A lot of rambling
Life is pretty boring. Well, that's not true. I suppose it just feels boring right now. I don't remember if it was 1 or 2 years or so ago, but on the morning just before the first day of school I hadn't slept that night. I remember that morning distinctly, because I was listening through the entirety of the FLCL soundtrack by The Pillows in the dark at my kitchen table, until the sun eventually poked its head up and I went off to school for yet another year. I remember feeling incredibly lethargic, but I was also at peace. Calm before the storm, I guess. But anyway, that's how I feel right now, as I listen to that same album, and actually, at about the same time of day. I spent most of my night cleaning up downstairs, specifically the ping pong table (which had been buried under a mountain of crap), but I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. If anything, I've just shuffled a lot of useless junk around that I just can't bring myself to throw away. Even though I know I will never use it/look at it again. I get too damn attached to random crap from days gone by.
Note, after writing all of whats below, don't worry if you don't feel like reading it. It's more of my musings about my past more than anything. I recommend reading the last paragraph though, as that pertains to current events.
I've also been thinking about how I live my life. The realization of how I've lived my life up til now has left me with a fair amount of regrets. Not necissarily that I would have buckled down and studied hard, I really dislike doing that. But rather, I didn't take more opprotunities my lifestyle presented. For instance, seeing as how I failed high school anyway, I could have done so much more with my time there, just messing around and having fun. But that's not the only regret I have. Something that I take pride in about my life is that I have, for the most part, been my own person. I didn't really care about what other kids were doing, I just did my own thing. A big instance of this from early on in life was in Kindergarten. Me and most of the boys were playing outside in our little fenced in kindergarten playground, when Sean Edwards, my best friend at the time, hatched a plan to climb the fence and go to his house to play Nintendo. As tempting as this was, I didn't think it was a good idea, so I ended up not going and eventually telling on them. I don't think any of the guys held grudges against me. However, I lost a lot of this mentality in middle school. I'm not exactly sure what led up to it, but I was made fun of a lot there. I'll go ahead and say it was because I lived in huxley, so I never saw or really talked to anyone. It sucked. I became fairly awkward socially, which was only made worse because of the taunting. This is when I changed my outfit (which is what I wear to this day- yes, the exact same cloths) in an attempt to fit in. It didn't really work.
The transition from middle school to high school is a blur, but a lot of things went better for me. Though, I still went out of my way, sometimes doing outrageous or stupid things in order to impress people. I found that I couldn't stand people looking down on me. I still don't. I'm just as good as anybody, so it fucking pisses me off when people have condescending attitudes towards me. Especially when people bring up my lack of a high school diploma. It's outside of the norm, but dropping out is a decision that I ultimately made, and one that probably wont have any real negative effect on my life. But I've digressed... I also spent a lot of time thinking (since I still didn't hang out with people much outside of school), which eventually led to my philisophical views on life that I currently have. Freshman year I made a lot of cheap friends, but nothing satisfying. Sophmore year improved drastically, and even though I knew a lot of people and was doing fairly well, I still lacked a lot of confidence that I didn't obtain until junior and senior year. That brought me back to my old, "I do my own thing," attitude that I had been missing for 5 or so years. And it feels good to have it back. I also learned how to carry myself in society better. I dunno, I always felt like I would get carried away, or get too excited about things. I'm betting this made me a pretty overbearing or annoying fellow. Even though I can't really recall any instance of me getting carried away, there was a time Iain had mentioned that he was going to go play D&D with some people, and I asked him if I could go and play as well. His response still lingers in mind every so often: "I dunno, you know how you get sometimes." I think that sometimes my brain just runs too fast. Or rather, runs past capacity.
