RP: The One That Counts
Title: The One That Counts
Author:
titti
Character: Bucky/Steve
Rating: G
Summary: With the multiverse open, Steve leaves Bucky five times and the one time he doesn't
Notes: Written for
lionessvalenti for the Little Black Dress Flash 2020 challenge at the Archive of Our Own!
The One That Starts it
Bucky knows the moment that Steve leaves that he's not coming back. The words are stuck in his mouth. He tries to warn Sam, he really does, but if he spells it out, then it becomes real and that might just kill him.
He can't imagine a world without Steve. Until the end of time, but time hasn't ended and now he's meant to survive without Steve at his side.
Steve returns, but he's old. Bucky doesn't even want to ask how many lives he's lived to get that old with the serum. Steve must know how he feels, because he only talks to Sam, passes on the shield and then he's gone again.
It hurts in ways Bucky can't even explain, because as much as he didn't want to talk to Steve, the idea of him leaving without a word feels like utter loss. Bucky is used to loss. He pretends that everything is all right, and then he gets ready to follow Sam, the new Captain America, but it won't be the same, because Bucky never followed the shield, but that boy from Brooklyn with the bright blue eyes that spoke of courage and clear skies.
That One That Surprises
Bucky is surprised when another Steve arrives. He talks about multiverse, multiple realities, different decisions and split moments in time. He's still young and well built, full of life and with the biggest smile on his face. He talks to Sam and the other Avengers and then he finds Bucky.
"I have to go back," Steve says as they walk side by side.
"I didn't think you'd come back," Bucky admits. He doesn't understand this multiverse and he never expected a second Steve to return. Pym explained that it's not a second Steve, just another version who must have made a different decision that created a new reality. Bucky has no idea what any of that means in practical terms and thinking about it makes his head hurts. He's a soldier. Point and shoot is what he does best. Complicated multidimensional existence is not his thing. "Actually, you didn't the first time."
"That wasn't me," Steve answers.
"It felt like you." Because it didn't matter that Steve was old, he still felt like Bucky's Steve. "So why are you going back?"
"Something I did, I'm not sure, but Hydra took control a lot sooner. It's barely 1961 and Nazis are threatening to take over America. I can't let it happen." This is his Steve, too; full of conviction and ready to take on the fight to protect the weak.
"I could come with you," Bucky suggests.
Steve shakes his head. "You can't. There's a Bucky there, and something about temporal distortions. I'm not even sure I understand it, but it wouldn't end well."
"Will he help you?" Bucky asks.
Steve smiles brightly. "He will. We're working together."
It's not perfect, but Bucky smiles back. "Good, someone will be there to watch your punky ass.
"And what an ass," Steve answers grinning.
Bucky snorts despite himself. "You're an ass. Now, go before I keep you here."
The One That Brings Resignation
He should have known that Steve was a stubborn ass when he wanted to. His entire life is proof that he simply can't sit back and enjoy life, and yet Bucky is taken aback when a third version of Steve arrives and proclaims that he simply must go back.
"So what's going on this time?" Bucky is already resigned that Steve is leaving. He's not sure if it hurts less or more with each new version, because while he's getting used to it, he's also reminded that he will always come second to Steve.
"I went back in time and instead of finding what I expected, the Nazi had won World War Two. It's a total mess, Bucky. No SHIELD, no Howard, no Peggy, no anything. I had to go and find them. We started a resistance group on American soil."
Bucky nods. "Need any help?" It's a stupid question, because he knows the answer, but it still hurts when it comes.
"You can't. I found you, the other you. It was the first thing I did after Howard came up with a way for us to fly without being detected. Pretty neat technology. Nothing comparable to the quinjet, but still impressive for the time."
"No T'Challa and Shuri to help him," Bucky points out.
"No, but I have Howard. He'd good, better than good when he wants to be, not that I'm telling Tony that. And there's Natasha. She and I… she got tired of setting me up with other people and decided that no one else is stubborn enough to date me," Steve says with a grin that fades away quickly. "I'll miss you."
"I already do," Bucky answers with honesty, while he pointedly doesn't think about Natasha and Steve.
"You'll be all right," Steve said with conviction.
"Of course, punk." The lie comes easy, because he doesn't want to worry Steve. Steve has a job to do and he can't worry about someone in another reality.
"Take care, jerk." Steve squeezes his shoulder and leaves.
The stab of pain assaults him for an instant and he know that it won't be the last time.
