Well isnt life a sprinkle covered crap pie with dejection and dissapointment as a filling.
Well guys here i am again posting to this journal that i rarely use but im seriously thinking now that i should use it more. life's recent events have lead me to think less of certain people and more of others. isn't it fun how the seemingly meaningless events of the everyday can lead you to the crumbling realization that your screwed and theirs
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Life in general is just hard for me. Try living with autism, heart problems, and being constantly depressed, deep down, hiding it behind fake happiness. I try so hard to get my life together, but it always ends up in utter failure and chest pains. I keep fighting, but it just doesn't work and I'm just sick of fighting what seems like a war I cannot win. I just want to lay my sword down and rest for a little while, but if I do that, life just comes up and continuously kicks my in the stomach when I'm resting. That's when I just want to die, but can't, because I don't want anyone to be sad, so I get up, pick up my dull ass sword and fight again, coughing up blood and really weak.
Now, friends....I have tons of friends on-line and IRL, (I've only meet one of my on-line friends IRL and that made me extremely happy)but all in all I'm lonely. Most of my on-line friends that live in the state I live in are busy with their own lives and can't come to see me. Since I don't have a car, I cannot go see them either. All my other really good friends live in different parts of the world or in other states and Canada. Plus it seems like every time I and my friends get a chance to meet somewhere, something always comes up for them and they can't come.
-sighs- I know it seems like every reply I do is negative, but that's just how it is. Until my life does get better I'm going to be emo and hide behind fake happiness. Though I'm going to live to see that day and that days going to be really great. Who know what the future hold for me or anyone really? I just know I can get to that point with friends like you TK and my family. On another note, I vent in journals, so that I don't have to hold onto the feeling I have when I type them out. Plus it's a way to get advice, see who else has dealt with that same problem and just see what people think.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the long reply back. Once I start typing I sometimes don't know when to stop, but I'm stopping now, so I can find something to do to help my life get better. Thanks for reading this during your busy schedule. -continues crying as I hug you tightly-
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