For instance, let's say that the average person uses around 75% of his capacity for thought, and when he uses 100%, all his jokes click, he makes no mistakes in his speech, and he is essentially Mr. Suave. Now let's say that when I get carried away, my brain functions at 200%. I start thinking about several ways to utter a sentence, different vocubular to use in said sentence, and if I'm making a joke, getting ahead of myself and concocting the end as I try to say the beginning. This never ends well. An example: "What if the stars could sharkle during the day as night?" What I meant to say was "What if the stars could shine/sparkle (I combined the two words, as I couldn't decide on which word I wanted to use until it was too late) during the day just as they do at night?(My mind was running too fast and forgot to add key words such as "just they do at")" The big problem is, I do this a fair amount. It's really getting on my nerves, but I have trouble slowing down I guess. I've brought it up in conversation before when I've done it, and mentioned how I must be somewhat retarded, but so far no one has really commented on that. I don't really think I am, it's just stupid how I keep doing it.
I think Im going to wrap this up for now. Theres plenty of time in the future for my ramblings. Especially since I think I've touched on several of the topics I've talked about here before. Oh well. I will say that I am very dissapointed by my contributions to moustationals. I missed so much game time, I just feel terrible about it. Between soccer and being sick... it just wasn't a good situation. I did score the game-winning point against UNI by using my godlike speed and sublime cutting technique to totally destroy my defender on the iso. Iain and I chuckled a bit afterwards (me, joyfully. iain, pretty much in awe) because the whole situation was somewhat outrageous. After I believe Misra called ISO TORIN, the guy guarding me pointed at me and said that the iso was me. Im not sure exactly what he did next, but I made a fairly standard cut to the corner, and the defender was MILES behind me for no apparent reason. On force side, no less. Oh well, made me feel good and gave me something to rub in Iain's face. The only other thing of real note was soccer, which was followed by Tasty Taco and some chatting it up with Louise. I'll start with the soccer, as it was pretty incredible. Half the field had turned into a puddle, which made for an interesting game. You could have the best, most solid passes in the world, but when it hit a random puddle (which were often invisible from more than 3ft away) the ball would stop DEAD. It was also HIGHLY amusing watching people try to dribble through it. My strategy evolved into chipping the ball everywhere. It was pretty effective. Halfway through the game my feet were soaked and frozen solid. Luckily the game ended and I had two utterly fantastic chicken flour tacos as I chatted with Louise. He had apparently broken his nose recently and had come out of surgery a day or so earlier. It looked a little swollen, but otherwise alright. We then compared injuries, and I busted out my broken arm in the forth grade. He had broken one of his fingers in the sixth grade, but it never healed properly and is no longer straight. He cant hold that finger together with the others, because its a little crooked. I bid Louise farewell, with promises of summer league, and I was off.
And so ends what is probably my longest post I've ever written.
Note, after writing all of whats below, don't worry if you don't feel like reading it. It's more of my musings about my past more than anything. I recommend reading the last paragraph though, as that pertains to current events.
I've also been thinking about how I live my life. The realization of how I've lived my life up til now has left me with a fair amount of regrets. Not necissarily that I would have buckled down and studied hard, I really dislike doing that. But rather, I didn't take more opprotunities my lifestyle presented. For instance, seeing as how I failed high school anyway, I could have done so much more with my time there, just messing around and having fun. But that's not the only regret I have. Something that I take pride in about my life is that I have, for the most part, been my own person. I didn't really care about what other kids were doing, I just did my own thing. A big instance of this from early on in life was in Kindergarten. Me and most of the boys were playing outside in our little fenced in kindergarten playground, when Sean Edwards, my best friend at the time, hatched a plan to climb the fence and go to his house to play Nintendo. As tempting as this was, I didn't think it was a good idea, so I ended up not going and eventually telling on them. I don't think any of the guys held grudges against me. However, I lost a lot of this mentality in middle school. I'm not exactly sure what led up to it, but I was made fun of a lot there. I'll go ahead and say it was because I lived in huxley, so I never saw or really talked to anyone. It sucked. I became fairly awkward socially, which was only made worse because of the taunting. This is when I changed my outfit (which is what I wear to this day- yes, the exact same cloths) in an attempt to fit in. It didn't really work.
