this deserves its own post
copy paste of a partly high conversation with a buddy of mine. I'd lj cut it if I knew either how to or could be bothered.
James: I wrote this thing for livejournal, earlier
James: was gonna post it private, in case she saw it
James: but thought fuck it
Lewzy!: :c
James: part of me hopes she does
James: http://feelafraidcomic.com/?p=257
James: oh god
James: I was raging about this earlier
Lewzy!: as soon as you see the "it "
Lewzy!: gameboy out the window
James: even worse
James: it used the same goddamn 6 words initially when it finally STOPS being confused
Lewzy!: rofl
James: http://i.imgur.com/mMXxE.jpg
Lewzy!: lol WHAT
James: this comic is outstanding
James: hey dude?
Lewzy!: hey
Lewzy!: dude
James: this feeling like being on the pit of despair
James: it stops eventually, right?
Lewzy!: implying ive been through a breakup
James: implying you've been a shitty time at some stage or another in your life
James: been through*
Lewzy!: yeah everything works out
James: ok
James: that sounds nice
James: I just wish it would hurry up a little
Lewzy!: you'll be fine bro
James: dad kept talking to me when I was down home
James: I swear to god, I have never repressed as many tears as that evening
James: CRYING IN FRONT OF FATHER
James: ER NO.
Lewzy!: son i am disapoint
James: he kept going on about how obviously in love we both were when she was here, how you could see it
James: and I'm like
James: jesus dad, you're killing me here
Lewzy!: THANKS DAD
Lewzy!: THAT HELPS
James: i got what he meant by it
James: I wish I could sleep normally without stupid tablets
James: or look at girls and see tits and shit, as opposed to a massive block of guilt
Lewzy!: :c
James: or you know
James: function as a normal human being for a day or two to get my shit together
Lewzy!: man the fuck up
James: I cannot
James: everything
James: dude I gave her everything
James: and she tore it pieces
Lewzy!: when life gives you lemons
Lewzy!: FUCK LEMONS
James: I appreciate it
James: but ar he minte I do'nt even KNWO who or what I am anymore
James: I was soething
James: someone
Lewzy!: sec, translating that from irish to english
James: wrongt ranslater node
Lewzy!: BUT AR HE MINTE POTATOES
James: slightly hihj =:> english
James: fuck sake
James: most of that was nonsense
James: but it made so much more sense in my head
James: I just need to get it out of there as quickly as possible
James: I need to know
James: how I feel
James: I need to know if I still can
Lewzy!: just dont skype me again that was awkward
James: ok :(
James: your loss like
James: DUDE
Lewzy!: what!
James: I need to focus'#
James: on what the
James: this
James: pro tip
James: never take prescription meds
Lewzy!: i dont intend to
James: they fuck you up so fast
James: 20 mins ago
James: OK
James: OK
James: ok
James: I am alone
James: my heart has been beaten, thrown unceremounously to the side, having had its use spent
James: it is there
James: but there's nothing I can do to fix it
James: I need help
James: i need help
James: I need help
Lewzy!: quit the pills and go see that shink again
James: you mskr an assumption as to the number of pills
James: always only 1
James: within guidelines
James: they blur the by-lines
James: making it easier to conprehend what my head is feeling
Lewzy!: you're avoiding it, stop taking those so you dont have to deal with it
James: there's
James: it's up here
James: on th etop
James: sun of a bitch it was on the TOP
James: lording it over me
James: bringing fear anddeaedth a misery and sasadness
James: i won't hold for it
James: i refuse to have my heart be tarried more by these cunts
James: this is my heart
James: it always was
James: and I want it back please
James: I want it back and I want it back without pain
James: please
James: it's NOT HERS
James: it's MINE
James: and I want it back
James: I want
James: to feel complete
James: I want to feel like when I wake ip in the morning that tis' me that has woken up
James: I have died
James: this can be the only explanation
James: so what is there in its space?
