On life and the Fandom
Hello Everyone.
TK here with another one of my journals. I know that some of you have openly expressed how much you enjoy my opinion on certain matters and how sunny my personality can be. I cant thank all of you enough for what your words have meant to me over the last several years. To my friends and family, I love you all.
Now onto some personal news. Things for me have been going fine. My home life is stable and regular where as my personal life still takes its twists and turns I know not to call it boring because of how quickly it can change. I should just be happy with what I have, and I am. I love my life and all it has to offer, from the people I love to those that have cause me some pain. Each and every person has touched me and taught me a lesson I won't soon forget.
Over the last several months things have been going in and out in regards to my job. One moment I'm fine the next I'm being told that I should get ready to be laid off. It has been rather hurtful for me because of the fact that, though I know I can survive by moving on, I cannot help but hold back the tears. I happen to love my job and the children I work with rather deeply. Its by far the best paying and also the best work environment I have ever had. My past jobs were a horror into themselves. Especially working at a restaurant, I have a new found respect for the waiters and waitresses that have to struggle day in and day out to live off meager pay while dealing with the intense emotional and physical stress that is a demanding customer. I bow to all of your brave enough to hold onto your jobs to keep yourselves afloat in this modern day world.
My Principal and employer, took me in today as well as those I work closely with and told us that the current economic situation won't bode well for all of us. Current budget cuts and restraints have left our school system nearly depleted and struggling every single day just to pay those deserving, especially our teachers, who compared to those in the states….have it far worse. And for the ones who are “Support Staff” like me. My heart goes out to all of them, for if anyone were to be let go….we would be the first to raise our hands and say good bye. My principal had asked that if things were to come down to it, he would ask some of us, if we would be willing to give up our jobs in order to ensure that others would keep theirs. And all I could do was nod and make up my mind that I would already have told him yes. Though they say they need me, My job and my current position in life allow me the courtesy to leave and not really be a detriment to my school. Everyone else is essential and I feel it necessary to be honest with myself and know where I stand. I am young, still have many years ahead of me and many more employment opportunities ahead. Though this school means the world to me. I will not stay and force someone else to loose their job. Thankfully, I live on an island where someone like me can get by for the time being. It would just be heart breaking for me to know that a year from now…those kids would forget I was ever their.
So, though I hope and pray I still have my job by June….I will not shed my tears in front of those who I work with and step proudly away. I worked hard for them and I am a proud employee. If things turn out so that I will be unemployed….I still qualify for scholarship here. I might go back to school and see where my future goes from their. If anything it leaves me open to move out to where Tremor is and see where our lives go from their. Its one of the bright spots about loosing my job. *smiles*
So pray, hope and wish for me, and I will do the same. I want to stay…but I will leave if I have to.
My future at the moment, depends on those higher up and the justice that will be granted to me.
Now, moving onto another subject that has come to my attention. It has to deal mainly with the furry fandom. I being a part of it these last four years, I have come to realize that many things about it can be quite disturbing to some. But mind you I condemn no one, just as it is the right in the real world to live your life how you choose it, it is also that right in the Furry and Anthro world.
My concern is to how driven some of us are by our drive to fulfill our erotic fantasies. Recently, a dear and close friend of mine came to me and told me about a very sad event that recently happened to him. A long time friend of his had shown him his true colors by asking that they not talk until he was 18. Of legal age where he could peruse his sexual fantasies without any legal ramification….or as far as he knows. They had been talking for an entire year and had grown fond of him. But upon hearing those words spoken or written by his friend became horrified and was deeply disappointed at the fact that his friend had based their entire friendship on how often or when it was ok for them to have sex. Though it was online it still disheartens me to know that so many of us could fall under this category of “Sex fiend”.
I myself am not free of guilt. I cam into he fandom at the age of 21 open and free and some of my first friends were made on the fact of how well I could spin a yarn towards the sexual persuasion. I had charmed and been charmed into many undergarments my first two years online. Though I was happy to have the freedom, the realization of how much I could hurt and how I could someone else came all too soon.
