(no subject)
i really dont know whats been happening lately. i feel so pressured all of the sudden and i think every1 is trying to be better than me. im like threatened. and im really emotional. its like i need people to be there and even though theyre right in front of my face im still looking all over for them. i overreact to stupid things. last night i knocked my brush off my dresser and i just stood looking at it then in like 2 seconds i collapsed and started crying so hard my mom thought i was like having seazures. i hypervenelated and that just made it worse. all the fricken doctors and guidence counselers say i need to go to a therapist or a phsycologist or something but my mom never follows up on it. not like we could afford it neway. my sis just got her drivers license and now shes just in a bitchy mood all the time... ud think shed be happy right? no cuz im her bratty sis thats always in the way and needs to be killed. i dont usually talk to neone bout this shit so dont think im crazy im just lettin all my stress out here cuz my mom didnt want to spend money on a journal for me. i want to like impress every1 and shit but people just put me down all the time so y bother. im not good at like nething except taekwondo and ppl wonder y i like it so much. its so stress releaving. any time i had a bad day id go there and be laughing by the end of class (but not to loud otherwise id have to do pushups) but taekwondo hasnt been enough lately. whenever anything goes wrong or some1 makes me mad i just snap and start punching them and scratching them and stuff. one of my masters saw that so he told me i was starting sparring class which is basically when u put on gear and stuff and beat each other up. cant wait. every second of the day i wish i was there i mean i already do 2 hours of it but now im gonna be doing 2 hours and 45 min. thats so cool. it sounds stupid but i really just wish i could start everything over. no fights no stupid mistakes. and y the hell does my sis have to be on the phone all the time? the second she walkes in the door she goes "i need the phone" and if i ask y or im already on it she says its important then calls her fricken boyfriend then the second she leaves the house she uses her cell. one time we went to go out for my moms b-day the whole ride over she was on the cell. god ppl suck. neway i gtg to taekwondo so farewell and goodnight.