. “Mum, think about it. If his feelings had been what you think they are or were, then would he have been laughing and smiling with you so soon after all that had happened to him on the day you both met? No, his grief was over the lives lost in that fixed event known as the Battle of Canary Wharf. You were able to draw him out of his dark thoughts. You saved his life, which saved the universe, and enabled us to be alive.”
Rose shook her head. Well, of course the Doctor was upset over the lives lost. She knew that. But she was sure his real hurt was over losing her, not what this clone was saying! She opened her mouth and got an icy look from the female clone that froze her in place.
All the talk about her needing to save him from his thoughts was something Donna had known for a while. But the part about him laughing and smiling? “But he's always hiding his feelings behind a smile and a long string of words.”
“Not like that.” He tapped his temple. “If it's in his head, it's in mine. So I know what he was really thinking and feeling at the time - and ever since - about you. And the truth isn't what you think it is, Mum.”
Donna noticed how deep the blush on the Doctor's face turned, his eyes were wider than dinner plates. Her mouth turned into a huge circle, not sure it was a good thing or a bad thing that she would hear his real thoughts.
In the back of her head, she wondered why Rose was so silent. After all, wasn't this threatening her views about the Doctor? A brief glance answered that question.
Jackie, sensing that something would happen that her daughter wouldn't like, clamped a hand over Rose's mouth at the Duplicate Doctor's words and hoped her glare would be enough to persuade the ungrateful girl her daughter had turned into that it was wise to remain quiet. And she was glad that the handsome captain - oh, she was a bit sorry she had reformed and was married again since he seemed like he would've been fun to flirt with - was standing nearby and helped hold Rose back.
“And not because he thinks any of those things you think about yourself,” their son stressed. “He looks at you with awe, Mum. He wishes he had even a fraction of your compassion, your ability to see those little things that have solved so many of the problems you two have faced. You don't know how much he wishes he'd yelled at your mother and all those at the reception for starting without you - especially when you'd vanished in a way that no human could've managed. How he wishes he could've punished Lance himself, giving him a fate worse than death for making you doubt yourself and cry because you felt no one would listen to you.”
Rose, squirming against the hands restraining her, figured that was more of a sign of what kind of a person Donna was. How could a person be special if the people around them would do that to them?
Donna wished that he wouldn't speak of that moment. But she also noticed the look in the Doctor's eyes, which told her their son was telling the truth, and that grabbed her attention. She'd been mortified when he'd been present for Lance berating her for preferring going for a packet of a new Pringles flavour than sex. She hadn't wanted to admit to Lance - let alone a strange alien - that there were things she wouldn't do without marriage, not after the lying she'd done to fit in with the friends she'd kept.
Their son's smile turned soft, burdened with the sad memories he now had to speak of. He touched his mother's shoulders with every bit of affection he could. “If you only knew how it cuts Dad to his hearts to see you cry, especially when he's unintentionally caused it. How panicked he got when he thought that you wanted to go home, leaving him behind. How he wouldn't hesitate to tear things apart to get to you each time you've been taken from his sight. How his hearts lighten when you smile and laugh - to a greater degree than anyone else ever managed.”
Rose tried to pull away from the grips of her mother and Jack, but the Duplicate Donna's eyes flickered her way again, stopping her short. The fire she saw drained all ability to speak or fight. It was the most terrifying look she'd ever seen. She suddenly had a flicker of comprehension about why the Doctor was known as the Oncoming Storm, even if the look seemed like something that would come from the last Doctor's eyes.
But, still, that clone who wore her Doctor's face was wrong. No chance the Doctor felt any of that!
Neither Donna nor the Doctor saw Rose's reaction. Nor anyone else's. Donna could only see his blushing and intense look, he could only see her shock and disbelief.
The Duplicate Doctor kept his eyes on his mother. His sister told him to get to the point, before Rose recovered her ability to speak. “Yes, Mum. You've been a breath of fresh air that's made him happier than he's ever been. You've helped him start to let go of a lot of his past, and reminded him that he can sit with the quiet and not be consumed by his regrets. He never felt able to sit so before you. You have made him feel alive again, find hope in his soul. As hard as it is to live with what he's done, you make him feel that he could one day forgive himself. He had no idea he needed to have the rug pulled out from under his feet because he does fail to see important options - and things about reality. He needs it now. He doesn't want a companion who flatters his ego.” His tone made it clear that at least one such was in the room. He also knew that the one who was the worst offender wouldn't see their folly in it. “After all, he can blow his own trumpet.”
