White Collar - "The Secret Of Hubert Pretzelman"
Title: The Secret Of Hubert Pretzelman
Authors: afiawri & tj_teejay
Genre: Gen
Characters/Pairings: Neal, Peter, Diana, Jones
Rating: PG
Summary: The cat is out of the bag. Neal Caffrey is really called Hubert Pretzelman. Now you'll get to find out why.
Author's Note: This is a follow-up to my drabble "Best Guarded Secret" (I strongly recommended to read it, otherwise this probably won't make sense). A few people asked me to also write Neal's 'explaining', and I couldn't resist. Most of the dialogue is afiawri's original reponse to my challenge to write a drabble about Hubert Pretzelman. Of course I'm posting this with her permission. I guess this also kinda explains why Peter couldn't find any information about Neal from before his 18th birthday. And now... enjoy the story of Hubert Pretzelman.
Also, thanks for the quick beta-read, afiawri!
Disclaimer: White Collar, its characters and its settings belong to Jeff Eastin and USA Network. And, guys? Your characters are not only welcome, they're wonderful. I'm just borrowing, I promise.
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Files were strewn on the conference table, Diana's eyes were glued to an article about their intended target. Peter was leafing through credit card receipts and phone logs, but his mind was elsewhere. He couldn't wrap his head around what had just transpired.
Neal Caffrey had conned them again. Peter would have to lie, however, if he hadn't taken a kind of twisted pleasure in the look on Neal's face upon entering the White Collar office and seeing his parents there.
Neal had given Peter a pleading look (one that screamed Help me!), but Peter had just given him a good natured clap on the shoulder and told him to go take his parents out for coffee or something. Neal hadn't been seen since.
Now, over an hour later, Peter saw Neal entering the glass doors to the bullpen. Alone. He came walking straight into the conference room.
Peter smiled a wistful, somewhat mischievous smile. No one but him and Bottler knew yet, though there had been whispered rumors going around. This would be fun.
"The prodigal son returns," Peter quipped. "So..."
"Don't, Peter," Neal said threateningly.
"Hubert..." Peter teased.
"I'm serious, don't you-" Neal's eyes spelled if looks could kill.
Diana glanced between them. "Hubert?"
"... Pretzelman," Peter finished.
Diana looked at them blankly for a moment. "Our susp-? Oh." A wide grin blossomed over her face.
And then, unbelievably, Jones was blowing in with a file, "Peter we have to-"
Peter was still grinning stupidly. "Jones, meet-"
"Peter!" Neal cut in.
Diana finished for him, "Hubert Pretzelman."
"That's a really horrible choice for an alias," Jones said, quite serious.
Neal winced. This was going to be a nightmare. "Or for a child."
"I thought the guy's name-"
"We all thought his name was Neal," Diana said pointedly.
"Oh." Jones looked at Neal as though assessing whether the name would just slip off him like so much water on a duck. "Hubert Pretzelman?"
"Yeah."
Jones shrugged. "Sounds very 20's. Fits."
"Fits?" Neal asked incredulously. "Fits?! Seriously?! It is the dorkiest, most ridiculous name out there on the planet!"
"Which is why you're now going by Neal Caffrey?" Peter asked.
Neal sighed. "Would you want to be called Hubert Pretzelman?"
Peter shrugged. "I like Peter Burke just fine."
"Yeah," Neal sighed again, "So would I. Anything but-"
"Hubert Pretzelman," Jones cut in, now grinning too. He looked at Peter and Diana in turn, then at Neal. "So, what are we supposed to call you now? Huby? Bert? Bertie?"
Neal glowered at them. "Don't you dare!"
Peter sobered for a moment. "So, just how legitimate an alias is Neal Caffrey? Do we need to look into social security fraud here? Passport forgery? Maybe a little identity theft?"
"No, Peter, it's not like that. It's all legal, I swear. My mother's maiden name is Caffrey. Neal is my middle name. I had it changed and registered. You can check with the authorities in Spring, Texas."
Diana muttered under her breath, "Hubert Neal Caffrey-Pretzelman. Nice."
"Wait a minute," Peter asked, now curious. "You grew up in Texas? How come you don't have an accent?"
It was then that Neal put on his best native Texan accent, "Well, y'all ain't gonna believe that there's sump'n called speech trainin'."
