[Fic] The Indirect Direct Approach (KakaYama)
Title: The Indirect Direct Approach
Author: TJ Dragonblade
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: KakaYama
Rated: 17+
Word Count: ~1030
Warnings: M/M, language, alcohol
Notes: From this prompt on the TextsFromLastNight meme. Standard disclaimer about humor not being my forte.
Summary: A very drunk Kakashi enlists help to proposition Yamato.
Crossposted: kakayama ~ chuunin ~ narutoyaoi
(On AO3)
~~~***~~~
"Yo, Sai~!"
Sai looked to where Kakashi was waving him over, a happy smile creasing up the one visible eye, and made his way from the door across the dimly-lit bar to his team leader. "Kakashi-senpai," he greeted, respectful and perhaps a little uncertain. This close, he could also see the blush of substantial alcohol consumption faintly evident above the edge of Kakashi's mask.
"Sai~!" Kakashi exclaimed again, sing-song, making his name sound like something bright and lightweight and happy, as if there should be a little heart written after it. "Am I gladj're here!" He set a nearly-empty glass on the table, the heavy thump it made disproportionate to the amount of liquid remaining inside it, and fixed Sai with a weighty one-eyed gaze. "I nee' you t' d'liver a message for me."
"Alright." Sai had come to the bar as a foray into social studies, to observe people interacting with one another, but if Kakashi needed a message relayed then duty superseded his recreational research.
"I nee' you t' take a message t' Yamato, over there," Kakashi slurred, pointing, and Sai turned to see Yamato hunched over the bar proper, staring pensively into his drink. He frowned slightly, because it struck him as odd that Kakashi would request that he relay a message perhaps fifteen meters across the room rather than walking over to speak to Yamato himself, but he didn't question. "Tell him...tell 'im, 'I wanna poun' you from behin' over a table at th' bar while I pull your hair an' call you a whore.' Tell him that."
Sai blinked.
He was very sure the message he'd been requested to relay was a sexual overture, and he was fairly certain that such overtures were usually made in person, in relative private, not via a third party.
He tilted his head slightly, regarding Kakashi and trying to evaluate the severity of his intoxication. "Would it not be more...appropriate--" because people were repeatedly cautioning him to consider whether his words and thoughts were 'appropriate' before acting "--if you told him this yourself?"
Kakashi looked thoughtful, then shook his head. "He won' take me s'riously if I tell 'im myself. But he'll lis'en t' you."
That made a certain measure of sense, and if Kakashi had decided this way was best, it was not Sai's place to argue regardless. "Alright."
He dutifully crossed to the bar and slid onto the stool next to Yamato. "Hello, Yamato-taichou."
"Sai." Yamato turned, blinked, smiled warmly at him. "I didn't expect to see you here. What's up?"
"I have a message for you from Kakashi-senpai."
"Oh?"
"Yes. He asked me to tell you--" Sai paused to recall Kakashi's exact wording. "He would like to pound you from behind over a table here at the bar while he pulls your hair and calls you a whore."
Yamato choked on his drink mid-swallow, coughing madly.
Hesitantly, Sai reached to pat him forcefully on the back, as he'd seen other people do in similar situations.
"He said what?!" Yamato managed, eyes watering as he caught a breath and got the coughing under control.
"He would like to pound you--"
"Yes, I got that, thanks," Yamato interrupted, and Sai concluded that it must have been a rhetorical question.
Yamato turned around to glare at Kakashi across the room. Sai followed suit, his stare mild and somewhat curious.
Kakashi waggled his fingers at them cheerfully, eye curved shut with his bright smile.
Yamato turned back, and again Sai did the same.
After a silent moment that had Sai wondering if he ought to excuse himself, Yamato cleared his throat. "D'you...uh. Do you think he's serious?"
"He seemed to be serious, if quite drunk," Sai said, after a few seconds' careful deliberation.
"Too bad I'm not, yet," Yamato muttered, and swallowed the rest of his drink. "'Cause if I was completely smashed, 'stead of only a little, I'd probably say yes. Even though I'm sure he's teasing."
"He worried that you would not take him seriously if he asked in person, and sent me instead." Sai wasn't sure what prompted him to add that, but it made Yamato frown, looking both disgruntled and thoughtful.
