FIC: Blind Date (3/5)
Title: Blind Date
Genre: Doctor Who
Rating: T
Author: tkel_paris
Summary: Caving to the pressure of his parents to find a wife, the Doctor goes on Jack Harkness' dating show. Four women have been selected, and he has to choose one to go out with for a month. Can his sanity - what there is of it - survive long enough to make the best choice?
Disclaimer: I'm going into major alternate reality terms. That should assure you I own nothing.
Dedication: cassikat, as I'm not going to be able to finish the next installment of The Noble Girl in time for your birthday. Not with Camp NaNo and a major chess tournament coming to Phoenix in August, along with my parents.
Author's Note: A random thought that amused my beta when I mentioned it. A few ideas were tossed back and forth, and this was the end result. Written during Camp NaNo July 2015. I owe my beta a lot for transforming the story from something too American to something more based on the show Blind Date from across the pond. And for making sure that the details mentioned about life in England were accurate. Also, y'all should know that tardis_mole informed me that the host for the original Blind Date show, Cilla Black, died during the writing of this story. All that's known as of the post date is that she collapsed in the heat.
Critical Note: All answers given by the guests are based on things they actually said in canon, things said about them that were not disputed, ways they acted, or things outright implied. Do not snap at me or my beta. Snap at RTD and the Moff for writing said things, and permitting them to go on air.
Chapter One / Chapter Two
Blind Date
Started July 18, 2015
Finished August 7, 2015
Chapter Three: The Details Matter, Too
Now the Doctor decided it was time to mix things up. Thanks to Gwen he had found seemingly random questions that would tell him a lot about each woman.
“What's your idea of a perfect weekend? Rose?”
Rose frowned briefly. “I dunno. Dossing about. Me and my mate, Shareen, we used to hang around down by the shops and look at boys. Nice smile, nice bum. If they have a nice round bum, that means they have good muscles for a good drive. Sex needs goods muscles.”
While many agreed with the sentiment, the expression during a first meeting made many cringe. Including Jackie because she believed there were some things you should keep to yourself on a first date.
Even Jack paled in disgust. And it was clear that the Doctor followed the same thinking as his hair deflated again. “Martha?”
Martha needed no time to think. “Not having to think about going to work, getting all of the laundry done and my mum not nagging me to keep my head in my studies. I'm studying all week. I can take a couple of hours to deal with normal stuff like shopping and housework and seeing friends. Except, my mum doesn't see it like that.”
He nodded, remembering his Academy days. “Sounds like some things are universal. River?”
She grinned. “I'm an archaeologist. I dig holes for relaxation. I'd dig them in my sleep, if I could. Though, there's less actual digging involved these days. Today it's all scans and resonance readings. 3-D imaging without actually disturbing anything. My perfect weekend would be Asgard. Never been. No one's allowed. That's one mystery I would love to crack.”
In their room, Zeus wondered aloud, “Would she still think so if she knew why it's not allowed?”
“Undoubtedly,” Hera immediately answered.
The Doctor was equally unimpressed and did not bother to hide his contempt from the cameras this time. He knew exactly why no one was allowed there. And he had no inclination to waste a regeneration to explain. “Donna?”
She sighed, reflective. “Two things come to mind, and which I'd prefer would depend on how my week went. 1. Breakfast in bed, but not before ten, and a long walk in the country with a picnic. Fish and chips. Then, in front of the telly to watch a rom-com, with a tub of Pringles and a late night cuddle on the sofa. On Sunday, much the same, but skip the rom-com, coz you can overdo them. Give me a sit-com and a bag of jelly babies. 2. Go somewhere, forget the world and my nagging mother, have someone else feed me and not have to worry about cooking anything. Sunbathing; that's always relaxing. Why, you got plans?”
The casualness of her answer, not to mention her mention of liking a long-time favorite Earth food, nearly made the Doctor forget his next question. He silently cleared his throat. “Um, not yet. Usually don't.”
“Why doesn't that surprise me?” she laughed.
He choked on a laugh, unaware of his hair sticking up even more than before.
Jack chuckled as the audience shared in the amusement, unknowing of the smiles being shared in the private viewing room. “Let's go on to the next question.”
The Doctor recovered himself. “You have an unexpected £500 windfall. What would you do with the money? Rose?”
Rose was unusually thoughtful. “I could use a new pair of jeans. Though my mate, Shareen, she gets them off the market on a Tuesday morning. She nicked us each a pair that were genuine label Levi's and they lasted us for a year before we had to get a bigger size. What would I do with 500 quid...? I could get my mum a mobile. Then she wouldn't be on the phone in the flat all the time. I could get one, too. A better one, coz mine doesn't take pictures. It's a dinosaur.”
