Become a recluse, and I blame myself...

[tjmatic]

Somethings missing from me lately. I dont know what it is. BUt it's certainly gone, or hiding. I feel like im a different person sometimes. I hate it. Depression hits like a brick.

Knowing she's not sleeping in the front of the room was hard enough. But watching little Zack cry as he said goodbye was too much to take. I know that most of you dont understand what I'm talking about but can probably come to your own conclusions.

My mind is in so many different places right now. All of them dark. I don't like who I feel like I am now, but I can't even tell what's different. Has anybody else noticed a change since this summer or last year, or anything?

Someone will always find the bad in things if they look for them. I can't stand this. I can't remember the last time i wasn't heavily depressed in December. I don't know what it is.

Why am I like this?
Why am I always upset?
What has changed?
Why do I feel alone even when I'm in a house full of peers?
Why am I so shy now?
What happened to the annoying loudmouth I once was?
Where have I gone?
Have I really changed?
Am I just getting older?
Am I maturing?
Am I just seeing things differently?

I dont know...