That One That Shutters Expectations
Another week, another Steve. It's the fourth one. He looks just like he did when he left, but apparently he'd lived a full life in some alternate reality. Bucky is fine with that. He tells himself that he doesn't mind that Steve has found his forever with Peggy, except that this Steve is different.
"So you aren't together? Really?" He half expects Natasha's name to come up again, and he really doesn't want to think about it.
Steve shook his head. "I know what I thought, what we all thought. We did give it a try, you know, but I guess there were so many expectations that it never really worked out."
"And now you're saving the world again alone," Bucky said, because he can't make himself ask.
"Not alone. I have the Avengers with me, and you're with me." He ducks his head in that stupidly hot way of his, when he looks shy and 'oh shuck, how could this possibly happen to me?'. "I'm dating someone. You know her. Or this version of her. Sharon… Sharon Carter."
Bucky raises his eyebrows. He didn't expect that. "You're dating Peggy's niece. That takes-."
Steve interrupts. "It felt right. Peggy understands."
Bucky wants to ask if his counterpart understands, but he doesn't. He smiles at Steve and he says, "I hope you're very happy for a long time." It's true, or mostly true. Each new version shows him just how much he cares for Steve and each new possible reality shows him how much he wants to be the girl that gets Steve Rogers.
The One With A Twist
"Oh look, it's you again. It must be Tuesday," Bucky said with a grin when he meets the fifth version of Steve.
"Too many of me?" Steve asks with a grin.
"Only five, but there are never too many of you," Bucky answers.
"I know, all realities need Captain America," Steve says.
Bucky shakes his head. "No, not Captain America. I mean it's always nice to have a super soldier around to save the day, but there are plenty of super heroes around. Don't you know? They keep popping up lately. No, the world, this reality, any reality is better with Steve Rogers around. But you're not staying, are you? You gotta save a world with less super heroes, or more Nazis, or something."
Steve chuckles. "Or something. But yes, there are less superheroes, and… I've been seeing someone recently."
"Let me guess, Sharon Carter," Bucky says a little smug.
"Sharon? Peggy's niece? Heck, no," Steve answers. His face clearly says that anyone coming up with that idea insane. "Why would you even say that?"
"Hey pal, don't blame me. You're the one dating her in some reality. Speak to… well you," Bucky said with a chuckle.
"That 'Me' must have lost his mind, but no, it's not her."
There is a brief hesitation that makes Bucky worry, so he smiles at his friends. "Whoever she is, I'm sure she's great."
"It's not a 'she'," Steve says with uncharacteristic shyness. "I hope you're okay with it."
"Tell me it's not Tony," Bucky answers, because it's easier to joke than to think about the fact that Steve is dating a man. It was bad enough when Bucky thought that he couldn't have Steve because he was straight. It's unbearable now.
Steve laughed. "No, it's not Tony. It's Loki."
"What the-"
"Long story. Really long story," Steve says. "He's different now."
"Not homicidal you mean?" Bucky asks, because he's temporarily distracted from his own pain by the fact that Steve is dating an (formerly) evil demigod.
"For starters. He's changed and he understands what it's like to live for a very long time and not be as vulnerable as others. I didn't think possible, but it works."
Bucky nods as if he understands, - he doesn't - but there's nothing he can do. "At least he'll keep you safe." Thank God for small favors.
"He does. Keeping him safe from the rest of you isn't as easy," he said, chuckling.
"Well, tell him that he'll have to answer to me if he doesn't." It's an empty threat, but it makes Steve's smile. Bucky calls it a win and ignores the pain he feels when Steve leaves again.
The One that Counts
Bucky is at home. He's rented a new apartment in Brooklyn. Not downtown where they used to live, because sometimes since the war, their shitty neighborhood has turned into the most expensive in the city, even more expensive than Manhattan. His mother would laugh her ass off if she knew.
The apartment is all the way in Gerritsen Beach, with little public transportation, but lots of Italian and Irish Catholics. He rents the upstairs of a two family house. The landlord, Joe, lives downstairs with his very loud family. The many churches chime their bells at the same time on Sunday morning, and it feels like being back home in a strange way.
When there's a knock on the door, he goes to open, assuming that it's one of Joe's kids again. They love finding excuses to come and see his arm. He hates it, but never stops them. He opens the door and smiles. "Steve, come in. So how long are you staying?"
Steve frowns. "Why? Am I going anywhere?"
Bucky tilts his head. "You've seen Pym, right? Or Romanoff? Or anyone?"