Her words made it sound like she cared little for the rights and feelings of others, much less the law. The Doctor gave Jack a pointed look and mouthed, “How old is she?”
Jack could not answer, but grimaced back. The point was well taken.
“Martha?” the Doctor said, not hiding how ready he was to change direction.
Martha's answer was prompt. “That would pay off my overdraft. For a month, anyway. With a bit left over for a meal deal from Greggs. I love their subs.”
That said a lot about her situation and determination. Becoming a physician was not cheap, as he had noticed. He still did not like having to deal with money, but he could respect practicality where resources were concerned. “River?”
River laughed. “Five hundred? That won't get you far. It could get you a loaf of bread on Mygis 5. What do I need money for, anyway? I can always break in somewhere and get want I wanted, and leave before anyone saw me.”
The reaction was immediate. Ranging from dismay to shocked awe, it was clear that the brazenness was not going over very well with the audience.
The Doctor had to retort that one. “So you're a thief and don't regret it?”
That made her pause. “Well, I've had to be. Because-”
“But you talk like you have the choice not to be and didn't care. The way you're talking, I think you think that breaking into a bank is a faceless crime. It isn't. Those losses must be recouped and it's the unfortunate bank customers who have to pay. Donna?”
Donna snorted at the abrupt change, glared at River for her attitude (not that the glib woman had the ability to speak then), and was ready to offer a different perspective. “I'd pay the mortgage. It would just about cover one month's instalment. That would be a chink out of the noose around my neck. Now, if it was a bit more than that, I'd be happy. I could pay all my bills.”
“Donna, do I hear air quotations there?” asked the Doctor.
“No, that was emphasis.”
“Why?”
She groaned. “Because some of the bills in question are actually my parents' bills. Children are supposed to be able to help their parents out by this point in their lives, something I'm reminded of regularly, and I would like to be able to support them a bit better than I can at present.”
“Okay, I understand now.” The Doctor paused to prepare. “Next question: which would you prefer- to do something that benefits many people, but you don't get any public acclaim or to do something that makes you famous but isn't very important? Rose?”
She scoffed. “Who cares as long as it gets done, yeah? I couldn't be bothered with any of them famous people anyway. I don't even know who my MP is.”
The Doctor sighed loudly. “How do you expect to make things change if you don't know who to go to? Martha?”
Martha noticed his exasperation and hoped her answer would be a relief to hear. “Medicine is all about making a difference. I didn't go into medicine for the acclaim. I just wanted to give something back for surviving an illness when I was little. Do for others what those doctors did for me. It's important to be a part of a team, not to take all of the praise for myself.”
It did soften his face and make him smile. At least until he remembered who would be speaking next. With some reluctance, he spoke her name. “River?”
“I used to think getting acclaim was a good thing,” she admitted. “Then I heard of the most amazing man. He never gets the credit for anything he does and it doesn't bother him. Mind you, he has an ego that doesn't need inflating. So, if he can go without acclaim, so can I. That said, a woman loves to be noticed on occasion.”
He had a sneaking suspicion that she meant him, and for once his ego deflated at the thought. He was quite certain he could live quite comfortably without her notice. “Donna?”
“Well, the question's a no brainer,” she boldly stated. “Selflessness is, in my opinion, the best way to help the most people in the shortest amount of time. Being famous might open a few doors for a while, but it only benefits yourself. I can't stand those stuffed shirts who get up and do speeches about how brilliant they are. It's the people on the ground, actually doing the work, that interest me. The ones who don't do it for the thanks. Like Brad and Angelina. They do stuff all over the world and talk about teamwork and not themselves. That gets my attention.”
The Doctor's eyes widened slightly. He had not heard of someone who focused on the unpaid work of someone called a celebrity, rather than following the celebrity themselves. It meant that she had some depths that were yet to be focused on. He switched cards. “Next question: cats or dogs? Rose?”
She groaned her answer. “Definitely not cats. We had one, a long hair, needed to be groomed twice a day and she kept bringing in all the strays from the estate and having kittens, the dirty slut. There was one big male cat; he kept coming in, making like he lived here and spraying everywhere. So we took them both down the RSPCA. Glad to get shot of them. And we're not allowed dogs. Good job too, coz they're noisy and chew the furniture.”
While he could appreciate her lack of love for cats, he was not pleased with the expression. While the cat owners in the audience booed her, the Doctor quickly changed focus, grateful there were no cat people in the audience. “Martha?”
