NEW FIC: You Thought Wrong (1/5)
Title: YOU THOUGHT WRONG
Rating: T for angst, a character death, and serious Doctor-whump.
Summary: The TARDIS mysteriously dumps 11, Amy, and Rory near Chiswick. Worried about running into Donna, 11 instead runs into someone he thought he'd never see again... and who's furious with him.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, would I have ever felt compelled to write this? Yeah, I didn't think so, either.
Author's Note: Almost all songs referenced are sung by Kelly Clarkson, although there might be one additional one by someone else. Each one seemed appropriate given the tone and topic of each chapter. Title is from another Kelly Clarkson song, although the lyrics weren't right for this story.
Might want tissues while reading this...
This revived fic is dedicated to tardis-mole, with extra Eleven-whumpage as an homage. If you love Eleven, blame this fic on her. My frustration is with RTD and the other writers responsible for the situation that I'm sort-of fixing here, but I'm afraid Eleven has to take the punishment for it. Apologies to Matt Smith, but I have far too much affection for the characters that David Tennant and Catherine Tate played to perfection.
PART 1: LOW
“What's wrong with her?!” Amy's scream bounced off the walls as the TARDIS seemed to be trying to shake them all like rag dolls. None of the journeys had ever been this violent.
The Doctor would have answered, but he was trying to use the Sonic to regain control of his ship. Of course, the Old Girl was having none of that; she created more turbulence inside the walls every time he even reached for the Screwdriver.
Rory, barely hanging on to one of the rails, blurted, “Whatever she's up to, it can't be pleasant.”
“Certainly not for me,” the Doctor managed, remembering the last time his ship had taken control like this. He'd gained and then lost a child.
What now? What task did his ship think he had to do that he wasn't going to like in the slightest?
Finally, the ship slammed the landing, shaking her occupants from whatever they were holding on to. The Doctor finally understood what humans meant when they said they saw stars after an injury; how else could one describe the fuzzy vision?
“Ugh!” Amy pulled herself upright, noting that - for all the bumps - everything looked in place. “Where are we?”
The Doctor got up quickly, and checked the readings. And gasped. “No! We can't be here!” Then he acted like someone had just yelled at him, saying something completely unexpected.
Amy swallowed. This couldn't be good, if he looked terrified. “What is it?”
“We...” He ran a hand through his hair absently, something he hadn't done in a while. “We're in Chiswick... A place I've been avoiding.”
Rory, now upright himself and checking on Amy, raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
He didn't want to explain one of the most painful moments in his life. “And now my ship says she won't move until events have played themselves out. That there's someone I need to help so those events can happen.” To keep from talking about it, he sighed and made for the door. “Guess we'd better get this over with...”
His companions had to rush to keep up. They emerged to an overcast sky, and rather cool air. He breathed a rush of relief at the sights. “Good. We're not right nearby. That should prevent any accidental meetings...”
Amy rolled her eyes. Sometimes her raggedy Doctor wouldn't bother to explain himself. It was so annoying.
Rory, sensing that his wife was about to give their friend a piece of her mind, looked around. Within seconds, he noticed a crumpled figure on the ground a distance away. “I'm going to need help,” he said, rushing off to give first aid.
The Doctor and Amy froze for a moment, and then heard Rory call out that the person's pulse was weak, and breathing ragged. Unable to not help, the Doctor suggesting bringing them to the TARDIS for a quick check in the med bay. So he rushed over to help with the carrying, and arrived as Rory turned the blue-suited person onto their back...
And the Doctor froze solid as he saw the face. It can't be, he thought, it just can't be! But every instinct told him it was his double - who was supposed to be in that parallel universe with Rose!
He'd been given fluids and medicine, both of which he'd badly needed. The scans said his brain was deteriorating, his cells everywhere dying. The Doctor estimated he had less than a day left to live. What had happened to him...? And - and this question was vital to the fabric of time and space - how could he be here?!
The Doctor found an unusual Vortex Manipulator on his Double's left wrist. One that he couldn't get off with his fingers. He reached for the Sonic, but the TARDIS made horrible screeching noises in his head, or created other problems for him to deal with. Clearly the Old Girl had no intention of letting the Double lose what had probably allowed him to cross over. However it had worked...