Pausing as he realized what an unintentional innuendo he made, he turned to glare at the person whose thoughts made that discovery possible. His sister joined in shouting, “Don't, Jack!”
The Boe-Kind tried to look innocent. The other companions closed their eyes and groaned. Rose would've been more uneasy had she not remembered Jack wouldn't hug Donna.
Sighing, the Duplicate Doctor turned back to his mother and continued. “You've never flattered him. You never speak anything but what you see as the truth to him, even if it might hurt him. The only time you censor your words is when he's really hurting and you want to help him with the truth. You laugh at him, make him laugh at himself, but you've never mocked him when he has some genuine complaint. Some have.” His tone again hinted strongly at who had done it. “But you, Donna Noble, have proved to be the most important companion. The Most Important Woman in the Whole of Creation, for making it possible to stop its destruction, but certainly in the Doctor's universe. Can you see that in his eyes?”
She could. Her heart suddenly told her one thing, but her head - filed with all the doubts of her lifetime - told her she had to be imagining things because of the near-death of Creation. Her son, too.
The Doctor's eyes were fixed on Donna's disbelieving ones. Wait, I'm not a good emotional liar. How can she doubt it when my feelings have been exposed?
The Duplicate Donna took up the battle, with her eyes fixed on her father. “You see that she's having trouble believing what's in your eyes. She - like you - spent her childhood being forced into a role that she didn't want, knew in her soul wasn't for her. She was berated all her life by one who is very like her, because she was seen as a failure for not finding a career and a husband. She doesn't believe in fate and destiny, and yet she spent her life seeking it. She wanted badly to feel needed, to feel magnificent. Only when you came along, showing her a bit of the universe and saving her from danger, did she ever feel that way. She wanted so badly to accept your request to go with you.”
The Doctor blinked rapidly, not quite believing his ears. “But I scared her, so she said no.”
His daughter shook her head. “That wasn't the real reason. Yes, the whole thing of being shown that aliens existed and her fiancée was planning to feed her to a giant spider would've overwhelmed anyone - but she could've moved past that. She managed it over the Adipose mess and the Ood Planet, didn't she? No, that wasn't it.”
Donna's eyes widened and she moved her hands frantically. Her son waved his hands to try to keep her quiet. Hurry up, he shouted at his sister.
Neither had to worry. Donna's throat wouldn't let her make a sound.
“In the space of several hours, she'd had her heart broken, yes, and seemingly lost everything. But she gained the knowledge that she could make a difference. More importantly, she experienced something so suddenly, so powerfully that it took her breath away and left her frightened of herself. Because she felt like her heart was healing already because of you. You gave her proof that she would be fine, that she was worth something despite what Lance said about her. You saw her at her worst, her lowest, and you still saw someone worth boosting the spirits of. You even made her like Christmas for the first time in her adult life. But those things that she felt in reaction to you as a person, as a male being? That terrified her into saying no.”
The Doctor's jaw dropped and he stared at his daughter in shock. She couldn't be saying what it sounded like, could she?! A glance Donna's way froze him solid, seeing the growing blush - which stopped all thought processes in his thick brain.
She smiled sadly at him. “She sees herself as so far beneath you that she absolutely had to keep her feelings hidden. The suddenness of it all was another factor driving her to hide. But once she was in Egypt, she knew that she should've soldiered through and gone with you. She knew that you needed someone to stop you, and that you needed a friend who cared enough and respected you as a person enough to be honest about what they thought you were doing. So she looked for you, not daring to hope for anything more than to be that friend.”
It was Jackie's turn to glare harshly at Rose to keep her silent and still. She watched her daughter's disbelieving face, and once again felt a wave of dismay as she realized how far short she'd come in parenting the girl who had been her only link to Pete for twenty years.
The other Children of Time listened and watched in amazement. Donna was rising in their esteem by the moment, showing herself as capable of personal sacrifice as any of them for the Doctor's sake. But hers seemed to run deeper.
The Duplicate Donna continued her tale. “Just like you use smiles and a multitude of words to hide behind, she uses her bolshy side. It allowed her to hide the disappointment she wouldn't let herself acknowledge she felt when you talked about Martha and how you messed that up.” A quiet snort from the peanut gallery reminded the room that it wasn't forgotten - even if the young physician had moved on. “She told herself it didn't matter; she was getting to be someone important, and would get to see more of the wonders that you opened her eyes to. That there were horrors to go with them didn't surprise her, but your reactions to them sometimes did. She gives you credit for being a better person than you think you are, and encourages you to challenge your own thinking because it's good for you. And you have tried to live up to her thinking, haven't you? That you listen has earned more of her respect - and made those other feelings stronger.”
