fucking up
I really seemed to fuck my life up more than I wanted to, Not that anyone would like to do it. Not only did I screw over myself by getting into a total gay assed fight with my best friend. My bf for like 2 weeks out of NO were was like Im having problems I dont think we should go out. so to make me feel more worthless.. and more depressed and more not worth living... the most wonderful thing in my life right now that ACTUALLY KEPT me happy... dumps me? because he has fucking problems..So now Im just trying to figure out what I did and try to make myself not feel worthless and slutty for letting him touch me and kiss me. But its failing. My ex bf likes to tell me about his gf that he dumped me for because.. he quote " wasnt feeling me anymore" and still loves me? even tho I knew it was coming and it was going to be that girl it was a two year relationship... I miss Jenica and I dont wanna back down and just be like OOOOH IM OK WITH EVERYTHING but I wanna all at the same time... I almost died today coming home from work and in the 5 seconds my brakes failed... I PRAYED for my nice little death be explosion.. or somthing good. Somthing fast and easy. but my stupid brakes that mom had to put on a little ago so I didnt die. I cant even explain how just... a piece a used gum I feel like.. all I say in my head is.. WHAT DID I DO!? what did I do?...what?...and it seems heather was mad at me and shes probably not. but who knows? I am just saying Im sorry to whoever I hurt. and whatever I did to u.. not matter what. Im sorry and I wont be on for a while. I wont be anywhere...but work and asleep. bye