"Ruined my mind like a snake in the orchard..."
Ok, much more clear-headed and less likely to pass out, let's try that again.
When I greet someone socially, especially when out drinking, I almost always make some kind of physical contact with the person. Gently brushing your shoulder, touching your arm, hugging you, or occasionally, throwing my arms around you then jumping and twirling like caffinated schoolgirls. It's just something in how I behave. If I don't touch you, conversation seems stunted somehow and my brain starts going through this weird "Why do I feel uncomfortable around this person? Am I uncomfortable around this person? Do I not want to be associated with them? Am I worried they don't want to be associated with me? Am I insecure for some reason? Is it a closet thing? Am I SIX? Am I in a weird mood? Does something in them worry me or put me on edge...?"
Contact for me is instant rapport. Too much time working in bars has me constantly examining things like physical contact, breathing patterns, gesture patterns, eye contact, pupil dilation, etc. Most of which fall into that catagory of "unconscious behaviour patterns" that everyone does, everyone is aware of, and no one talks about because it makes you seem calculating. Meh. I figure, just do it. Otherwise you become overly aware of every motion in a conversation, you overanalise, try to compensate, and end up trying to seem less of a bastard by acting like an automaton. If I want to hug someone and it doesn't feel uncomfortable, I hug them. The evaluation doesn't even run through my consciousness. It just happens.
Sometimes this comes off as being overly flirtatious. I'm aware of that. Again, I'd rather not go through life second-guessing every blink and breath. That's what LiveJournal is for. :)
A girl maned Heidi once told me that I always look like I'm posing for a camera. Having just glided into The Book Cafe with my suede trenchcoat billowing behind me, purposfully declining my head as a greeting, then pivoting on one foot to turn, sit, and recline on the arm of a chesterfield, there wasn't much I could say to contradict that. :)
Part of last night was just the shock of having someone dismiss me and walk out while I stared stunned at the bar. About five seconds later my brain kicked in and went "The hell?" Decent guy, fun to talk to, but one of those people you don't really think of as having a body. Just someone you see around and chat with. I don't know if I should be appologising to him, or he should appologise to me. Eaurgh. It's a weird worried guilt kind of feeling. I don't know if I was flirting with him or not. I easily come off that way, even if there's nothing deliberate.
He's a decent guy, though. I don't want to just dismiss him in turn. Meh. I'm reading far too much into this. A quick chat to clear the air is probably all it takes.
As for the other guy, yeah, ok, someone turned me down. I'll live. :)
When I greet someone socially, especially when out drinking, I almost always make some kind of physical contact with the person. Gently brushing your shoulder, touching your arm, hugging you, or occasionally, throwing my arms around you then jumping and twirling like caffinated schoolgirls. It's just something in how I behave. If I don't touch you, conversation seems stunted somehow and my brain starts going through this weird "Why do I feel uncomfortable around this person? Am I uncomfortable around this person? Do I not want to be associated with them? Am I worried they don't want to be associated with me? Am I insecure for some reason? Is it a closet thing? Am I SIX? Am I in a weird mood? Does something in them worry me or put me on edge...?"
Contact for me is instant rapport. Too much time working in bars has me constantly examining things like physical contact, breathing patterns, gesture patterns, eye contact, pupil dilation, etc. Most of which fall into that catagory of "unconscious behaviour patterns" that everyone does, everyone is aware of, and no one talks about because it makes you seem calculating. Meh. I figure, just do it. Otherwise you become overly aware of every motion in a conversation, you overanalise, try to compensate, and end up trying to seem less of a bastard by acting like an automaton. If I want to hug someone and it doesn't feel uncomfortable, I hug them. The evaluation doesn't even run through my consciousness. It just happens.
Sometimes this comes off as being overly flirtatious. I'm aware of that. Again, I'd rather not go through life second-guessing every blink and breath. That's what LiveJournal is for. :)
A girl maned Heidi once told me that I always look like I'm posing for a camera. Having just glided into The Book Cafe with my suede trenchcoat billowing behind me, purposfully declining my head as a greeting, then pivoting on one foot to turn, sit, and recline on the arm of a chesterfield, there wasn't much I could say to contradict that. :)
Part of last night was just the shock of having someone dismiss me and walk out while I stared stunned at the bar. About five seconds later my brain kicked in and went "The hell?" Decent guy, fun to talk to, but one of those people you don't really think of as having a body. Just someone you see around and chat with. I don't know if I should be appologising to him, or he should appologise to me. Eaurgh. It's a weird worried guilt kind of feeling. I don't know if I was flirting with him or not. I easily come off that way, even if there's nothing deliberate.
He's a decent guy, though. I don't want to just dismiss him in turn. Meh. I'm reading far too much into this. A quick chat to clear the air is probably all it takes.
As for the other guy, yeah, ok, someone turned me down. I'll live. :)