Donna's face wasn't trying to match her hair - it was trying to turn an even deeper shade. She'd lost her voice over hearing her most secret feelings aired in front of not just the Doctor, but in front of his companions. Especially the one who she was sure would toss her back to Chiswick because she wanted the Doctor to herself. If she could get past the twins and the TARDIS.
The Doctor's eyes drifted back to Donna's face. Her blushing that much meant that something intensely personal had been exposed. He swallowed dryly at the implications.
“Mum wishes you were more careful with your life,” their daughter added. “You have no idea how terrified she was when she thought you were going to die from that poison. She came up with that shock because she was sure that it was the last thing you would've wanted, let alone expected from her given all she'd said. You don't know how much it hurt to have been forced to forget you when she was trapped in that computer, or feeling like a fifth wheel... before then.” She cleared her throat, not wanting to go there and positive that her family agreed. “She knows she sticks her foot in it sometimes, and wishes she didn't when you really need a comforting word. She doesn't feel confident that she'll be able to tell when you need a simple 'I'm so sorry' as opposed to a reminder that you have someone who will listen. She wants you to be happy, and would gladly die for you or step aside for another if it would make a difference.”
The Doctor hissed, paling completely over the thought of losing Donna. He'd been faced with the threat more times than he'd cared to admit to. Even the chance of losing her to those Roboforms the day they met had left his heart feeling wrung out - and he hadn't understood it then.
In the Library, he finally did. Proof he had the worst timing. Ever.
“So there she stands, Dad,” the Duplicate Donna resumed, knowing she had to drag him out of his thoughts again, “filled with the stubbornness to carry on no matter what her detractors say, but filled with the belief that no one other than her grandfather thinks she's worthy of anything good. Between her mother, the boyfriends who turned out to be no-good, the so-called friends who bring each other down, and a society that not only doesn't like gingers but also has made her convinced she's overweight, her resilience is something to marvel at. She's found a calling - something she's been seeking all her life - in traveling with you, and she wasn't about to let it slip through her fingers because of what she thinks are unrequited feelings on her part.”
Donna covered her face. She couldn't bear to see the reactions of the others. Martha might understand, but the Doctor? Never mind the jealous bint being held back by her own mother and Jack. Spaceman surely couldn't want her, no matter what her son just said! At least Jackie was kind enough to cover her daughter's mouth.
“And that feeling of not being worthy is so strong she doesn't believe - even after all my brother just said - you could love her.”
The Doctor's face fell again and his eyes fixed on Donna's face. His chest felt like his hearts were trying to decide whether to sink into his stomach or lurch into his throat. The fluttering he sensed was something entirely new to him.
The twins exchanged a satisfied look. The Duplicate Doctor tried to guide his mother toward his father, but she was digging her heals in, refusing to move. So the Duplicate Donna sighed and walked behind her father. “There's one thing you can say that'll start you both on a healing path. The question is, are you willing to finish what the Meta-Crisis started in your minds?” With that, she shoved him hard toward Donna.
Chapter 4: The Oncoming Husband, Part 1
Rating: T
Author:
tkel_paris
Summary: Not even Caan could see every possibility. The Hand was far more aware than anyone gave it credit for, and it transformed itself into something different. Now Donna Noble and the Doctor have their work cut out for them.
Dedication:
tardis_mole. This was provoked by “Another Fine Mess.” You'll have to read it all the way through to have any clue why. And yes, I beta read that story, so in a tiny way I'm tooting my own horn in addition to TM's. ;D And thank you, my friend, for the chapter titles! :D
Disclaimer: Rose Tyler wouldn't have been anywhere near Series 4, and therefore this probably couldn't have happened, had I anything to do with owning these characters. I've lost all respect for the character, I freely admit it. Which means I've lost some respect for her creator. Shame, since he also created characters that I adore.
Author's Note: A new entry for the Alternate Handy Fanfiction Challenge. Nope, we haven't mined this one to death. Not at all! :D And there are still other possibilities! :D
And now here comes the fun part: the implications of the twins knowing everything in their parents' heads. ;D
And yes, I'm still figuring out how to include pictures to show just how young I see the twins as looking. Will do that when I can.
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2
Chapter Three: Twin Speaks
As the hugging was dying off, with Rose still staying close to the Doctor's side, the twins decided it was time to go on the offensive. A quick mental glance to see who wanted to start, and Duplicate Donna began. “So, Dad,” she called out sharply, drawing all conversation and cheering to a halt, “when were you going to tell Mum what you're planning for us? That you're going to exile at least my brother for genocide even though it was a necessary evil?”