Lewzy!: they dont have steam in heaven
Lewzy!: or if they do they better have a fast as fuck internet connection
James: yes
James: yes
James: YES
James: there will be a steam in heaven
Lewzy!: none of this 300kbs crap
James: but right now we need to sort some other shit out
James: we
James: I
James: whichever appeals to yuou
James: I think I need to go and experience a large amount/volume of narcottics that would cause me to have these kidna feelings right out the bat
Lewzy!: first things
Lewzy!: you need to start going to class again
Lewzy!: no excuses
James: she was my excuse to go
James: and now I have no excuse to goooooooooooooo
James: fuck I'm glad you're not on skype
Lewzy!: i'd be telling you to shut the fuck up, you're going there for yourself, not her
James: but I don't know if I can'#
James: I don't think I'm cabable of this stuff
James: it's above me
Lewzy!: you dont KNOW, you dont THINK you can
James: THAT'S A BIG THING RIGHT NOW
Lewzy!: if you're not gonna fucking try why should i bother
James: why should anyone bother for me
James: noeone shoud
Lewzy!: because you're my friend
James: hoky fuck
James: I need a minute
James: sorry
Lewzy!: why
James: because you saying you're my friend has literally left me in tears
James: and I do'nt know hwo to deal eith
James: with this #asslll
James: I just constantly have felt like I've been on my own for the last 3 weeks
James: been so lonely
James: just felt so alone
Lewzy!: thats normal, man
James: to have 5 years of someone that close to me
James: and then she's not there
James: and we can't even talk because it's too hard on both of us
James: and now
James: WHAT
James: WHAT DO I FUCKING DO
James: ALL I HAVE LEFT
James: IS BROKEN HEART AND A CRIPPLING FEAR OF SELF-DOUBT
Lewzy!: caps lock
James: this is the end of a relationship
James: and this is what I have to pay for
James: and I get stiffed with the bill
Lewzy!: don't tip the waiter
James: is the waiter her father?
James: GEE IT'D BE NICE TO FUCKING MEET HIM FOR ONCE
Lewzy!: i dont want to answer that
James: this is quite obviously a drug enduced spiral of depression
Lewzy!: you sound more angry than depressed
James: but I cannot put into works how good/good is a bad word to use but it works/ I felt when you said you were my friend
James: it's like a ladder appears out of nowhere in those animes and the dude is carried out of volcanoe
James: or wherever
James: I just want you to know how much your calling yoruself my friend means to me
Lewzy!: dude you know im your friend
James: no I didn't
James: I knew we were these two guys that dick around on the internet because it's funny and because we have a similar type of friendly bantar
James: I didn't know if you were my friend or not
Lewzy!: how can you not think that, man
Lewzy!: ive spoken to you almost everyday for fucking 3 years or something
James: CLAIRE SPOKE TO ME FOR ALMOST 5 YEARS
Lewzy!: SHUT THE FUCK UP
James: and now the sight of here
Lewzy!: THIS IS ABOUT BROS
James: upi
James: upir
James: you're right sorry
James: I'll shut up
Lewzy!: okay good
Lewzy!: i didnt mean litterally
James: o sorry
James: thought you were like
James: going to say something
Lewzy!: er
Lewzy!: rofl
James: maybe there's something to getting stoned
James: http://tjay616.livejournal.com/
James: latest
Lewzy!: i read it
James: was written before sleeping meds were taken
James: I think I could have put it more elouently, but it's fine I guess
Lewzy!: yeah
James: I'm not going over-board with this, I promise, and I'm not looking for pity or shit
James: but I'm fucking glad you're my friend
James: even if right now I'm hanging on by my teeth for most things, it's good to know I know the person who'se hand is at my face level
Lewzy!: you know im your friend man
James: 2 weeks ago I "knew" that Claire and I were fucking best buddies en route to have awesome sex in Scotland
James: then we're not and I appear to be missing a lot of things
James: including my brain for a while
Lewzy!: :C
James: people make these ridiculously gradeoise gestures, talking about how they love one person from now until tht end of time t c etc
James: and I got sucked in
James: she was obviously the one
James: my perfect
James: fit
James: could want of nothing else
James: I was happy with her
James: however you want to disect that or try to explain it
James: while with her, I was happy
James: I think maybe that was what is making it so hard to accept
James: she became what I drew happiness from
James: and then she just closes up shop some evening
James: no sex
James: no hugs
James: no kissing
James: warm hand of friendshipin return
James: and we both know that is bullshit
James: that isn't right
Lewzy!: yeah thats not fair
James: she had already fallen out of love with me
James: she didn't
James: doesn't
James: have to go through this with such greater effect
James: she wasn't the one that had her heart destroyed/pounded/beaton
James: so she comes out of it feeling guilty leaving me in this mess
James: what should I be feeling rihgt now?