The furry fandom is well know for its drama, and a rule that I have come to live by and understand all to well makes itself apparent almost every time I talk to someone new. “Don’t stick your dick in Crazy”. Being the type of artist that I am and the fact that I have already crossed my art over into the “Pornographic realm” I have been propositioned by many a new fan to “Role play Sometime” though each one flatters me to no end. I find it more prudent to simply say no and thank you for enjoying my art. If it were two years earlier I would have jumped at the chance and done what was necessary to “Get my rocks off” but after breaking the hearts of some and having had my heart broken as well. It would be a better choice and better way to avoid that Drama if I were to stay friends and not friends with benefits.
I have a Loving wolf in my life that provides the necessary comfort I need to feel like I could want for nothing as long as I am with him. I feel happy and that’s what matters right now.
As to my friend, he had written to me and told me of his feelings and how much it hurt him to know that a person he felt so much for wasn’t interested in knowing his heart but what was in between his legs. Tough some of you can attest to having based some of your more long standing friendship on the fact that you both had fun sexually that’s not the case for everyone. Especially those younger then us who join the fandom for reasons beyond finding it arousing.
Another dear friend of mine and someone with who I have developed a father son relationship with originally joined because he thought it was cool and the people seemed nice and that he could openly express himself without worry. He quickly made friends and felt like he could belong. I have watched him grow and develop into a wonderful young man and someone I am proud to call “Son”. But the darker side of things mad themselves known when he began to have problems with some of his friends. He wanted to spend time with them and hang out and just be around them, but they showed no interest and some simply faded away. Others….made their interest in him known far too well. He was being asked and prodded to “Play” with some of them and being the kind of person he was what he needed were friends and not partners. He lost and felt lost and I was left wondering how could people reduce something so wonderful and meaningful to someone, to nothing more then a “Yiff”.
Both of them now are considering leaving, one a very talented artist who’s leaving would break my heart and the other may want to break my bond because he would leave the common ground that had offered us the opportunity to meet and eventually care for each other to no end. My Son and my friend both mean the world to me and all they want is to make friends, share their lives with the people around them and be accepted for having something inside them that makes them different. But its become a hard fact that a lot of people in the fandom would rather have sex then get to know a person.
I know that to some of you I'm making a very wide generalization but for those reading…how old are you? 18, 19, 20, 25, 35, 40? Notice that not a lot of “Kids” around are their? All of you here brought in by intentions of getting to know only to have them changed to the “Urge” that you follow. I will be honest….allot of kick ass people here, but that fact can be over shadowed by how many only want their “entertainment”. Sex has become a cornerstone for some. The basis of why they stay and why their here. For others it’s the meeting of new people and making friends, and for others still….to belong and be a part of something wonderful.
Sex is a part of the fandom, a rather large part but not the only one. Lets remember that there are meaningful and wonderful parts to being a furry. Making friends, finding love, and finding the family that you’ve needed all your life. To be recognized as someone or something unique and special, to be seen as both an Individual and part of a group that understands and accepts you. And to be the person or furry you are inside.
For me, the fandom has allowed me to grow and become someone who has accepted himself for the most part. To see the world in a better light and to also know that I'm not alone in what I choose to do with my art and with my life. I am a part of something grand and immense and that makes me proud to say, “I'm a Furry”. I have found myself countless friends and discovering new people each and every day. My life is full of the love and caring of those around me and I have never felt my heart more welcome then when I am here with you all. And my family, you have all become my second family and my second home. I am who I am, and being a furry has only made me accept it even more.
So to everyone, lets look out for the younger ones. Lets not let the fandom slip into something only adults can understand. Lets make it a place where people can raise their family on it and know that we are an accepting and loving group of people who are only here to be a part of something good. If I ever have children of my own….i want to be able to bring them in and let them see you the way I see you. As people worth knowing and having as part of their lives.
I will do my part, I will watch out for those younger then I and let them know that here is not a place where only perverts and fiends dwell. I will continue to be father, brother, friend, and confidant to those I keep with me. I hope that you will do the same and help me keep this ideal as something that in of itself is not a fantasy, but a reality we can all live and grow by.
I'm planning on opening a web site where those seeking friendship and not a sexual partner can come and express themselves openly and without worry. Though that dream is far from completion I want to make it a reality someday. To those who have been hurt and who are hurting I dedicate this to you. Remember not to let one person change how you view all people and keep your heart open but safe. And remember, Your friends are the ones who stay with you, no matter what.
This journal and its words, dedicated to those two who remind me that there is still innocence in this world.