Donna stopped the Doctor from replying. “Wait! Exile?! You mean to Chiswick, right?!” She fixed her eyes on the daft Martian.
The Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He'd seen that intensity in her face before, and no good had come his way from talking any time before when she was in such a state.
The Duplicate Doctor laughed harshly. “Oh, please! That'd be better than what he's thinking of! He's thinking of bloody Pete's World!”
His mother gasped in horror. “Doctor!” She marched right in front of him. “Tell me they're imagining things!”
The Doctor swallowed, once again reminded of how hard Donna could slap. “He committed genocide with her help-”
Donna rushed right in front of him. “And so did you! Remember the Empress of the Racnoss?! Her children that you drowned by draining the Thames?! What other choice did you have then?! You said yourself that the controls were going out! How much longer would we have had before we lost all ability to keep those bloody pepper pots from moving and being able to shoot us?! Tell me! And tell me what the Shadow Proclamation would've done differently? The Daleks were ripping planets out of time and space, trying to destroy all of Creation! Would that have carried the death penalty?”
The Doctor found himself feeling like he was in a tiny prison, the walls closing in around him. “Well,” he spoke in a tiny voice, “for Davros at least, yes.”
Jack cut in. “But would they have had enough time to come in? Could they have rounded all of those Daleks up? How many more lives would've been lost if those twins of yours hadn't done what they did?”
The Doctor found no answer. His ship grumbled at him in warning, starting a lecture that would've put a Jewish mother-induced guilt trip to shame.
Sarah Jane stepped forward, vaguely noting the tone of the TARDIS background humming had taken a rather dark tone. “We're not saying that it's good. I saw that the Daleks were once something else, but once any beings have killed that many people, present that much of a danger, how many chances can you afford to give them? How many do you think my planet, especially in its current state, can give?”
The Doctor cleared his throat. He tried to find the answer that would explain his feelings, but his ship hadn't let up in her sharp admonishments.
Duplicate Donna sighed. “This reminded you too much of the Time War, didn't it?”
Her father cringed.
Duplicate Doctor nodded grimly. “And there's all those things that Davros and Caan made you face. You're feeling guilty, but you can't punish yourself because there are things you know you still have to do.”
“And,” his sister added, “therefore you can't endure the punishment you feel you deserve. So we're convenient scapegoats.”
“Never mind,” Duplicate Doctor continued, tone turning as chilly as his mother's in anger, “that Rose committed genocide against the Daleks after ripping the TARDIS open without the Old Girl's permission. She got to keep traveling with you and you're thinking of exiling me?!”
The Doctor's face turned so pale his freckles looked like they were about to turn black. He felt reprimanded enough by his daughter's words. His son's took things twenty levels higher. So when he saw the flash of incandescent anger in Donna's eyes, he just waited for the inevitable. He knew he deserved it for even thinking what he had.
Donna saw fury, brighter than any red giant star. Her hand flew to the Doctor's cheek, ringing louder than an alarm and moving him more than her second slap had the day they met. She knew he saw it coming, but he didn't even try to duck. It was instinctive for her, but she wasn't going to go beyond that. Once would make her point.
Rose cried out in dismay, rushing to the Doctor's side. “Stop it! He doesn't deserve that!” Although, she thought, if Donna was slapping him, that meant she was angry with him, and might readily leave and take those clones she called the Doctor's children with her. Although sending them off to the parallel world didn't seem like a bad idea - they and their delusions would be away from the Doctor. Maybe he could send Donna with them. That sweet grandfather of hers might be hurt, but her mother surely wouldn't miss her.
And what, she faintly wondered, was that male clone talking about? How did one ask the TARDIS for permission? A sentient machine wasn't the same as a sentient person.
Donna glared at her, stopping her short. “He thought he did,” she all but growled, “and I agree.” She turned her version of the Oncoming Storm on the Doctor. “How dare you, Doctor?! Look at them! They're kids! They know what they've done, and aren't proud of it. Just like you! But they're your kids, Doctor! They're the only link you have left to your people, and you'd just send them away?!”
The Doctor swallowed. She was right. It felt wonderful to have someone filling those empty spaces in his mind. His resolve wavered.
Searching for anything to make sure he changed his mind, she stumbled onto a painful memory, and allowed it a voice. “And may I remind you about the Library!”
He blanched. Oh, no...
Donna's eyes filled with tears. “You,” she loudly whispered, “haven't even thought that this would deny me what might be my only chance to be a mother!”