"He did, huh?" Yamato frowned harder, glanced back over his shoulder in Kakashi's direction, then shook his head, eyes turned heavenward for a brief second. "Alright. Fine. I'm prob'ly going to regret this, but." He squeezed his eyes shut, blew out a heavy sigh, opened them again and fixed them on Sai. "Tell him this for me, will you? Tell him--"
Sai listened carefully, then made his way back to Kakashi.
"Well?" The Copy-nin's expression greatly resembled that of a hopeful dog asking to be fed between established mealtimes.
Dutifully, Sai relayed Yamato's answer. "He says that the part about calling him a whore is--" he furrowed his brow, repeated the phrase exactly "--'so not going to happen', but if you ask him yourself when you're sober, you may bend him over any appropriate surface you like at either of your residences."
"Well, then." Kakashi was still quite drunk, but he looked immensely happier than he had when Sai returned. "In tha' case, I guess I bedder sob'r up an' head f'r his place." He rose from his seat, listed a little to the left, and deposited a small handful of coins on the table before patting Sai on the shoulder. "Thangs f'r th' help, Sai. I owe y' one." Smiling brightly behind the mask, hands in his pockets, he turned and slouched out of the bar.
Sai watched him go, somewhat bewildered, strangely curious, and idly hopeful that whatever the two of them decided in the end would resolve the blatant sexual tension they'd been ignoring for so long.
~~~***~~~ Super-Bonus Alternate Mini-Version! ~~~***~~~
"He~ey, Yamato." Anko slid into the seat next to him at the bar, bumped up against him with her shoulder. "Got a message for you from Kakashi. Says he wants to do you over a table, pull your hair, call you a whore while he does it n' such."
Yamato stared, slack-jawed and speechless.
Anko shrugged. "Your decision, n' all, but aside from the 'whore' bit it sounds like good times to me." She paused, tipped Yamato's mouth gently closed with a finger under his chin, then brightened. "Hey, if you tell 'im yes, can I get in on that action, too?"
=====
Drafted: 10/2/12
Anon-posted: 10/2/12
Posted: 10/30/12
Author: TJ Dragonblade
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: KakaYama
Rated: 17+
Word Count: ~1030
Warnings: M/M, language, alcohol
Notes: From this prompt on the TextsFromLastNight meme. Standard disclaimer about humor not being my forte.
Summary: A very drunk Kakashi enlists help to proposition Yamato.
Crossposted: kakayama ~ chuunin ~ narutoyaoi
(On AO3)
~~~***~~~
"Yo, Sai~!"
Sai looked to where Kakashi was waving him over, a happy smile creasing up the one visible eye, and made his way from the door across the dimly-lit bar to his team leader. "Kakashi-senpai," he greeted, respectful and perhaps a little uncertain. This close, he could also see the blush of substantial alcohol consumption faintly evident above the edge of Kakashi's mask.
"Sai~!" Kakashi exclaimed again, sing-song, making his name sound like something bright and lightweight and happy, as if there should be a little heart written after it. "Am I gladj're here!" He set a nearly-empty glass on the table, the heavy thump it made disproportionate to the amount of liquid remaining inside it, and fixed Sai with a weighty one-eyed gaze. "I nee' you t' d'liver a message for me."
"Alright." Sai had come to the bar as a foray into social studies, to observe people interacting with one another, but if Kakashi needed a message relayed then duty superseded his recreational research.
"I nee' you t' take a message t' Yamato, over there," Kakashi slurred, pointing, and Sai turned to see Yamato hunched over the bar proper, staring pensively into his drink. He frowned slightly, because it struck him as odd that Kakashi would request that he relay a message perhaps fifteen meters across the room rather than walking over to speak to Yamato himself, but he didn't question. "Tell him...tell 'im, 'I wanna poun' you from behin' over a table at th' bar while I pull your hair an' call you a whore.' Tell him that."
Sai blinked.
He was very sure the message he'd been requested to relay was a sexual overture, and he was fairly certain that such overtures were usually made in person, in relative private, not via a third party.