I love the both of you so much.
TK here with another one of my journals. I know that some of you have openly expressed how much you enjoy my opinion on certain matters and how sunny my personality can be. I cant thank all of you enough for what your words have meant to me over the last several years. To my friends and family, I love you all.
Now onto some personal news. Things for me have been going fine. My home life is stable and regular where as my personal life still takes its twists and turns I know not to call it boring because of how quickly it can change. I should just be happy with what I have, and I am. I love my life and all it has to offer, from the people I love to those that have cause me some pain. Each and every person has touched me and taught me a lesson I won't soon forget.
Over the last several months things have been going in and out in regards to my job. One moment I'm fine the next I'm being told that I should get ready to be laid off. It has been rather hurtful for me because of the fact that, though I know I can survive by moving on, I cannot help but hold back the tears. I happen to love my job and the children I work with rather deeply. Its by far the best paying and also the best work environment I have ever had. My past jobs were a horror into themselves. Especially working at a restaurant, I have a new found respect for the waiters and waitresses that have to struggle day in and day out to live off meager pay while dealing with the intense emotional and physical stress that is a demanding customer. I bow to all of your brave enough to hold onto your jobs to keep yourselves afloat in this modern day world.
My Principal and employer, took me in today as well as those I work closely with and told us that the current economic situation won't bode well for all of us. Current budget cuts and restraints have left our school system nearly depleted and struggling every single day just to pay those deserving, especially our teachers, who compared to those in the states….have it far worse. And for the ones who are “Support Staff” like me. My heart goes out to all of them, for if anyone were to be let go….we would be the first to raise our hands and say good bye. My principal had asked that if things were to come down to it, he would ask some of us, if we would be willing to give up our jobs in order to ensure that others would keep theirs. And all I could do was nod and make up my mind that I would already have told him yes. Though they say they need me, My job and my current position in life allow me the courtesy to leave and not really be a detriment to my school. Everyone else is essential and I feel it necessary to be honest with myself and know where I stand. I am young, still have many years ahead of me and many more employment opportunities ahead. Though this school means the world to me. I will not stay and force someone else to loose their job. Thankfully, I live on an island where someone like me can get by for the time being. It would just be heart breaking for me to know that a year from now…those kids would forget I was ever their.
So, though I hope and pray I still have my job by June….I will not shed my tears in front of those who I work with and step proudly away. I worked hard for them and I am a proud employee. If things turn out so that I will be unemployed….I still qualify for scholarship here. I might go back to school and see where my future goes from their. If anything it leaves me open to move out to where Tremor is and see where our lives go from their. Its one of the bright spots about loosing my job. *smiles*
So pray, hope and wish for me, and I will do the same. I want to stay…but I will leave if I have to.
My future at the moment, depends on those higher up and the justice that will be granted to me.
Now, moving onto another subject that has come to my attention. It has to deal mainly with the furry fandom. I being a part of it these last four years, I have come to realize that many things about it can be quite disturbing to some. But mind you I condemn no one, just as it is the right in the real world to live your life how you choose it, it is also that right in the Furry and Anthro world.
My concern is to how driven some of us are by our drive to fulfill our erotic fantasies. Recently, a dear and close friend of mine came to me and told me about a very sad event that recently happened to him. A long time friend of his had shown him his true colors by asking that they not talk until he was 18. Of legal age where he could peruse his sexual fantasies without any legal ramification….or as far as he knows. They had been talking for an entire year and had grown fond of him. But upon hearing those words spoken or written by his friend became horrified and was deeply disappointed at the fact that his friend had based their entire friendship on how often or when it was ok for them to have sex. Though it was online it still disheartens me to know that so many of us could fall under this category of “Sex fiend”.
I myself am not free of guilt. I cam into he fandom at the age of 21 open and free and some of my first friends were made on the fact of how well I could spin a yarn towards the sexual persuasion. I had charmed and been charmed into many undergarments my first two years online. Though I was happy to have the freedom, the realization of how much I could hurt and how I could someone else came all too soon.