He sank in his shoes. No, hadn't thought of that. So, no, he couldn't. He couldn't take away people she loved. Especially not her children. Which the Duplicates clearly were.
The room was silent, trying to follow what was happening. There was an adventure that none of them knew about, and most were smart enough to not ask. Rose didn't care to ask - it didn't matter to her what the clones were to Donna. Being accidents, they could hardly mean anything to the Doctor, after all.
Pulling herself together as she saw his pain, Donna took a deep breath. “Feel any better, Spaceman? Had enough punishment?”
The Doctor looked into his soul as far as he dared under the circumstances. Nothing had changed, which drove his mood even further down. Or was that from the need to step away from Rose's touch?
The twins sighed and shook their heads. “Nothing?” they asked. “Not a bit?”
Rose shook her head, puzzled as she followed the Doctor's steps. “But what has he done that he needs to regret? What do they have to do with anything now that the universe is safe?”
The Doctor's expression became pained as he looked at her in disbelief. It brought back awful memories, and made him wonder if he'd misjudged Rose's good qualities. Did she really see him as a perfect man, despite the evidence that he was an alien with some decidedly non-human traits? Especially when she seemed to want him to live as a human? And just dismissing his children's existence?!
She wasn't fit to watch over herself, he realized, let alone two half-Time Lords. His efforts to improve her thinking had been for naught. Ten years in Pete's World, and she hadn't let go. His hearts felt instantly heavy, feeling his failure to encourage her toward true good.
Donna gaped at her, not believing that the companion he'd acted so lost without was such an idiot. Was she deaf or something?! She glanced at him, relieved to see that he was horrified with himself.
The twins glared at Rose. The only good thing out of her comments, they thought at each other, was that their father had clearly abandoned his plans.
Rose blinked over the Doctor's unhappy expression. “What's wrong?” What reason did he have to be so unhappy now? Earth was restored, and she was back! What else could there be to do?
Donna shook her head. How oblivious to other's feelings - especially those of the person you claimed to love - could someone be?! “I saw him commit genocide to save Earth the day I met him. An old enemy - a menace, I think he called the Racnoss - who would've killed everything on Earth. He had to destroy a ship and its a fleet of little ones to protect Earth, nearly getting himself killed in the process. He's shown biased thinking that I've had to slap him out of - physically or verbally or even both. He's basically a bloke in alien form. No one is perfect, and he really needs someone to keep him from getting too big for his boots, to keep him from sinking into reckless patterns. Surely you saw some of that!” At least, Donna thought, I hope you did.
Rose frowned. “Well, deaths happen. But he's the Doctor. The most important man in the universe. He deserves to be treated with respect.”
The Doctor took a step away from Rose, horrified that she thought he didn't make mistakes. Hadn't she called him on some as Nine?!
“Oi! Listen here, you daft bint!” Duplicate Donna cried, stomping over and driving Rose several steps back from unease. “My mother has seen him at his worst and best, and so you should have too. Yet you don't know how bad it is to treat someone like they can't do anything wrong?!! To flatter their ego like some idol?!”
That her accent sounded more like the one that people heard from this Doctor was still a bit of a surprise to everyone's ears. But the fire seemed entirely Donna's, and it frightened Rose enough to drive her to her mother's side.
Time's getting short, sister, the Duplicate Doctor cautioned. We have to try something deeper on Mum and Dad.
Yes, we do. They were safe from exile, thanks to Rose's comments and their mother's outburst. Now to make the Doctor and Donna face a different music. “Besides, there are a lot of things my parents don't yet know.”
The Doctor blinked. He had to get his companions - especially Rose and Jackie - home, but his curiosity was engaged. “Like what?”
The Duplicate Doctor walked next to Donna, standing between his parents. He grinned, happy to have the chance to be the one explaining basics of a situation. “One thing about Time Lords: they can recognize a fixed event - something that must always happen - immediately, but when they have no idea what the must moments that made the fixed event possible and stable were, they can say really stupid things to the people around them.”
“Like what?” Donna beat the others to the question, but she was wondering what point her bonkers son intended to make.
He grinned wryly at his father. “Oh, like telling someone who's very special that there's nothing special about them and be a total prat.”
Donna's eyes flickered to the Doctor's with a glare. Oh, was that what those words on that rooftop were about?!
The Doctor blushed and stared at his shoes. Oh, did he wish those words unsaid!
The Children of Time wondered what had happened, but no one had the chance to ask anything. The Duplicate Doctor was too quick to continue. “Also, they can make someone who has to be there for must moments and a few fixed points think that they're more important than they are, but that's not for here.” He glanced at Rose, and saw that she hadn't connected the dots.