Steve nods. "I saw Sam. I told him about the problems I had coming back. It didn't work, so I had to find Howard to help me out and somehow when I arrived, instead of the same day, it was almost three months later. I'm sorry you worried."
Bucky stares, willing himself to breathe again. Steve is back. "Others came back, but they left."
Steve smiles at him brightly. "Then you should have known that it wasn't me. We're stuck together. Until the end of the line, remember?"
"I… I thought you'd stay there, with Peggy." He tries to hide the pain, but he can't. Hydra would be horrified by how emotional he's being.
"It wasn't my destiny or hers. She's married and happy and I belong here."
Bucky sits on the couch, because he's not sure he can stand anymore and simply stares at Steve.
"Are you okay, Bucky?" Steve asks.
"I'm not sure. I keep losing you. I barely found you and I keep losing you, and you dated Peggy, Sharon and Natasha, and if you tell me that you want Loki, I will hurt you." He's not making sense, but how do you explain being gutted out every time a new version showed up and left?
Steve sits next to Bucky and puts a hand on Bucky's knee. "It wasn't me, Bucky. Peggy will always have a place in my heart, but we weren't meant to be. And Loki? Really? Actually all those options seem pretty terrible."
"You do have bad taste in women.. and men. I didn't even know. We've known each other all our lives and I didn't know," he says, sounding a little lost.
"If it helps, I didn't know either until I went back," Steve says, suddenly very serious. "I realized that no matter how many things there were to fix, I wanted to come home. To you. I know how crazy this probably sounds, but I needed you to know, and it doesn't have to change anything-."
Bucky shuts him up with a kiss, because everything he's wanted is right here and he needs Steve to know. Five returns and five departures have left him empty inside, but this is the one the one that counts, the one return that matters and that's filling him up with oxygen, hope and love. Maybe he can breathe again.
He pulls back and cups the back of Steve's neck. "You're not leaving me."
Steve shakes his head, smiling. "I'm not leaving you. In fact, I need a place to stay. I was hoping that I could crash with you. I'll take the couch."
"There's a second bedroom… but you can share my room, like we used to. Remember that cold apartment we had, sharing a bed because
"You can stay as long as you want," Bucky says, hoping that it's clear that forever is not long enough.
"I want to stay until the end of the line."
Author:
titti
Character: Bucky/Steve
Rating: G
Summary: With the multiverse open, Steve leaves Bucky five times and the one time he doesn't
Notes: Written for
lionessvalenti for the Little Black Dress Flash 2020 challenge at the Archive of Our Own!
The One That Starts it
Bucky knows the moment that Steve leaves that he's not coming back. The words are stuck in his mouth. He tries to warn Sam, he really does, but if he spells it out, then it becomes real and that might just kill him.
He can't imagine a world without Steve. Until the end of time, but time hasn't ended and now he's meant to survive without Steve at his side.
Steve returns, but he's old. Bucky doesn't even want to ask how many lives he's lived to get that old with the serum. Steve must know how he feels, because he only talks to Sam, passes on the shield and then he's gone again.
It hurts in ways Bucky can't even explain, because as much as he didn't want to talk to Steve, the idea of him leaving without a word feels like utter loss. Bucky is used to loss. He pretends that everything is all right, and then he gets ready to follow Sam, the new Captain America, but it won't be the same, because Bucky never followed the shield, but that boy from Brooklyn with the bright blue eyes that spoke of courage and clear skies.
That One That Surprises
Bucky is surprised when another Steve arrives. He talks about multiverse, multiple realities, different decisions and split moments in time. He's still young and well built, full of life and with the biggest smile on his face. He talks to Sam and the other Avengers and then he finds Bucky.
"I have to go back," Steve says as they walk side by side.
"I didn't think you'd come back," Bucky admits. He doesn't understand this multiverse and he never expected a second Steve to return. Pym explained that it's not a second Steve, just another version who must have made a different decision that created a new reality. Bucky has no idea what any of that means in practical terms and thinking about it makes his head hurts. He's a soldier. Point and shoot is what he does best. Complicated multidimensional existence is not his thing. "Actually, you didn't the first time."
"That wasn't me," Steve answers.
"It felt like you." Because it didn't matter that Steve was old, he still felt like Bucky's Steve. "So why are you going back?"
"Something I did, I'm not sure, but Hydra took control a lot sooner. It's barely 1961 and Nazis are threatening to take over America. I can't let it happen." This is his Steve, too; full of conviction and ready to take on the fight to protect the weak.
