Ch-ch-ch-changes
So, my life sucks right now. We've established this already. I am becoming depressed and feeling more and more hopeless every day. I need something in my life besides the confidence-draining, pointless and inane job I have now, where I am routinely made to feel like crap. I need something besides maybe, perhaps making a music video in the spring and random, sparse trips to New York City.
I think I'm going to go back to school -- not to SVA, unless they decide to let me go there and live there for free (unlikely) -- but to Montclair State, or something like that. The ideal would be to go to a college in Manhattan and live in the dorms there, but let‘s face it, it's not going to happen in a way so that I don't get into any more debt than I am already in. I want to live in the city but it can't happen yet, unless I decide to go through with that thing I talked about a few entries ago. Besides, I've been feeling guilty sitting around the house, depending on my parents, and not -- well, not growing up.
I may not go into the Filmmaking major, but into the Broadcasting major instead. Or something completely different. I don't know. I might not even do it at all. I'd need to be able to get enough scholarships or grants to cover least almost all of the costs, because I cannot get into more debt. It's not going to work. It's bad enough already, and upping it, even if it is only a few thousand more, is going to fucking kill me when I'm finally done with school.
Exceeeept I've been looking at scholarships again and am reminded why I couldn't find any the first time around:
1) I am not a minority.
2) I am not going into a math or science related field.
3) I am not poor enough (because my parents can totally afford to shell out money for me when they're living paycheck to paycheck, besides they can't/won't pay for anything anyway)
4) I have never done community service.
5) I have never belonged to any clubs that give out scholarships.
6) I am not disadvantaged enough and nothing traumatic has ever happened to me.
7) I didn't get amazing grades.
8) Neither of my parents, nor I, have ever been in the military. My aunt has but I'm not sure if she counts.
9) I can't write a good essay.
10) My SAT score was only 1750.
11) I have never particularly excelled at anything.
12) I have never won any awards.
13) I am not a "leader".
14) I have never cured cancer or AIDS or done anything else that is reasonable to expect of somebody that hasn't been preparing for college since grade school.
I'll be able to get a $5,000 scholarship for 8 semesters if I go to Montclair (got higher than 1700 on SAT and at least a 3.0 gpa), but that's it.
*deep sigh* Why is everything crap???
I think I'm going to go back to school -- not to SVA, unless they decide to let me go there and live there for free (unlikely) -- but to Montclair State, or something like that. The ideal would be to go to a college in Manhattan and live in the dorms there, but let‘s face it, it's not going to happen in a way so that I don't get into any more debt than I am already in. I want to live in the city but it can't happen yet, unless I decide to go through with that thing I talked about a few entries ago. Besides, I've been feeling guilty sitting around the house, depending on my parents, and not -- well, not growing up.
I may not go into the Filmmaking major, but into the Broadcasting major instead. Or something completely different. I don't know. I might not even do it at all. I'd need to be able to get enough scholarships or grants to cover least almost all of the costs, because I cannot get into more debt. It's not going to work. It's bad enough already, and upping it, even if it is only a few thousand more, is going to fucking kill me when I'm finally done with school.
Exceeeept I've been looking at scholarships again and am reminded why I couldn't find any the first time around:
1) I am not a minority.
2) I am not going into a math or science related field.
3) I am not poor enough (because my parents can totally afford to shell out money for me when they're living paycheck to paycheck, besides they can't/won't pay for anything anyway)
4) I have never done community service.
5) I have never belonged to any clubs that give out scholarships.
6) I am not disadvantaged enough and nothing traumatic has ever happened to me.
7) I didn't get amazing grades.
8) Neither of my parents, nor I, have ever been in the military. My aunt has but I'm not sure if she counts.
9) I can't write a good essay.
10) My SAT score was only 1750.
11) I have never particularly excelled at anything.
12) I have never won any awards.
13) I am not a "leader".
14) I have never cured cancer or AIDS or done anything else that is reasonable to expect of somebody that hasn't been preparing for college since grade school.
I'll be able to get a $5,000 scholarship for 8 semesters if I go to Montclair (got higher than 1700 on SAT and at least a 3.0 gpa), but that's it.
*deep sigh* Why is everything crap???