Big surprise, his sister groaned silently, glaring again at Rose when she opened her mouth. But she could tell the others were putting things together.
Shaking his head, he faced his mother as he continued. “More to the point, my father is absolutely rubbish with expressing his feelings - as you know well, Mum. The Time Lords really were a repressed people, and that's skewed my father's thinking in many ways. You've seen proof many times over, Mum. What you don't know is that it's made him say things to you when he really meant the exact opposite.”
Donna blinked, trying to put all these random pieced together. “Like what?”
The Doctor worried about what his son intended to say. There were a lot of things. He could list them all. He opened his mouth to speak, but found his daughter's hand in his way. She smirked at him, shaking her head.
“Oh, Mum... Remember 'I mean the Detox'?”
The Children of Time had no clue what that meant, but Jack was instantly very intrigued and determined to know the story. Mickey watched the Doctor's utterly embarrassed reaction and suddenly had a new respect and empathy for the alien. Martha's eyebrows raised, suddenly wondering about some of the Doctor's reactions during the Sontaran crisis. Sarah Jane, on the other hand, had definitely connected the dots and wanted to know what would happen next.
Donna's jaw dropped and her eyes fixed on the utterly embarrassed Spaceman, who rubbed his hair and neck in succession to handle the rush of nervous energy. Rose didn't like seeing him so uncomfortable over something he'd done. Unless it was a mistake that he was ashamed of. Yes, she silently breathed, that must be it.
Their son was amused by his parents' reactions. “Mum, think about it. If his feelings had been what you think they are or were, then would he have been laughing and smiling with you so soon after all that had happened to him on the day you both met? No, his grief was over the lives lost in that fixed event known as the Battle of Canary Wharf. You were able to draw him out of his dark thoughts. You saved his life, which saved the universe, and enabled us to be alive.”
Rose shook her head. Well, of course the Doctor was upset over the lives lost. She knew that. But she was sure his real hurt was over losing her, not what this clone was saying! She opened her mouth and got an icy look from the female clone that froze her in place.
All the talk about her needing to save him from his thoughts was something Donna had known for a while. But the part about him laughing and smiling? “But he's always hiding his feelings behind a smile and a long string of words.”
“Not like that.” He tapped his temple. “If it's in his head, it's in mine. So I know what he was really thinking and feeling at the time - and ever since - about you. And the truth isn't what you think it is, Mum.”
Donna noticed how deep the blush on the Doctor's face turned, his eyes were wider than dinner plates. Her mouth turned into a huge circle, not sure it was a good thing or a bad thing that she would hear his real thoughts.
In the back of her head, she wondered why Rose was so silent. After all, wasn't this threatening her views about the Doctor? A brief glance answered that question.
Jackie, sensing that something would happen that her daughter wouldn't like, clamped a hand over Rose's mouth at the Duplicate Doctor's words and hoped her glare would be enough to persuade the ungrateful girl her daughter had turned into that it was wise to remain quiet. And she was glad that the handsome captain - oh, she was a bit sorry she had reformed and was married again since he seemed like he would've been fun to flirt with - was standing nearby and helped hold Rose back.
“And not because he thinks any of those things you think about yourself,” their son stressed. “He looks at you with awe, Mum. He wishes he had even a fraction of your compassion, your ability to see those little things that have solved so many of the problems you two have faced. You don't know how much he wishes he'd yelled at your mother and all those at the reception for starting without you - especially when you'd vanished in a way that no human could've managed. How he wishes he could've punished Lance himself, giving him a fate worse than death for making you doubt yourself and cry because you felt no one would listen to you.”
Rose, squirming against the hands restraining her, figured that was more of a sign of what kind of a person Donna was. How could a person be special if the people around them would do that to them?
Donna wished that he wouldn't speak of that moment. But she also noticed the look in the Doctor's eyes, which told her their son was telling the truth, and that grabbed her attention. She'd been mortified when he'd been present for Lance berating her for preferring going for a packet of a new Pringles flavour than sex. She hadn't wanted to admit to Lance - let alone a strange alien - that there were things she wouldn't do without marriage, not after the lying she'd done to fit in with the friends she'd kept.
Their son's smile turned soft, burdened with the sad memories he now had to speak of. He touched his mother's shoulders with every bit of affection he could. “If you only knew how it cuts Dad to his hearts to see you cry, especially when he's unintentionally caused it. How panicked he got when he thought that you wanted to go home, leaving him behind. How he wouldn't hesitate to tear things apart to get to you each time you've been taken from his sight. How his hearts lighten when you smile and laugh - to a greater degree than anyone else ever managed.”