It left the three FBI agents open-mouthed and speechless.
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THE END.
Authors: afiawri & tj_teejay
Genre: Gen
Characters/Pairings: Neal, Peter, Diana, Jones
Rating: PG
Summary: The cat is out of the bag. Neal Caffrey is really called Hubert Pretzelman. Now you'll get to find out why.
Author's Note: This is a follow-up to my drabble "Best Guarded Secret" (I strongly recommended to read it, otherwise this probably won't make sense). A few people asked me to also write Neal's 'explaining', and I couldn't resist. Most of the dialogue is afiawri's original reponse to my challenge to write a drabble about Hubert Pretzelman. Of course I'm posting this with her permission. I guess this also kinda explains why Peter couldn't find any information about Neal from before his 18th birthday. And now... enjoy the story of Hubert Pretzelman.
Also, thanks for the quick beta-read, afiawri!
Disclaimer: White Collar, its characters and its settings belong to Jeff Eastin and USA Network. And, guys? Your characters are not only welcome, they're wonderful. I'm just borrowing, I promise.
+-+-+-+-+
Files were strewn on the conference table, Diana's eyes were glued to an article about their intended target. Peter was leafing through credit card receipts and phone logs, but his mind was elsewhere. He couldn't wrap his head around what had just transpired.
Neal Caffrey had conned them again. Peter would have to lie, however, if he hadn't taken a kind of twisted pleasure in the look on Neal's face upon entering the White Collar office and seeing his parents there.
Neal had given Peter a pleading look (one that screamed Help me!), but Peter had just given him a good natured clap on the shoulder and told him to go take his parents out for coffee or something. Neal hadn't been seen since.
Now, over an hour later, Peter saw Neal entering the glass doors to the bullpen. Alone. He came walking straight into the conference room.
Peter smiled a wistful, somewhat mischievous smile. No one but him and Bottler knew yet, though there had been whispered rumors going around. This would be fun.
"The prodigal son returns," Peter quipped. "So..."
"Don't, Peter," Neal said threateningly.
"Hubert..." Peter teased.
"I'm serious, don't you-" Neal's eyes spelled if looks could kill.
Diana glanced between them. "Hubert?"
"... Pretzelman," Peter finished.
Diana looked at them blankly for a moment. "Our susp-? Oh." A wide grin blossomed over her face.
And then, unbelievably, Jones was blowing in with a file, "Peter we have to-"
Peter was still grinning stupidly. "Jones, meet-"
"Peter!" Neal cut in.
Diana finished for him, "Hubert Pretzelman."
"That's a really horrible choice for an alias," Jones said, quite serious.
Neal winced. This was going to be a nightmare. "Or for a child."
"I thought the guy's name-"
"We all thought his name was Neal," Diana said pointedly.
"Oh." Jones looked at Neal as though assessing whether the name would just slip off him like so much water on a duck. "Hubert Pretzelman?"
"Yeah."
Jones shrugged. "Sounds very 20's. Fits."
"Fits?" Neal asked incredulously. "Fits?! Seriously?! It is the dorkiest, most ridiculous name out there on the planet!"
"Which is why you're now going by Neal Caffrey?" Peter asked.
Neal sighed. "Would you want to be called Hubert Pretzelman?"
Peter shrugged. "I like Peter Burke just fine."
"Yeah," Neal sighed again, "So would I. Anything but-"
"Hubert Pretzelman," Jones cut in, now grinning too. He looked at Peter and Diana in turn, then at Neal. "So, what are we supposed to call you now? Huby? Bert? Bertie?"
Neal glowered at them. "Don't you dare!"
Peter sobered for a moment. "So, just how legitimate an alias is Neal Caffrey? Do we need to look into social security fraud here? Passport forgery? Maybe a little identity theft?"
"No, Peter, it's not like that. It's all legal, I swear. My mother's maiden name is Caffrey. Neal is my middle name. I had it changed and registered. You can check with the authorities in Spring, Texas."
Diana muttered under her breath, "Hubert Neal Caffrey-Pretzelman. Nice."
"Wait a minute," Peter asked, now curious. "You grew up in Texas? How come you don't have an accent?"
It was then that Neal put on his best native Texan accent, "Well, y'all ain't gonna believe that there's sump'n called speech trainin'."
It left the three FBI agents open-mouthed and speechless.
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THE END.