"I could come with you," Bucky suggests.
Steve shakes his head. "You can't. There's a Bucky there, and something about temporal distortions. I'm not even sure I understand it, but it wouldn't end well."
"Will he help you?" Bucky asks.
Steve smiles brightly. "He will. We're working together."
It's not perfect, but Bucky smiles back. "Good, someone will be there to watch your punky ass.
"And what an ass," Steve answers grinning.
Bucky snorts despite himself. "You're an ass. Now, go before I keep you here."
The One That Brings Resignation
He should have known that Steve was a stubborn ass when he wanted to. His entire life is proof that he simply can't sit back and enjoy life, and yet Bucky is taken aback when a third version of Steve arrives and proclaims that he simply must go back.
"So what's going on this time?" Bucky is already resigned that Steve is leaving. He's not sure if it hurts less or more with each new version, because while he's getting used to it, he's also reminded that he will always come second to Steve.
"I went back in time and instead of finding what I expected, the Nazi had won World War Two. It's a total mess, Bucky. No SHIELD, no Howard, no Peggy, no anything. I had to go and find them. We started a resistance group on American soil."
Bucky nods. "Need any help?" It's a stupid question, because he knows the answer, but it still hurts when it comes.
"You can't. I found you, the other you. It was the first thing I did after Howard came up with a way for us to fly without being detected. Pretty neat technology. Nothing comparable to the quinjet, but still impressive for the time."
"No T'Challa and Shuri to help him," Bucky points out.
"No, but I have Howard. He'd good, better than good when he wants to be, not that I'm telling Tony that. And there's Natasha. She and I… she got tired of setting me up with other people and decided that no one else is stubborn enough to date me," Steve says with a grin that fades away quickly. "I'll miss you."
"I already do," Bucky answers with honesty, while he pointedly doesn't think about Natasha and Steve.
"You'll be all right," Steve said with conviction.
"Of course, punk." The lie comes easy, because he doesn't want to worry Steve. Steve has a job to do and he can't worry about someone in another reality.
"Take care, jerk." Steve squeezes his shoulder and leaves.
The stab of pain assaults him for an instant and he know that it won't be the last time.
That One That Shutters Expectations
Another week, another Steve. It's the fourth one. He looks just like he did when he left, but apparently he'd lived a full life in some alternate reality. Bucky is fine with that. He tells himself that he doesn't mind that Steve has found his forever with Peggy, except that this Steve is different.
"So you aren't together? Really?" He half expects Natasha's name to come up again, and he really doesn't want to think about it.
Steve shook his head. "I know what I thought, what we all thought. We did give it a try, you know, but I guess there were so many expectations that it never really worked out."
"And now you're saving the world again alone," Bucky said, because he can't make himself ask.
"Not alone. I have the Avengers with me, and you're with me." He ducks his head in that stupidly hot way of his, when he looks shy and 'oh shuck, how could this possibly happen to me?'. "I'm dating someone. You know her. Or this version of her. Sharon… Sharon Carter."
Bucky raises his eyebrows. He didn't expect that. "You're dating Peggy's niece. That takes-."
Steve interrupts. "It felt right. Peggy understands."
Bucky wants to ask if his counterpart understands, but he doesn't. He smiles at Steve and he says, "I hope you're very happy for a long time." It's true, or mostly true. Each new version shows him just how much he cares for Steve and each new possible reality shows him how much he wants to be the girl that gets Steve Rogers.
The One With A Twist
"Oh look, it's you again. It must be Tuesday," Bucky said with a grin when he meets the fifth version of Steve.
"Too many of me?" Steve asks with a grin.
"Only five, but there are never too many of you," Bucky answers.
"I know, all realities need Captain America," Steve says.
Bucky shakes his head. "No, not Captain America. I mean it's always nice to have a super soldier around to save the day, but there are plenty of super heroes around. Don't you know? They keep popping up lately. No, the world, this reality, any reality is better with Steve Rogers around. But you're not staying, are you? You gotta save a world with less super heroes, or more Nazis, or something."
Steve chuckles. "Or something. But yes, there are less superheroes, and… I've been seeing someone recently."
"Let me guess, Sharon Carter," Bucky says a little smug.
"Sharon? Peggy's niece? Heck, no," Steve answers. His face clearly says that anyone coming up with that idea insane. "Why would you even say that?"
"Hey pal, don't blame me. You're the one dating her in some reality. Speak to… well you," Bucky said with a chuckle.