He tilted his head slightly, regarding Kakashi and trying to evaluate the severity of his intoxication. "Would it not be more...appropriate--" because people were repeatedly cautioning him to consider whether his words and thoughts were 'appropriate' before acting "--if you told him this yourself?"
Kakashi looked thoughtful, then shook his head. "He won' take me s'riously if I tell 'im myself. But he'll lis'en t' you."
That made a certain measure of sense, and if Kakashi had decided this way was best, it was not Sai's place to argue regardless. "Alright."
He dutifully crossed to the bar and slid onto the stool next to Yamato. "Hello, Yamato-taichou."
"Sai." Yamato turned, blinked, smiled warmly at him. "I didn't expect to see you here. What's up?"
"I have a message for you from Kakashi-senpai."
"Oh?"
"Yes. He asked me to tell you--" Sai paused to recall Kakashi's exact wording. "He would like to pound you from behind over a table here at the bar while he pulls your hair and calls you a whore."
Yamato choked on his drink mid-swallow, coughing madly.
Hesitantly, Sai reached to pat him forcefully on the back, as he'd seen other people do in similar situations.
"He said what?!" Yamato managed, eyes watering as he caught a breath and got the coughing under control.
"He would like to pound you--"
"Yes, I got that, thanks," Yamato interrupted, and Sai concluded that it must have been a rhetorical question.
Yamato turned around to glare at Kakashi across the room. Sai followed suit, his stare mild and somewhat curious.
Kakashi waggled his fingers at them cheerfully, eye curved shut with his bright smile.
Yamato turned back, and again Sai did the same.
After a silent moment that had Sai wondering if he ought to excuse himself, Yamato cleared his throat. "D'you...uh. Do you think he's serious?"
"He seemed to be serious, if quite drunk," Sai said, after a few seconds' careful deliberation.
"Too bad I'm not, yet," Yamato muttered, and swallowed the rest of his drink. "'Cause if I was completely smashed, 'stead of only a little, I'd probably say yes. Even though I'm sure he's teasing."
"He worried that you would not take him seriously if he asked in person, and sent me instead." Sai wasn't sure what prompted him to add that, but it made Yamato frown, looking both disgruntled and thoughtful.
"He did, huh?" Yamato frowned harder, glanced back over his shoulder in Kakashi's direction, then shook his head, eyes turned heavenward for a brief second. "Alright. Fine. I'm prob'ly going to regret this, but." He squeezed his eyes shut, blew out a heavy sigh, opened them again and fixed them on Sai. "Tell him this for me, will you? Tell him--"
Sai listened carefully, then made his way back to Kakashi.
"Well?" The Copy-nin's expression greatly resembled that of a hopeful dog asking to be fed between established mealtimes.
Dutifully, Sai relayed Yamato's answer. "He says that the part about calling him a whore is--" he furrowed his brow, repeated the phrase exactly "--'so not going to happen', but if you ask him yourself when you're sober, you may bend him over any appropriate surface you like at either of your residences."
"Well, then." Kakashi was still quite drunk, but he looked immensely happier than he had when Sai returned. "In tha' case, I guess I bedder sob'r up an' head f'r his place." He rose from his seat, listed a little to the left, and deposited a small handful of coins on the table before patting Sai on the shoulder. "Thangs f'r th' help, Sai. I owe y' one." Smiling brightly behind the mask, hands in his pockets, he turned and slouched out of the bar.
Sai watched him go, somewhat bewildered, strangely curious, and idly hopeful that whatever the two of them decided in the end would resolve the blatant sexual tension they'd been ignoring for so long.
~~~***~~~ Super-Bonus Alternate Mini-Version! ~~~***~~~
"He~ey, Yamato." Anko slid into the seat next to him at the bar, bumped up against him with her shoulder. "Got a message for you from Kakashi. Says he wants to do you over a table, pull your hair, call you a whore while he does it n' such."
Yamato stared, slack-jawed and speechless.
Anko shrugged. "Your decision, n' all, but aside from the 'whore' bit it sounds like good times to me." She paused, tipped Yamato's mouth gently closed with a finger under his chin, then brightened. "Hey, if you tell 'im yes, can I get in on that action, too?"
=====
Drafted: 10/2/12
Anon-posted: 10/2/12
Posted: 10/30/12