The transition from middle school to high school is a blur, but a lot of things went better for me. Though, I still went out of my way, sometimes doing outrageous or stupid things in order to impress people. I found that I couldn't stand people looking down on me. I still don't. I'm just as good as anybody, so it fucking pisses me off when people have condescending attitudes towards me. Especially when people bring up my lack of a high school diploma. It's outside of the norm, but dropping out is a decision that I ultimately made, and one that probably wont have any real negative effect on my life. But I've digressed... I also spent a lot of time thinking (since I still didn't hang out with people much outside of school), which eventually led to my philisophical views on life that I currently have. Freshman year I made a lot of cheap friends, but nothing satisfying. Sophmore year improved drastically, and even though I knew a lot of people and was doing fairly well, I still lacked a lot of confidence that I didn't obtain until junior and senior year. That brought me back to my old, "I do my own thing," attitude that I had been missing for 5 or so years. And it feels good to have it back. I also learned how to carry myself in society better. I dunno, I always felt like I would get carried away, or get too excited about things. I'm betting this made me a pretty overbearing or annoying fellow. Even though I can't really recall any instance of me getting carried away, there was a time Iain had mentioned that he was going to go play D&D with some people, and I asked him if I could go and play as well. His response still lingers in mind every so often: "I dunno, you know how you get sometimes." I think that sometimes my brain just runs too fast. Or rather, runs past capacity.
For instance, let's say that the average person uses around 75% of his capacity for thought, and when he uses 100%, all his jokes click, he makes no mistakes in his speech, and he is essentially Mr. Suave. Now let's say that when I get carried away, my brain functions at 200%. I start thinking about several ways to utter a sentence, different vocubular to use in said sentence, and if I'm making a joke, getting ahead of myself and concocting the end as I try to say the beginning. This never ends well. An example: "What if the stars could sharkle during the day as night?" What I meant to say was "What if the stars could shine/sparkle (I combined the two words, as I couldn't decide on which word I wanted to use until it was too late) during the day just as they do at night?(My mind was running too fast and forgot to add key words such as "just they do at")" The big problem is, I do this a fair amount. It's really getting on my nerves, but I have trouble slowing down I guess. I've brought it up in conversation before when I've done it, and mentioned how I must be somewhat retarded, but so far no one has really commented on that. I don't really think I am, it's just stupid how I keep doing it.
I think Im going to wrap this up for now. Theres plenty of time in the future for my ramblings. Especially since I think I've touched on several of the topics I've talked about here before. Oh well. I will say that I am very dissapointed by my contributions to moustationals. I missed so much game time, I just feel terrible about it. Between soccer and being sick... it just wasn't a good situation. I did score the game-winning point against UNI by using my godlike speed and sublime cutting technique to totally destroy my defender on the iso. Iain and I chuckled a bit afterwards (me, joyfully. iain, pretty much in awe) because the whole situation was somewhat outrageous. After I believe Misra called ISO TORIN, the guy guarding me pointed at me and said that the iso was me. Im not sure exactly what he did next, but I made a fairly standard cut to the corner, and the defender was MILES behind me for no apparent reason. On force side, no less. Oh well, made me feel good and gave me something to rub in Iain's face. The only other thing of real note was soccer, which was followed by Tasty Taco and some chatting it up with Louise. I'll start with the soccer, as it was pretty incredible. Half the field had turned into a puddle, which made for an interesting game. You could have the best, most solid passes in the world, but when it hit a random puddle (which were often invisible from more than 3ft away) the ball would stop DEAD. It was also HIGHLY amusing watching people try to dribble through it. My strategy evolved into chipping the ball everywhere. It was pretty effective. Halfway through the game my feet were soaked and frozen solid. Luckily the game ended and I had two utterly fantastic chicken flour tacos as I chatted with Louise. He had apparently broken his nose recently and had come out of surgery a day or so earlier. It looked a little swollen, but otherwise alright. We then compared injuries, and I busted out my broken arm in the forth grade. He had broken one of his fingers in the sixth grade, but it never healed properly and is no longer straight. He cant hold that finger together with the others, because its a little crooked. I bid Louise farewell, with promises of summer league, and I was off.
And so ends what is probably my longest post I've ever written.