Rose tried to pull away from the grips of her mother and Jack, but the Duplicate Donna's eyes flickered her way again, stopping her short. The fire she saw drained all ability to speak or fight. It was the most terrifying look she'd ever seen. She suddenly had a flicker of comprehension about why the Doctor was known as the Oncoming Storm, even if the look seemed like something that would come from the last Doctor's eyes.
But, still, that clone who wore her Doctor's face was wrong. No chance the Doctor felt any of that!
Neither Donna nor the Doctor saw Rose's reaction. Nor anyone else's. Donna could only see his blushing and intense look, he could only see her shock and disbelief.
The Duplicate Doctor kept his eyes on his mother. His sister told him to get to the point, before Rose recovered her ability to speak. “Yes, Mum. You've been a breath of fresh air that's made him happier than he's ever been. You've helped him start to let go of a lot of his past, and reminded him that he can sit with the quiet and not be consumed by his regrets. He never felt able to sit so before you. You have made him feel alive again, find hope in his soul. As hard as it is to live with what he's done, you make him feel that he could one day forgive himself. He had no idea he needed to have the rug pulled out from under his feet because he does fail to see important options - and things about reality. He needs it now. He doesn't want a companion who flatters his ego.” His tone made it clear that at least one such was in the room. He also knew that the one who was the worst offender wouldn't see their folly in it. “After all, he can blow his own trumpet.”
Pausing as he realized what an unintentional innuendo he made, he turned to glare at the person whose thoughts made that discovery possible. His sister joined in shouting, “Don't, Jack!”
The Boe-Kind tried to look innocent. The other companions closed their eyes and groaned. Rose would've been more uneasy had she not remembered Jack wouldn't hug Donna.
Sighing, the Duplicate Doctor turned back to his mother and continued. “You've never flattered him. You never speak anything but what you see as the truth to him, even if it might hurt him. The only time you censor your words is when he's really hurting and you want to help him with the truth. You laugh at him, make him laugh at himself, but you've never mocked him when he has some genuine complaint. Some have.” His tone again hinted strongly at who had done it. “But you, Donna Noble, have proved to be the most important companion. The Most Important Woman in the Whole of Creation, for making it possible to stop its destruction, but certainly in the Doctor's universe. Can you see that in his eyes?”
She could. Her heart suddenly told her one thing, but her head - filed with all the doubts of her lifetime - told her she had to be imagining things because of the near-death of Creation. Her son, too.
The Doctor's eyes were fixed on Donna's disbelieving ones. Wait, I'm not a good emotional liar. How can she doubt it when my feelings have been exposed?
The Duplicate Donna took up the battle, with her eyes fixed on her father. “You see that she's having trouble believing what's in your eyes. She - like you - spent her childhood being forced into a role that she didn't want, knew in her soul wasn't for her. She was berated all her life by one who is very like her, because she was seen as a failure for not finding a career and a husband. She doesn't believe in fate and destiny, and yet she spent her life seeking it. She wanted badly to feel needed, to feel magnificent. Only when you came along, showing her a bit of the universe and saving her from danger, did she ever feel that way. She wanted so badly to accept your request to go with you.”
The Doctor blinked rapidly, not quite believing his ears. “But I scared her, so she said no.”
His daughter shook her head. “That wasn't the real reason. Yes, the whole thing of being shown that aliens existed and her fiancée was planning to feed her to a giant spider would've overwhelmed anyone - but she could've moved past that. She managed it over the Adipose mess and the Ood Planet, didn't she? No, that wasn't it.”
Donna's eyes widened and she moved her hands frantically. Her son waved his hands to try to keep her quiet. Hurry up, he shouted at his sister.
Neither had to worry. Donna's throat wouldn't let her make a sound.
“In the space of several hours, she'd had her heart broken, yes, and seemingly lost everything. But she gained the knowledge that she could make a difference. More importantly, she experienced something so suddenly, so powerfully that it took her breath away and left her frightened of herself. Because she felt like her heart was healing already because of you. You gave her proof that she would be fine, that she was worth something despite what Lance said about her. You saw her at her worst, her lowest, and you still saw someone worth boosting the spirits of. You even made her like Christmas for the first time in her adult life. But those things that she felt in reaction to you as a person, as a male being? That terrified her into saying no.”
The Doctor's jaw dropped and he stared at his daughter in shock. She couldn't be saying what it sounded like, could she?! A glance Donna's way froze him solid, seeing the growing blush - which stopped all thought processes in his thick brain.
