Fuck
Well. I guess not a whole lots been happening since my last update.
I really need to get a life. Seriously. All I do is sit around the apartment with Tobin.
I'm quite lame, I swear to you that I am.
♥
I finally started talking to Amber again. I missed her like crazy. Seriously that hot mess is crazy.
Jamie has been calling me which makes me smile since she's pretty much the only friend that does anymore.
I love her to bits toooooooo. Plus odd men come to her house and want to vaccum..thats just cool.
♥
I'm thinking about calling the doctor and getting a higher dose of anti-depressants. I had a panic/anxiety attack real bad yesterday. I was crying shaking hyperventalating. I couldnt breathe. I was stuttering freaking out the whole nine yards. I called Doug and he was about to come home and take Tobin back to work with him so I could calm down.
I just don't know what wrong with me. I feel like a failure for needing antidepressants. My mom had 7 kids...no happy pills. My grandma had 12...notihng. Me, I have one kid. I can't handle the pressure and stress && I get on pills after 6months.
Granted I have been thru alot this past year and a half, moving a gazillion times, having Tobin, getting emergency surgery, not having any friends up here blah blah blah. I feel like I'm making excuses.
Some days I feel like quitting. I shouldnt feel like that. I love my son. I just don't want to be a mom anymore somtimes.
I feel like a single mom when Doug works all the time. This is his 2nd week straight of working. His last day off was the week of Thanksgiving. :(
I'm homesick.
I miss my friends.
I hate this town.
Although I will say its super cute around Christmas time. In the park they have ACTUAL reindeer and a little shack set up for Santa its super cute.
♥
I think I'll take Tobin tonight.
Anywho Im done with my rambling. Only Jamie && Shelly read this anyways