James: if I had a ball-park idea
James: it would help to temper myself to reality
Lewzy!: i dont know man
James: I miss her to the point of tears
James: I hope you're keeping this chat log
James: it will be worth millions to justin beibers song writing team
Lewzy!: hahaha
James: I just
James: feel so lonely
James: and shit
James: and cannot be bothered doing anything in the slightest
James: anyway, thank you
James: and sorry for moaning
Lewzy!: lol its fine
James: you have no idea how surreal talking to you earlier was like
James: I had a youtube video on
James: but it was on full
James: and I'd paused it at this black part
James: just pitch blackness
James: and then just this chat box
James: looked like it was swimming
James: felt so hard to put my words down
Lewzy!: rofl
Lewzy!: what
James: I don't know |:
James: felt like I was tripping balls
James: feeling a bit better though
Lewzy!: good!
James: I'm just not sure why or how
Lewzy!: does it matter?
James: i guess not
James: but I'd like to know why I'm feeling better
Lewzy!: http://images.4chan.org/b/src/1299720603226.jpg
James: hey
James: pick an obscenely gross thing that you would really never normally not eat
Lewzy!: uh
James: we'll make it when you come over, + have other stuff
James: baconlattace burger
Lewzy!: why would i choose something i would never eat
Lewzy!: NO
Lewzy!: why taint bacon
Lewzy!: bacon bacon burger
Lewzy!: with bread
James: it's just bacon wrapped in bacon
James: or rather
James: woven
Lewzy!: rofl
James: I wrote this thing for livejournal, earlier
James: was gonna post it private, in case she saw it
James: but thought fuck it
Lewzy!: :c
James: part of me hopes she does
James: http://feelafraidcomic.com/?p=257
James: oh god
James: I was raging about this earlier
Lewzy!: as soon as you see the "it "
Lewzy!: gameboy out the window
James: even worse
James: it used the same goddamn 6 words initially when it finally STOPS being confused
Lewzy!: rofl
James: http://i.imgur.com/mMXxE.jpg
Lewzy!: lol WHAT
James: this comic is outstanding
James: hey dude?
Lewzy!: hey
Lewzy!: dude
James: this feeling like being on the pit of despair
James: it stops eventually, right?
Lewzy!: implying ive been through a breakup
James: implying you've been a shitty time at some stage or another in your life
James: been through*
Lewzy!: yeah everything works out
James: ok
James: that sounds nice
James: I just wish it would hurry up a little
Lewzy!: you'll be fine bro
James: dad kept talking to me when I was down home
James: I swear to god, I have never repressed as many tears as that evening
James: CRYING IN FRONT OF FATHER
James: ER NO.
Lewzy!: son i am disapoint
James: he kept going on about how obviously in love we both were when she was here, how you could see it
James: and I'm like
James: jesus dad, you're killing me here
Lewzy!: THANKS DAD
Lewzy!: THAT HELPS
James: i got what he meant by it
James: I wish I could sleep normally without stupid tablets
James: or look at girls and see tits and shit, as opposed to a massive block of guilt
Lewzy!: :c
James: or you know
James: function as a normal human being for a day or two to get my shit together
Lewzy!: man the fuck up
James: I cannot
James: everything
James: dude I gave her everything
James: and she tore it pieces
Lewzy!: when life gives you lemons
Lewzy!: FUCK LEMONS
James: I appreciate it
James: but ar he minte I do'nt even KNWO who or what I am anymore
James: I was soething
James: someone
Lewzy!: sec, translating that from irish to english
James: wrongt ranslater node
Lewzy!: BUT AR HE MINTE POTATOES
James: slightly hihj =:> english
James: fuck sake
James: most of that was nonsense
James: but it made so much more sense in my head
James: I just need to get it out of there as quickly as possible
James: I need to know
James: how I feel
James: I need to know if I still can
Lewzy!: just dont skype me again that was awkward
James: ok :(
James: your loss like
James: DUDE
Lewzy!: what!
