Oct 14, 2006 19:41
Currently: i want to light up and smoke in my room.
say i had my own room in a place for me.
i want to live in a place where i can be myself.
i want to make my life happen for me.
i want to stop feeling down and socially rejected.
sure, i may be accepted into society but it doesn't seem to be in a way that is true to myself.
i do experience a lot of psychological terrorism. the cause unknown to myself.
i feel it consumes me and that i am unable to exist as a carefree sort of person.
i humiliate myself by attempting to keep in touch with any given person.
i am going to take a pill now and hopefully feel better. although the dire state i am in requires far more care and attention then a bottle of pills[i don't mean taking all pills at once].
i hear laughter. i hear stories of success. i hear friends talking. i feel excitement in the air yet do not feel a part of any of it.
why can't i exist.
the long stretches of silent boredom and the brief awakenings that leave me desperate for life.