Worst of all, he'd had to speak about Donna and that awful day he had to lose her. And to add insult to injury, neither Amy nor Rory agreed with his decision. She in particular berated him for disregarding someone's wish, and leaving “the most important woman in all of Creation” for last. It stung even more to hear Rory say that, “Clearly, if he's here, I'd say that it didn't work out with Rose. So all you did was just break her heart again.”
“Truer words were never spoken.” All three jumped at the voice. They watched as the man who wore the Doctor's last face slowly sat up. He'd grabbed the tea cup left nearby and swallowed the hot contents whole. “We'll see how far this gets me,” he murmured.
The Doctor had enough. He had to know, “How the hell did you cross over? The openings between here and that parallel world are sealed!”
The Double glared, his voice completely tense. “All I know is that I sensed an opening between them, and I had to take it. I'd been waiting with a Vortex Manipulator I'd tweaked, searching for an escape. I couldn't stand to be around someone who considered me a poor copy of the man she wanted. Especially when I started losing my Time sense - and that was only the beginning.”
The other three were stunned into silence. The man climbed off the bed - carefully, as if he wasn't sure of his abilities after the turn he'd had - and slowly advanced on the Doctor. On his progenitor. “Tell me, why did you leave Donna for last? She'd done so much more than any of the others put together, and you didn't focus on saving her? I could've handled getting everyone else home.”
“Well, then what about Rose? She didn't let us leave until you distracted her.”
“Because I let myself be persuaded that it was the right thing to do. That my own feelings for her were greater than they were.” His eyes flashed dangerously, and his voice became lethal. “That I could live without Donna.”
Everybody’s talking
But they don’t say a thing
They look at me with sad eyes
But I don’t want the sympathy
He continued, anger growing. “As I slowly started dying, moments after we left Bad Wolf Bay, Jackie and Pete realized that maybe I shouldn't be with them. That perhaps I needed Donna in general, because I was floundering trying to live a domestic life with just her memories to guide me.”
The “d” word stopped the Doctor in his tracks. It hit every nerve he'd ever had toward the thought, but also planted the first seeds of doubt. Hadn't his daily life with Donna turned rather that way...?
“Imagine,” he continued, poking the Doctor with a finger, in a manner rather like Donna would've, “living every day with Rose's parents looking sadly at you because they knew you weren't for her - that your progenitor was never for her, either - and knowing you're stuck with a girl who - despite all her opportunities - hadn't grown up. I couldn't stand the sympathy. Donna couldn't have, either.”
Which, the Doctor realized, meant that every time she realized she'd missed something or was trying to remember, Donna would see the looks and get horrendously frustrated. And wonder what was wrong with her. Worry about what it meant...
More seeds of doubt planted, and a grim picture was forming in his head.
“So,” drawled the Double, still forcing the Doctor back into the Console Room with each step, “I had a lot of time to think about why things weren't working on my end. Even more when Rose started voicing every difference between me and you. I told her that you don't compare boyfriends - Donna's memories didn't have to tell me that - but it was like she couldn't help it. I had to get my own place within months.”
It's cool you didn't want me
Sometimes you can't go back
But why’d you have to go and make a mess like that
“Now...” His voice took on a dark note that the Doctor didn't use unless the Oncoming Storm was brewing. And the Doctor, in light of everything else he'd been told, was getting worried. “I know why my feelings for Rose weren't strong. If anything, I felt like I owed her. Which I know came entirely from you. You were falling for Donna, which brings up one other question: Did you send me away because you had the mistaken belief that you owed Rose, that she and I were supposed to be together, or because you just couldn't stand the competition for Donna's attention?”
The Doctor's hackles raised. “Now, wait just a minute-”
“It's one thing to not want me around,” the Double snapped, sounding much more like his Ninth self than his Tenth. “But just when did you realized that she was dying? After you left us at that damned Bay? Did it even occur to you that the two halves of the Meta-Crisis needed each other to survive?”