James: I need to focus'#
James: on what the
James: this
James: pro tip
James: never take prescription meds
Lewzy!: i dont intend to
James: they fuck you up so fast
James: 20 mins ago
James: OK
James: OK
James: ok
James: I am alone
James: my heart has been beaten, thrown unceremounously to the side, having had its use spent
James: it is there
James: but there's nothing I can do to fix it
James: I need help
James: i need help
James: I need help
Lewzy!: quit the pills and go see that shink again
James: you mskr an assumption as to the number of pills
James: always only 1
James: within guidelines
James: they blur the by-lines
James: making it easier to conprehend what my head is feeling
Lewzy!: you're avoiding it, stop taking those so you dont have to deal with it
James: there's
James: it's up here
James: on th etop
James: sun of a bitch it was on the TOP
James: lording it over me
James: bringing fear anddeaedth a misery and sasadness
James: i won't hold for it
James: i refuse to have my heart be tarried more by these cunts
James: this is my heart
James: it always was
James: and I want it back please
James: I want it back and I want it back without pain
James: please
James: it's NOT HERS
James: it's MINE
James: and I want it back
James: I want
James: to feel complete
James: I want to feel like when I wake ip in the morning that tis' me that has woken up
James: I have died
James: this can be the only explanation
James: so what is there in its space?
Lewzy!: they dont have steam in heaven
Lewzy!: or if they do they better have a fast as fuck internet connection
James: yes
James: yes
James: YES
James: there will be a steam in heaven
Lewzy!: none of this 300kbs crap
James: but right now we need to sort some other shit out
James: we
James: I
James: whichever appeals to yuou
James: I think I need to go and experience a large amount/volume of narcottics that would cause me to have these kidna feelings right out the bat
Lewzy!: first things
Lewzy!: you need to start going to class again
Lewzy!: no excuses
James: she was my excuse to go
James: and now I have no excuse to goooooooooooooo
James: fuck I'm glad you're not on skype
Lewzy!: i'd be telling you to shut the fuck up, you're going there for yourself, not her
James: but I don't know if I can'#
James: I don't think I'm cabable of this stuff
James: it's above me
Lewzy!: you dont KNOW, you dont THINK you can
James: THAT'S A BIG THING RIGHT NOW
Lewzy!: if you're not gonna fucking try why should i bother
James: why should anyone bother for me
James: noeone shoud
Lewzy!: because you're my friend
James: hoky fuck
James: I need a minute
James: sorry
Lewzy!: why
James: because you saying you're my friend has literally left me in tears
James: and I do'nt know hwo to deal eith
James: with this #asslll
James: I just constantly have felt like I've been on my own for the last 3 weeks
James: been so lonely
James: just felt so alone
Lewzy!: thats normal, man
James: to have 5 years of someone that close to me
James: and then she's not there
James: and we can't even talk because it's too hard on both of us
James: and now
James: WHAT
James: WHAT DO I FUCKING DO
James: ALL I HAVE LEFT
James: IS BROKEN HEART AND A CRIPPLING FEAR OF SELF-DOUBT
Lewzy!: caps lock
James: this is the end of a relationship
James: and this is what I have to pay for
James: and I get stiffed with the bill
Lewzy!: don't tip the waiter
James: is the waiter her father?