Martha grimaced, but her tone was gentler than her predecessor's. “Ugh, I can't be done with either. There's far too many cats and dogs just interrupt me while I'm trying to study. I don't know why people bother with dogs. They get them when they're puppies and cute and then they dump them in the back garden all alone. No offence to any alien dogs or cats, but I'd rather have Human company.”
That was an attitude the Doctor could respect. She had a reason for her dislike, and pointed out a cruel truth about a lot of Humans. Except that she preferred Humans. That could be a sticking point. He sighed quietly. “River?”
River tightened her eyebrows. “Aren't they protein packs? I prefer chicken, myself. And it still looks like the animal it came from.”
The reactions of the audience were instant and disapproving. And both Jack and the Doctor cringed visibly.
River scoffed. “Not every culture has the same animals as pets. Go to other parts of your world and you'll see what I mean,” she insisted.
In the viewing room on Gallifrey, Hera turned wide eyes on Zeus. “What a frightful Human. I do hope he does not pick her. Look at our son's hair. If this goes on much longer, the follicles will lose cohesion and leave him bald.”
“Do you need a chair, my love? I fear I will need one. Protein packs? She is giving me indigestion, and at my age that could be fatal.”
Hera huffed through her nose. “Be of cheer, my husband. I think it's just as well she doesn't know about Gallifreyan pets. Theta's Badger might put her off androids and protein packs in one go.”
The Doctor decided it was best to not interrupt. He knew of pets that would horrify even the most hardened Humans, especially those kept on Gallifrey once upon a time. Like Humans, for example. The War Games were still fresh in his mind. But while it was a painful truth about some parts of the universe, it was not exactly cricket to mention it where it was neither necessary nor true. “What about you, Donna?”
“Dogs, every time,” she answered immediately. “You can train dogs to be useful and earn their keep. They're assistance dogs for the blind and disabled, are used to detect things such as explosives and drugs, and can tell when their owners are about to have an epileptic episode. Cats just eat, sleep and dig up your flowerbed. Unless you live on a farm, and then they might keep the rodent population under control and from damaging crops.”
It made the Doctor smile, remembering the efforts he put into programming K-9.
Jack, who could see the reactions of the guests from his seat (without the Doctor seeing them), noticed that Rose and River were glaring at each other and Donna. He worried that this might be the one time when the security would be needed to prevent a murder.
Chapter Four
Genre: Doctor Who
Rating: T
Author: tkel_paris
Summary: Caving to the pressure of his parents to find a wife, the Doctor goes on Jack Harkness' dating show. Four women have been selected, and he has to choose one to go out with for a month. Can his sanity - what there is of it - survive long enough to make the best choice?
Disclaimer: I'm going into major alternate reality terms. That should assure you I own nothing.
Dedication: cassikat, as I'm not going to be able to finish the next installment of The Noble Girl in time for your birthday. Not with Camp NaNo and a major chess tournament coming to Phoenix in August, along with my parents.
Author's Note: A random thought that amused my beta when I mentioned it. A few ideas were tossed back and forth, and this was the end result. Written during Camp NaNo July 2015. I owe my beta a lot for transforming the story from something too American to something more based on the show Blind Date from across the pond. And for making sure that the details mentioned about life in England were accurate. Also, y'all should know that tardis_mole informed me that the host for the original Blind Date show, Cilla Black, died during the writing of this story. All that's known as of the post date is that she collapsed in the heat.
Critical Note: All answers given by the guests are based on things they actually said in canon, things said about them that were not disputed, ways they acted, or things outright implied. Do not snap at me or my beta. Snap at RTD and the Moff for writing said things, and permitting them to go on air.
Chapter One / Chapter Two
Blind Date
Started July 18, 2015
Finished August 7, 2015
Chapter Three: The Details Matter, Too
Now the Doctor decided it was time to mix things up. Thanks to Gwen he had found seemingly random questions that would tell him a lot about each woman.
“What's your idea of a perfect weekend? Rose?”
Rose frowned briefly. “I dunno. Dossing about. Me and my mate, Shareen, we used to hang around down by the shops and look at boys. Nice smile, nice bum. If they have a nice round bum, that means they have good muscles for a good drive. Sex needs goods muscles.”
While many agreed with the sentiment, the expression during a first meeting made many cringe. Including Jackie because she believed there were some things you should keep to yourself on a first date.
Even Jack paled in disgust. And it was clear that the Doctor followed the same thinking as his hair deflated again. “Martha?”
Martha needed no time to think. “Not having to think about going to work, getting all of the laundry done and my mum not nagging me to keep my head in my studies. I'm studying all week. I can take a couple of hours to deal with normal stuff like shopping and housework and seeing friends. Except, my mum doesn't see it like that.”