"That 'Me' must have lost his mind, but no, it's not her."
There is a brief hesitation that makes Bucky worry, so he smiles at his friends. "Whoever she is, I'm sure she's great."
"It's not a 'she'," Steve says with uncharacteristic shyness. "I hope you're okay with it."
"Tell me it's not Tony," Bucky answers, because it's easier to joke than to think about the fact that Steve is dating a man. It was bad enough when Bucky thought that he couldn't have Steve because he was straight. It's unbearable now.
Steve laughed. "No, it's not Tony. It's Loki."
"What the-"
"Long story. Really long story," Steve says. "He's different now."
"Not homicidal you mean?" Bucky asks, because he's temporarily distracted from his own pain by the fact that Steve is dating an (formerly) evil demigod.
"For starters. He's changed and he understands what it's like to live for a very long time and not be as vulnerable as others. I didn't think possible, but it works."
Bucky nods as if he understands, - he doesn't - but there's nothing he can do. "At least he'll keep you safe." Thank God for small favors.
"He does. Keeping him safe from the rest of you isn't as easy," he said, chuckling.
"Well, tell him that he'll have to answer to me if he doesn't." It's an empty threat, but it makes Steve's smile. Bucky calls it a win and ignores the pain he feels when Steve leaves again.
The One that Counts
Bucky is at home. He's rented a new apartment in Brooklyn. Not downtown where they used to live, because sometimes since the war, their shitty neighborhood has turned into the most expensive in the city, even more expensive than Manhattan. His mother would laugh her ass off if she knew.
The apartment is all the way in Gerritsen Beach, with little public transportation, but lots of Italian and Irish Catholics. He rents the upstairs of a two family house. The landlord, Joe, lives downstairs with his very loud family. The many churches chime their bells at the same time on Sunday morning, and it feels like being back home in a strange way.
When there's a knock on the door, he goes to open, assuming that it's one of Joe's kids again. They love finding excuses to come and see his arm. He hates it, but never stops them. He opens the door and smiles. "Steve, come in. So how long are you staying?"
Steve frowns. "Why? Am I going anywhere?"
Bucky tilts his head. "You've seen Pym, right? Or Romanoff? Or anyone?"
Steve nods. "I saw Sam. I told him about the problems I had coming back. It didn't work, so I had to find Howard to help me out and somehow when I arrived, instead of the same day, it was almost three months later. I'm sorry you worried."
Bucky stares, willing himself to breathe again. Steve is back. "Others came back, but they left."
Steve smiles at him brightly. "Then you should have known that it wasn't me. We're stuck together. Until the end of the line, remember?"
"I… I thought you'd stay there, with Peggy." He tries to hide the pain, but he can't. Hydra would be horrified by how emotional he's being.
"It wasn't my destiny or hers. She's married and happy and I belong here."
Bucky sits on the couch, because he's not sure he can stand anymore and simply stares at Steve.
"Are you okay, Bucky?" Steve asks.
"I'm not sure. I keep losing you. I barely found you and I keep losing you, and you dated Peggy, Sharon and Natasha, and if you tell me that you want Loki, I will hurt you." He's not making sense, but how do you explain being gutted out every time a new version showed up and left?
Steve sits next to Bucky and puts a hand on Bucky's knee. "It wasn't me, Bucky. Peggy will always have a place in my heart, but we weren't meant to be. And Loki? Really? Actually all those options seem pretty terrible."
"You do have bad taste in women.. and men. I didn't even know. We've known each other all our lives and I didn't know," he says, sounding a little lost.
"If it helps, I didn't know either until I went back," Steve says, suddenly very serious. "I realized that no matter how many things there were to fix, I wanted to come home. To you. I know how crazy this probably sounds, but I needed you to know, and it doesn't have to change anything-."
Bucky shuts him up with a kiss, because everything he's wanted is right here and he needs Steve to know. Five returns and five departures have left him empty inside, but this is the one the one that counts, the one return that matters and that's filling him up with oxygen, hope and love. Maybe he can breathe again.
He pulls back and cups the back of Steve's neck. "You're not leaving me."
Steve shakes his head, smiling. "I'm not leaving you. In fact, I need a place to stay. I was hoping that I could crash with you. I'll take the couch."
"There's a second bedroom… but you can share my room, like we used to. Remember that cold apartment we had, sharing a bed because
"You can stay as long as you want," Bucky says, hoping that it's clear that forever is not long enough.
"I want to stay until the end of the line."