The Doctor's respiratory bypass kicked in; the truth of that hadn't dawned on him. He was too busy being filled with... guilt... toward Rose. Oh, Rassilon, that's what it was... His hearts had put her in the past, and he wasn't expecting that. He'd known it on some level then, but the rest hadn't even occurred to him...
He scowled, in grim triumph. “You didn't. Didn't even think about the consequences or what kind of a mess you'd leave! Did it occur to you what might happen to her once you regenerated?!”
Any and Rory were getting more alarmed by the second; never had the raggedy Doctor seemed so stricken. It was like he'd never been confronted with every mistake he'd made as his last self. Amy had to try to defuse the situation. “What do you call yourself?”
He spared her a glance, and the flicker of pain that crossed his face was unmistakable. “John Noble, after both the name he tended to go by, and after Donna.” Then he looked back to the Doctor. “Another ginger? Think the universe isn't about to let you forget her?”
“I couldn't forget her if I tried!” The words came out before he could stop them.
Well I just have to say
Before I let go
The Doctor never saw the punch coming. Just like he'd never seen the first of Donna's slaps coming. Except this time, he landed on his back, with a broken nose.
“Eh, so I kept some of that Gallifreyan strength, even while dying.” John filed that away for reference. “So now you know a bit of how I've been feeling. So why did you condemn Donna to a miserable life? One I just know she begged you not to send her back to!”
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
The Doctor tried shaking himself out of the stupor, but his double packed a wallop. Then he noticed what was in the other's hands. “Wait, how can you have two Sonic Screwdrivers?”
John grinned, although it looked rather sinister given how pale he was. “One I made. You must recognize the other.”
No I don’t need your number
There’s nothing left to say
Except I never thought it'd hurt this much to be saved
The Doctor realized that the man had also nicked his own Sonic. “Oi, wait a minute!”
“You aren't going to need it for a little bit,” John informed him imperiously, again sounding more like Donna. “You're going to not even stop me from walking out and saving Donna from the fate you handed her - the woman you loved! The woman I love!”
The Doctor felt panic rising. “But she got married! She's happy!”
John just looked at him like he was supremely daft. “Or did she just settle? Because she was sick of waiting?”
I walk out of this darkness
With no sense of regret
And I go with a clear conscience
We both know that you can’t say that
Prickles of something the Doctor couldn't identify flooded his mind and hearts. Still, he had to try to defend himself, even as his conscience was feeling weighed down. “You could ruin what she's built-”
“Well, I say she should have all of the facts. I don't care if I die, but I will see to it that she isn't in danger from not knowing enough to properly defend herself. That she isn't going to die from this. Which is more than you did with that defense mechanism that TARDIS just explained to me. Oh, yes,” he added as the trio looked startled, “the Old Girl filled me in on a lot while I was resting. More than enough to know that she's been hurting since you dumped Donna back on Earth. What you should be worried about is how Donna will react the next time she sees you, and believe me: she will.”
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
John started exiting, and the Doctor had to throw out one comment. “And you've seen how this'll work? Winging it was how I lost her!”
The response was a pause once he opened the doors, and a harsh glare over the shoulder. “Who made you Time Lord Victorious?'
It silenced the Doctor completely. It was a time he hated to think about, a time when he was at his absolute worst. When he most exhibited the very traits of his people that he preferred to not think about...
“The Old Girl told me about that, too,” John said, rather quietly - but it didn't detract from the deadly tone. If anything, it heightened it. “Would you have done it if Donna had been there?”
The continued silence was all the answer he needed, so he just nodded to the others. “Sorry we can't chat, but I've got my best friend to save. Because she was always that, no matter what he did.” And he closed the doors behind him, hurrying as fast as he could.
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
The Doctor was painfully aware of every second it took his body to heal, of being unable to move from the floor without Any and Rory's help to the Jump Seat. No mistake of his had ever hurt this much. Never had his evident inability to look at the “smaller” consequences of his actions proved so devastating to others... or himself.
Cuz what you did was low
He finally grasped how wrong he'd been that day. How much he'd wronged Rose, John and Donna, and how much it cost him... He could only pray that John Noble would be able to make things right; it seemed he was crap at figuring out what was best for the most amazing companion of all...
Part 2: Because of You...