James: GEE IT'D BE NICE TO FUCKING MEET HIM FOR ONCE
Lewzy!: i dont want to answer that
James: this is quite obviously a drug enduced spiral of depression
Lewzy!: you sound more angry than depressed
James: but I cannot put into works how good/good is a bad word to use but it works/ I felt when you said you were my friend
James: it's like a ladder appears out of nowhere in those animes and the dude is carried out of volcanoe
James: or wherever
James: I just want you to know how much your calling yoruself my friend means to me
Lewzy!: dude you know im your friend
James: no I didn't
James: I knew we were these two guys that dick around on the internet because it's funny and because we have a similar type of friendly bantar
James: I didn't know if you were my friend or not
Lewzy!: how can you not think that, man
Lewzy!: ive spoken to you almost everyday for fucking 3 years or something
James: CLAIRE SPOKE TO ME FOR ALMOST 5 YEARS
Lewzy!: SHUT THE FUCK UP
James: and now the sight of here
Lewzy!: THIS IS ABOUT BROS
James: upi
James: upir
James: you're right sorry
James: I'll shut up
Lewzy!: okay good
Lewzy!: i didnt mean litterally
James: o sorry
James: thought you were like
James: going to say something
Lewzy!: er
Lewzy!: rofl
James: maybe there's something to getting stoned
James: http://tjay616.livejournal.com/
James: latest
Lewzy!: i read it
James: was written before sleeping meds were taken
James: I think I could have put it more elouently, but it's fine I guess
Lewzy!: yeah
James: I'm not going over-board with this, I promise, and I'm not looking for pity or shit
James: but I'm fucking glad you're my friend
James: even if right now I'm hanging on by my teeth for most things, it's good to know I know the person who'se hand is at my face level
Lewzy!: you know im your friend man
James: 2 weeks ago I "knew" that Claire and I were fucking best buddies en route to have awesome sex in Scotland
James: then we're not and I appear to be missing a lot of things
James: including my brain for a while
Lewzy!: :C
James: people make these ridiculously gradeoise gestures, talking about how they love one person from now until tht end of time t c etc
James: and I got sucked in
James: she was obviously the one
James: my perfect
James: fit
James: could want of nothing else
James: I was happy with her
James: however you want to disect that or try to explain it
James: while with her, I was happy
James: I think maybe that was what is making it so hard to accept
James: she became what I drew happiness from
James: and then she just closes up shop some evening
James: no sex
James: no hugs
James: no kissing
James: warm hand of friendshipin return
James: and we both know that is bullshit
James: that isn't right
Lewzy!: yeah thats not fair
James: she had already fallen out of love with me
James: she didn't
James: doesn't
James: have to go through this with such greater effect
James: she wasn't the one that had her heart destroyed/pounded/beaton
James: so she comes out of it feeling guilty leaving me in this mess
James: what should I be feeling rihgt now?
James: if I had a ball-park idea
James: it would help to temper myself to reality
Lewzy!: i dont know man
James: I miss her to the point of tears
James: I hope you're keeping this chat log
James: it will be worth millions to justin beibers song writing team
Lewzy!: hahaha
James: I just
James: feel so lonely
James: and shit
James: and cannot be bothered doing anything in the slightest
James: anyway, thank you
James: and sorry for moaning
Lewzy!: lol its fine
James: you have no idea how surreal talking to you earlier was like
James: I had a youtube video on
James: but it was on full
James: and I'd paused it at this black part
James: just pitch blackness
James: and then just this chat box
James: looked like it was swimming
James: felt so hard to put my words down
Lewzy!: rofl
Lewzy!: what
James: I don't know |:
James: felt like I was tripping balls
James: feeling a bit better though
Lewzy!: good!
James: I'm just not sure why or how
Lewzy!: does it matter?
James: i guess not
James: but I'd like to know why I'm feeling better
Lewzy!: http://images.4chan.org/b/src/1299720603226.jpg
James: hey
James: pick an obscenely gross thing that you would really never normally not eat
Lewzy!: uh
James: we'll make it when you come over, + have other stuff
James: baconlattace burger
Lewzy!: why would i choose something i would never eat
Lewzy!: NO
Lewzy!: why taint bacon
Lewzy!: bacon bacon burger
Lewzy!: with bread
James: it's just bacon wrapped in bacon
James: or rather
James: woven
Lewzy!: rofl