He nodded, remembering his Academy days. “Sounds like some things are universal. River?”
She grinned. “I'm an archaeologist. I dig holes for relaxation. I'd dig them in my sleep, if I could. Though, there's less actual digging involved these days. Today it's all scans and resonance readings. 3-D imaging without actually disturbing anything. My perfect weekend would be Asgard. Never been. No one's allowed. That's one mystery I would love to crack.”
In their room, Zeus wondered aloud, “Would she still think so if she knew why it's not allowed?”
“Undoubtedly,” Hera immediately answered.
The Doctor was equally unimpressed and did not bother to hide his contempt from the cameras this time. He knew exactly why no one was allowed there. And he had no inclination to waste a regeneration to explain. “Donna?”
She sighed, reflective. “Two things come to mind, and which I'd prefer would depend on how my week went. 1. Breakfast in bed, but not before ten, and a long walk in the country with a picnic. Fish and chips. Then, in front of the telly to watch a rom-com, with a tub of Pringles and a late night cuddle on the sofa. On Sunday, much the same, but skip the rom-com, coz you can overdo them. Give me a sit-com and a bag of jelly babies. 2. Go somewhere, forget the world and my nagging mother, have someone else feed me and not have to worry about cooking anything. Sunbathing; that's always relaxing. Why, you got plans?”
The casualness of her answer, not to mention her mention of liking a long-time favorite Earth food, nearly made the Doctor forget his next question. He silently cleared his throat. “Um, not yet. Usually don't.”
“Why doesn't that surprise me?” she laughed.
He choked on a laugh, unaware of his hair sticking up even more than before.
Jack chuckled as the audience shared in the amusement, unknowing of the smiles being shared in the private viewing room. “Let's go on to the next question.”
The Doctor recovered himself. “You have an unexpected £500 windfall. What would you do with the money? Rose?”
Rose was unusually thoughtful. “I could use a new pair of jeans. Though my mate, Shareen, she gets them off the market on a Tuesday morning. She nicked us each a pair that were genuine label Levi's and they lasted us for a year before we had to get a bigger size. What would I do with 500 quid...? I could get my mum a mobile. Then she wouldn't be on the phone in the flat all the time. I could get one, too. A better one, coz mine doesn't take pictures. It's a dinosaur.”
Her words made it sound like she cared little for the rights and feelings of others, much less the law. The Doctor gave Jack a pointed look and mouthed, “How old is she?”
Jack could not answer, but grimaced back. The point was well taken.
“Martha?” the Doctor said, not hiding how ready he was to change direction.
Martha's answer was prompt. “That would pay off my overdraft. For a month, anyway. With a bit left over for a meal deal from Greggs. I love their subs.”
That said a lot about her situation and determination. Becoming a physician was not cheap, as he had noticed. He still did not like having to deal with money, but he could respect practicality where resources were concerned. “River?”
River laughed. “Five hundred? That won't get you far. It could get you a loaf of bread on Mygis 5. What do I need money for, anyway? I can always break in somewhere and get want I wanted, and leave before anyone saw me.”
The reaction was immediate. Ranging from dismay to shocked awe, it was clear that the brazenness was not going over very well with the audience.
The Doctor had to retort that one. “So you're a thief and don't regret it?”
That made her pause. “Well, I've had to be. Because-”
“But you talk like you have the choice not to be and didn't care. The way you're talking, I think you think that breaking into a bank is a faceless crime. It isn't. Those losses must be recouped and it's the unfortunate bank customers who have to pay. Donna?”
Donna snorted at the abrupt change, glared at River for her attitude (not that the glib woman had the ability to speak then), and was ready to offer a different perspective. “I'd pay the mortgage. It would just about cover one month's instalment. That would be a chink out of the noose around my neck. Now, if it was a bit more than that, I'd be happy. I could pay all my bills.”
“Donna, do I hear air quotations there?” asked the Doctor.
“No, that was emphasis.”
“Why?”
She groaned. “Because some of the bills in question are actually my parents' bills. Children are supposed to be able to help their parents out by this point in their lives, something I'm reminded of regularly, and I would like to be able to support them a bit better than I can at present.”
“Okay, I understand now.” The Doctor paused to prepare. “Next question: which would you prefer- to do something that benefits many people, but you don't get any public acclaim or to do something that makes you famous but isn't very important? Rose?”
She scoffed. “Who cares as long as it gets done, yeah? I couldn't be bothered with any of them famous people anyway. I don't even know who my MP is.”
