Taking things in stride
I think I've always been fairly good at shaking off my troubles, maybe apathy has something to do with that, but somehow I've always been able to shrug it off or tough it out. A stubborn procrastinator, I remember being tested for ADHD, and later being sent to a plethora of psycologists while simultaniously being forced to go to sylvan learning center. Those were shit times, but it never really got me down and I got over it quickly. Which brings me to a related issue. My parents basically hated me throughout middle school and high school because of what a slacker I was. There were constant fights about grades and attendence and my goals for the future it was ridiculous. I did not have any peace in the home. But really, that wasnt a big deal when I think about it. The death of Stephen Cheuk... that one was hard. I couldn't believe I was looking at a friend who had given me a ride home not two weeks before lying in a coffin. To top it all off, during that drive he wanted my opinion of that one song, "suffocation, no breathing. Dont give a fuck if I cut my own breathing." Who would have fucking thought? Of course I thought about, what if. What if by some miracle I had realized what was going on his head? Im sure I could have talked him out of it. But I knew under the circumstances there was nothing I could have done. I was sad, but I toughed it out, and never really got depressed about it.
I think Im going to stop there. The point is that I have a natural tendency to be optimistic and favor a sunny disposition. I like that about myself, its made my life easier, and in general more enjoyable. But I've also been described as a guy who has a lot of obvious quirks. I think most people have just as many quirks, but you dont discover them until you get to know them. Maybe I stand out? Maybe thats why I often find myself the butt of most jokes, good natured or otherwise. Im just a happy-go-lucky glutton for punishment. You can get a good laugh and the guy will still be just as cheery as before. As much I enjoy making people laugh, this is an aspect of myself I really wouldnt mind changing. I still want to cultivate humor, but I dont feel like I get much respect. I think my disdain for schoolwork and the resulting grades/attitude about highschool have overshadowed what I have in fact managed to accomplish. I think attending college without having graduated highschool isn't a bad achievement. And I mean, fuck, I can unicycle through motherfucking snow! Tell me thats not impressive. While inconsistant, I've also improved drastically at ultimate since summer.
Anyway, all this comes to mind, because I have been depressed recently. The last week of winter break was pretty bad, but I'll chalk that up to being languid after 5 months of doing absolutely nothing. The first 4 days of DMACC I felt amazingly good. I listened to music nonstop, bursting out into song at every song I knew and humming along with those I didnt, got my work done promptly and got plenty of sleep. I was actually somewhat worried, since it was so unusual by that point. But, I came down off that high, and though I wasnt in a bad mood, I wasnt in a particularly good mood either. Unfortunately a few days ago was well, it was a downright terrible day for a primary reason followed by a bunch of secondary ones. Anyway, that night with a little help I dedicated several hours to thoughts about life, myself/my situation, and touched on the future. I came out of it feeling a lot better. I don't honestly know what to do now, but it involves repairing some threads and hopefully being in good spirits. I guess some other things to think about would be to focus on DMACC and start thinking about what I want to do. Some direction in life would probably do wonders for me. I should also think about getting a job, as free time is clearly bad for my mental health. I suppose thats about it for today. If trends continue I'll see you again in about a month or so.
I think Im going to stop there. The point is that I have a natural tendency to be optimistic and favor a sunny disposition. I like that about myself, its made my life easier, and in general more enjoyable. But I've also been described as a guy who has a lot of obvious quirks. I think most people have just as many quirks, but you dont discover them until you get to know them. Maybe I stand out? Maybe thats why I often find myself the butt of most jokes, good natured or otherwise. Im just a happy-go-lucky glutton for punishment. You can get a good laugh and the guy will still be just as cheery as before. As much I enjoy making people laugh, this is an aspect of myself I really wouldnt mind changing. I still want to cultivate humor, but I dont feel like I get much respect. I think my disdain for schoolwork and the resulting grades/attitude about highschool have overshadowed what I have in fact managed to accomplish. I think attending college without having graduated highschool isn't a bad achievement. And I mean, fuck, I can unicycle through motherfucking snow! Tell me thats not impressive. While inconsistant, I've also improved drastically at ultimate since summer.
Anyway, all this comes to mind, because I have been depressed recently. The last week of winter break was pretty bad, but I'll chalk that up to being languid after 5 months of doing absolutely nothing. The first 4 days of DMACC I felt amazingly good. I listened to music nonstop, bursting out into song at every song I knew and humming along with those I didnt, got my work done promptly and got plenty of sleep. I was actually somewhat worried, since it was so unusual by that point. But, I came down off that high, and though I wasnt in a bad mood, I wasnt in a particularly good mood either. Unfortunately a few days ago was well, it was a downright terrible day for a primary reason followed by a bunch of secondary ones. Anyway, that night with a little help I dedicated several hours to thoughts about life, myself/my situation, and touched on the future. I came out of it feeling a lot better. I don't honestly know what to do now, but it involves repairing some threads and hopefully being in good spirits. I guess some other things to think about would be to focus on DMACC and start thinking about what I want to do. Some direction in life would probably do wonders for me. I should also think about getting a job, as free time is clearly bad for my mental health. I suppose thats about it for today. If trends continue I'll see you again in about a month or so.