She smiled sadly at him. “She sees herself as so far beneath you that she absolutely had to keep her feelings hidden. The suddenness of it all was another factor driving her to hide. But once she was in Egypt, she knew that she should've soldiered through and gone with you. She knew that you needed someone to stop you, and that you needed a friend who cared enough and respected you as a person enough to be honest about what they thought you were doing. So she looked for you, not daring to hope for anything more than to be that friend.”
It was Jackie's turn to glare harshly at Rose to keep her silent and still. She watched her daughter's disbelieving face, and once again felt a wave of dismay as she realized how far short she'd come in parenting the girl who had been her only link to Pete for twenty years.
The other Children of Time listened and watched in amazement. Donna was rising in their esteem by the moment, showing herself as capable of personal sacrifice as any of them for the Doctor's sake. But hers seemed to run deeper.
The Duplicate Donna continued her tale. “Just like you use smiles and a multitude of words to hide behind, she uses her bolshy side. It allowed her to hide the disappointment she wouldn't let herself acknowledge she felt when you talked about Martha and how you messed that up.” A quiet snort from the peanut gallery reminded the room that it wasn't forgotten - even if the young physician had moved on. “She told herself it didn't matter; she was getting to be someone important, and would get to see more of the wonders that you opened her eyes to. That there were horrors to go with them didn't surprise her, but your reactions to them sometimes did. She gives you credit for being a better person than you think you are, and encourages you to challenge your own thinking because it's good for you. And you have tried to live up to her thinking, haven't you? That you listen has earned more of her respect - and made those other feelings stronger.”
Donna's face wasn't trying to match her hair - it was trying to turn an even deeper shade. She'd lost her voice over hearing her most secret feelings aired in front of not just the Doctor, but in front of his companions. Especially the one who she was sure would toss her back to Chiswick because she wanted the Doctor to herself. If she could get past the twins and the TARDIS.
The Doctor's eyes drifted back to Donna's face. Her blushing that much meant that something intensely personal had been exposed. He swallowed dryly at the implications.
“Mum wishes you were more careful with your life,” their daughter added. “You have no idea how terrified she was when she thought you were going to die from that poison. She came up with that shock because she was sure that it was the last thing you would've wanted, let alone expected from her given all she'd said. You don't know how much it hurt to have been forced to forget you when she was trapped in that computer, or feeling like a fifth wheel... before then.” She cleared her throat, not wanting to go there and positive that her family agreed. “She knows she sticks her foot in it sometimes, and wishes she didn't when you really need a comforting word. She doesn't feel confident that she'll be able to tell when you need a simple 'I'm so sorry' as opposed to a reminder that you have someone who will listen. She wants you to be happy, and would gladly die for you or step aside for another if it would make a difference.”
The Doctor hissed, paling completely over the thought of losing Donna. He'd been faced with the threat more times than he'd cared to admit to. Even the chance of losing her to those Roboforms the day they met had left his heart feeling wrung out - and he hadn't understood it then.
In the Library, he finally did. Proof he had the worst timing. Ever.
“So there she stands, Dad,” the Duplicate Donna resumed, knowing she had to drag him out of his thoughts again, “filled with the stubbornness to carry on no matter what her detractors say, but filled with the belief that no one other than her grandfather thinks she's worthy of anything good. Between her mother, the boyfriends who turned out to be no-good, the so-called friends who bring each other down, and a society that not only doesn't like gingers but also has made her convinced she's overweight, her resilience is something to marvel at. She's found a calling - something she's been seeking all her life - in traveling with you, and she wasn't about to let it slip through her fingers because of what she thinks are unrequited feelings on her part.”
Donna covered her face. She couldn't bear to see the reactions of the others. Martha might understand, but the Doctor? Never mind the jealous bint being held back by her own mother and Jack. Spaceman surely couldn't want her, no matter what her son just said! At least Jackie was kind enough to cover her daughter's mouth.
“And that feeling of not being worthy is so strong she doesn't believe - even after all my brother just said - you could love her.”
The Doctor's face fell again and his eyes fixed on Donna's face. His chest felt like his hearts were trying to decide whether to sink into his stomach or lurch into his throat. The fluttering he sensed was something entirely new to him.
The twins exchanged a satisfied look. The Duplicate Doctor tried to guide his mother toward his father, but she was digging her heals in, refusing to move. So the Duplicate Donna sighed and walked behind her father. “There's one thing you can say that'll start you both on a healing path. The question is, are you willing to finish what the Meta-Crisis started in your minds?” With that, she shoved him hard toward Donna.
Chapter 4: The Oncoming Husband, Part 1