The Belted Doctor, Prologue
Title: The Belted Doctor, Prologue
Author: tkel_paris , aka KendraC
Rating: High T, borderline M for (very) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.
Summary: A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?
Disclaimer: Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.
Original Posting Author's Note: I was sending bas_math_girl line prompts, and this came to me. At first, I asked her to have at it so I wouldn't be tempted, but she suggested a challenge. This grew out of it, and I find my muse is waking up after a long slumber. Maybe I'll actually finish some stories now!
Anyway, this inaugurates me into the world of Doctor Who, of which I like a particular corner... Hope this makes people laugh.
LJ Posting Author's Note: Glad to join the doctor_donna community with this fic! This is my answer to the challenge that our beloved bas_math_girl issued when I begged her to write something. Sweetie, thanks for going over this and helping me get my feet wet with the bits that I'm totally ignorant of. Namely, nearly all of Whovian history that isn't part of New Who. Enjoy!
Coming to awareness after regenerating could come at varying speeds. It all depended on how violent the “death” of his previous incarnation had been. Sometimes The Doctor caught his bearings within a minute of finishing a transformation, and could jump right into a new situation without any aftereffects from the change.
But sometimes things took longer. A lot longer.
Not that it should've surprised him; he and the TARDIS had survived the Time Lock that would destroy Gallifrey (and hopefully, the Daleks, as well) - which he wasn't expecting. Romana was right; he must have many more people and planets to save.
Bloody hell.
It wasn't until he'd landed on Earth, sometime in Common Era year 2005, that he really started to notice the changes that he'd undergone. An Earth mirror showed that he was now a tall man with... Well, he wasn't sure if they were the worst ears he'd ever had, but his voice was decent. Would convey the right authority - which was vital since he was now the highest authority in this universe.
Unless the Guardians of Time found a way of returning. He supposed it might happen, but only if things were really turning poorly again.
But the biggest change was one he couldn't believe he'd forgotten. Even with the haze of regenerating.
He had sent the TARDIS to over 5 billion years in the future since he thought - for reasons that would take up over ten pages to transcribe - would be a good place to take Rose for her first adventure. He felt a need to clean himself a little after dealing with the Nestisine Consciousness, and it would ease his pride at needing to be saved by a slip of an Earth girl. (Because, really, he should have known to keep more attention on where the nearest “possessed” mannequins were.) It had been the source of some of his words after they stopped the threat.
He conveniently forgot about all of the times that various companions had to save him from dire circumstances, but those would come back to haunt him. Especially as Rose got herself into more and more problems from simply not listening to him. The relief of having someone other than the TARDIS for company - someone who could walk - was overwhelming the Lonely God, and clouding his thoughts.
Although he would need a major ass-kicking to realize that...
But back to that particular moment... He had put Rose in a room that his ship felt she would like, and encouraged her to explore it. (He really didn't want to have to monitor her all of the time, and she was yet to earn the right to be in the Control Room by herself.) And so he made it to his special bathroom, went to relieve himself...
And came right up against the other thing that Romana had done before they were separated forever...
Once he'd woken from being knocked out, Romana had a few things to say. “It will adjust with any regenerations you undergo,” she'd said, in a rush since they were racing against the worst patch of time in either's history. “And it'll let you void yourself without a problem. The TARDIS will take care of the cleaning.”
Which was rather impressive when you thought about what it was.
“It'll also keep your urges under control.” He'd raised an eyebrow over that, but before he could ask how he wouldn't be weirdly stimulated by the constant contact, Romana explained, “Whenever your hormones are elevated, it will release a chemical into your bloodstream that will neutralize the changes.”
A true monk, then, but with something more than praying for divine aid to keep on track. Given that he was now the last Time-Lord, it was what he expected.
“You forget how easily your companions have come to love you,” she'd chided him, and The Doctor could hear those words as plainly as when she spoke them. “It can't stop you from getting attached to anyone, but it won't let you make a mistake. Well, not a serious one.”
He had looked hard at the Gallifreyan symbols on the front, and frowned. “Lovely,” he had muttered. “It's an Everlast.”
Romana had flashed a weird grin. “Well, we must prevent the potent seed of Gallifrey from being spread into the wrong places.”
“So I'll be wearing a chastity belt until my last regeneration gives out.”
“No.” Another frown, both in his memory of the talk and in that moment of remembering. “I have Seen some of your future. You will father a new race of Time-Lords. With the only woman in the universe strong enough to handle us.”
That still sounded like trouble, and his Eight self worried about that, too. “Won't there be a huge que of women of all sorts of species coming my way? This could interfere with saving planets and people!”
“Keep this, Doctor.” She'd handed him a small, rolled paper. “Enough of a riddle to keep most from realizing anything. And I suspect you won't be telling anyone.”
Not that he had to; it was well-concealed. He grudgingly acknowledged her cleverness in that. But he had one important question: “Say I do find her. How will I know?”
“I shared my vision with your TARDIS, and gave her the key. When you find the woman, the key will be bestowed upon her when the TARDIS senses that she is ready to become the mother of a new race of Time-Lords.” Then another thought hit her, and she smiled wryly. “Just try to be gentle with her when it comes off... All those suppressed urges will come back at once.”
So there he was. Filled with the potential to create more of his people, but bound within a pelvic prison. “I really wonder if there is such a woman,” he muttered as he stared at the chastity belt. “More like Romana wanted to keep me for herself in cruel way.”
Now, he didn't like thinking ill of any companions (especially one that he might as well have been in love with), but he was feeling irritated enough to wish a punching bag with a Dalek pictured on it into existence in the TARDIS' gymnasium. Which he proceeded in pounding vigorously, thinking the whole time, “Exterminate this!"
Chapter 1: An Embarrassing Moment