The Doctor sighed loudly. “How do you expect to make things change if you don't know who to go to? Martha?”
Martha noticed his exasperation and hoped her answer would be a relief to hear. “Medicine is all about making a difference. I didn't go into medicine for the acclaim. I just wanted to give something back for surviving an illness when I was little. Do for others what those doctors did for me. It's important to be a part of a team, not to take all of the praise for myself.”
It did soften his face and make him smile. At least until he remembered who would be speaking next. With some reluctance, he spoke her name. “River?”
“I used to think getting acclaim was a good thing,” she admitted. “Then I heard of the most amazing man. He never gets the credit for anything he does and it doesn't bother him. Mind you, he has an ego that doesn't need inflating. So, if he can go without acclaim, so can I. That said, a woman loves to be noticed on occasion.”
He had a sneaking suspicion that she meant him, and for once his ego deflated at the thought. He was quite certain he could live quite comfortably without her notice. “Donna?”
“Well, the question's a no brainer,” she boldly stated. “Selflessness is, in my opinion, the best way to help the most people in the shortest amount of time. Being famous might open a few doors for a while, but it only benefits yourself. I can't stand those stuffed shirts who get up and do speeches about how brilliant they are. It's the people on the ground, actually doing the work, that interest me. The ones who don't do it for the thanks. Like Brad and Angelina. They do stuff all over the world and talk about teamwork and not themselves. That gets my attention.”
The Doctor's eyes widened slightly. He had not heard of someone who focused on the unpaid work of someone called a celebrity, rather than following the celebrity themselves. It meant that she had some depths that were yet to be focused on. He switched cards. “Next question: cats or dogs? Rose?”
She groaned her answer. “Definitely not cats. We had one, a long hair, needed to be groomed twice a day and she kept bringing in all the strays from the estate and having kittens, the dirty slut. There was one big male cat; he kept coming in, making like he lived here and spraying everywhere. So we took them both down the RSPCA. Glad to get shot of them. And we're not allowed dogs. Good job too, coz they're noisy and chew the furniture.”
While he could appreciate her lack of love for cats, he was not pleased with the expression. While the cat owners in the audience booed her, the Doctor quickly changed focus, grateful there were no cat people in the audience. “Martha?”
Martha grimaced, but her tone was gentler than her predecessor's. “Ugh, I can't be done with either. There's far too many cats and dogs just interrupt me while I'm trying to study. I don't know why people bother with dogs. They get them when they're puppies and cute and then they dump them in the back garden all alone. No offence to any alien dogs or cats, but I'd rather have Human company.”
That was an attitude the Doctor could respect. She had a reason for her dislike, and pointed out a cruel truth about a lot of Humans. Except that she preferred Humans. That could be a sticking point. He sighed quietly. “River?”
River tightened her eyebrows. “Aren't they protein packs? I prefer chicken, myself. And it still looks like the animal it came from.”
The reactions of the audience were instant and disapproving. And both Jack and the Doctor cringed visibly.
River scoffed. “Not every culture has the same animals as pets. Go to other parts of your world and you'll see what I mean,” she insisted.
In the viewing room on Gallifrey, Hera turned wide eyes on Zeus. “What a frightful Human. I do hope he does not pick her. Look at our son's hair. If this goes on much longer, the follicles will lose cohesion and leave him bald.”
“Do you need a chair, my love? I fear I will need one. Protein packs? She is giving me indigestion, and at my age that could be fatal.”
Hera huffed through her nose. “Be of cheer, my husband. I think it's just as well she doesn't know about Gallifreyan pets. Theta's Badger might put her off androids and protein packs in one go.”
The Doctor decided it was best to not interrupt. He knew of pets that would horrify even the most hardened Humans, especially those kept on Gallifrey once upon a time. Like Humans, for example. The War Games were still fresh in his mind. But while it was a painful truth about some parts of the universe, it was not exactly cricket to mention it where it was neither necessary nor true. “What about you, Donna?”
“Dogs, every time,” she answered immediately. “You can train dogs to be useful and earn their keep. They're assistance dogs for the blind and disabled, are used to detect things such as explosives and drugs, and can tell when their owners are about to have an epileptic episode. Cats just eat, sleep and dig up your flowerbed. Unless you live on a farm, and then they might keep the rodent population under control and from damaging crops.”
It made the Doctor smile, remembering the efforts he put into programming K-9.
Jack, who could see the reactions of the guests from his seat (without the Doctor seeing them), noticed that Rose and River were glaring at each other and Donna. He worried that this might be the one time when the security would be needed to prevent a murder.
Chapter Four