The furry fandom is well know for its drama, and a rule that I have come to live by and understand all to well makes itself apparent almost every time I talk to someone new. “Don’t stick your dick in Crazy”. Being the type of artist that I am and the fact that I have already crossed my art over into the “Pornographic realm” I have been propositioned by many a new fan to “Role play Sometime” though each one flatters me to no end. I find it more prudent to simply say no and thank you for enjoying my art. If it were two years earlier I would have jumped at the chance and done what was necessary to “Get my rocks off” but after breaking the hearts of some and having had my heart broken as well. It would be a better choice and better way to avoid that Drama if I were to stay friends and not friends with benefits.
I have a Loving wolf in my life that provides the necessary comfort I need to feel like I could want for nothing as long as I am with him. I feel happy and that’s what matters right now.
As to my friend, he had written to me and told me of his feelings and how much it hurt him to know that a person he felt so much for wasn’t interested in knowing his heart but what was in between his legs. Tough some of you can attest to having based some of your more long standing friendship on the fact that you both had fun sexually that’s not the case for everyone. Especially those younger then us who join the fandom for reasons beyond finding it arousing.
Another dear friend of mine and someone with who I have developed a father son relationship with originally joined because he thought it was cool and the people seemed nice and that he could openly express himself without worry. He quickly made friends and felt like he could belong. I have watched him grow and develop into a wonderful young man and someone I am proud to call “Son”. But the darker side of things mad themselves known when he began to have problems with some of his friends. He wanted to spend time with them and hang out and just be around them, but they showed no interest and some simply faded away. Others….made their interest in him known far too well. He was being asked and prodded to “Play” with some of them and being the kind of person he was what he needed were friends and not partners. He lost and felt lost and I was left wondering how could people reduce something so wonderful and meaningful to someone, to nothing more then a “Yiff”.
Both of them now are considering leaving, one a very talented artist who’s leaving would break my heart and the other may want to break my bond because he would leave the common ground that had offered us the opportunity to meet and eventually care for each other to no end. My Son and my friend both mean the world to me and all they want is to make friends, share their lives with the people around them and be accepted for having something inside them that makes them different. But its become a hard fact that a lot of people in the fandom would rather have sex then get to know a person.
I know that to some of you I'm making a very wide generalization but for those reading…how old are you? 18, 19, 20, 25, 35, 40? Notice that not a lot of “Kids” around are their? All of you here brought in by intentions of getting to know only to have them changed to the “Urge” that you follow. I will be honest….allot of kick ass people here, but that fact can be over shadowed by how many only want their “entertainment”. Sex has become a cornerstone for some. The basis of why they stay and why their here. For others it’s the meeting of new people and making friends, and for others still….to belong and be a part of something wonderful.
Sex is a part of the fandom, a rather large part but not the only one. Lets remember that there are meaningful and wonderful parts to being a furry. Making friends, finding love, and finding the family that you’ve needed all your life. To be recognized as someone or something unique and special, to be seen as both an Individual and part of a group that understands and accepts you. And to be the person or furry you are inside.
For me, the fandom has allowed me to grow and become someone who has accepted himself for the most part. To see the world in a better light and to also know that I'm not alone in what I choose to do with my art and with my life. I am a part of something grand and immense and that makes me proud to say, “I'm a Furry”. I have found myself countless friends and discovering new people each and every day. My life is full of the love and caring of those around me and I have never felt my heart more welcome then when I am here with you all. And my family, you have all become my second family and my second home. I am who I am, and being a furry has only made me accept it even more.
So to everyone, lets look out for the younger ones. Lets not let the fandom slip into something only adults can understand. Lets make it a place where people can raise their family on it and know that we are an accepting and loving group of people who are only here to be a part of something good. If I ever have children of my own….i want to be able to bring them in and let them see you the way I see you. As people worth knowing and having as part of their lives.
I will do my part, I will watch out for those younger then I and let them know that here is not a place where only perverts and fiends dwell. I will continue to be father, brother, friend, and confidant to those I keep with me. I hope that you will do the same and help me keep this ideal as something that in of itself is not a fantasy, but a reality we can all live and grow by.
I'm planning on opening a web site where those seeking friendship and not a sexual partner can come and express themselves openly and without worry. Though that dream is far from completion I want to make it a reality someday. To those who have been hurt and who are hurting I dedicate this to you. Remember not to let one person change how you view all people and keep your heart open but safe. And remember, Your friends are the ones who stay with you, no matter what.
This journal and its words, dedicated to those two who remind me that there is still innocence in this world.
I love the both of you so much.