Fic: Drug of Choice
My second oz_magi fic (and this is really Oz)
Title: Drug of Choice
Pairing: Toby/Miguel
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Toby finds the perfect drug, and it was not what he expected.
Note 1: Written for visionofblue
Wish #32
Pairing/Character(s): Tobias Beecher/Miguel Alvarez (Or the two sans-slash if you can't get them to play that way.)
Keyword/Phrase: Post-Season 6; "Numbness is a cage, not a cocoon." (Doesn't have to be included as a line.)
Canon/AU/Either: Canon
Special Requests: Beecher has been down the sex/drug haze path himself, afterall. After the way the show ended, give a girl some hope?
Song or theme for Vid/Artwork: n/a
They had a new home, with a new name and some new guards, but nothing else had changed. The walls were still gray, the food was still tasteless, and the loneliness still permeated every inch of the prison. In this atmosphere, Toby should have felt despair take over, but instead he felt joyous because he was finally free, for the first time in six years he was truly free.
Sure, he was still in jail, but Vern was dead, and so was Chris. As much as he had loved Chris, it had been an addiction, one that had done much more damage than alcohol had ever done. The recent decision declaring Chris's death accidental had severed the last tie Toby still had with the past.
Toby found this newfound freedom as intoxicating as the finest brandy, as addictive as the most powerful drug. He decided that staying free from any emotional entanglement would be his new drug of choice.
They had new cells, with new cellmates and some old faces, but nothing else had changed. The air was still thick with despair, hope had flown away, and survival was the only thing that mattered. Miguel should have drowned in his misery, but he didn't, because for the first time since getting to Oz he was free.
Sure, he was still in jail, but now there was no El Norte to run, there were no plans to make. No, Alonzo took care of the world outside, giving Miguel what he wanted most: nothing to worry about, and when he couldn't stop from thinking, Alonzo gave him those sweet little pills that shut the rest of the world out, leaving nothing behind.
Miguel had no words to describe how the darkness felt. It wasn't exhilarating, it wasn't happy or sad, it wasn't painful or exciting. It was... nothing.
This state really needed to hire more competent architects when building jails, because even in this new correctional facility, supply closets were always available for business deals, rapes, and the occasional murder.
Toby had learned to ignore the noises that came from them. He'd witnessed enough violence to know better than to go inside, except when the cry came, he recognized the voice, and something inside Toby cracked. He could not let another man suffer what he had at Vern's hands.
He pulled the door open, grinning like a madman, shank carefully hidden in his sleeve, ready for a fight, but he had never expected what he saw inside. Alvarez was slouching on the floor, like he couldn't decide if he wanted to sit or lay down. He was clawing at himself, leaving red, bloody streaks down his arms.
Miguel looked, his expression a mix of sadness and awe. "I can't feel anything," he whispered.
"Alvarez, stop it... come on, stop it." Toby kneeled next to the man, and grabbed his hands. Red stained Miguel's fingernails, and a drop of blood fell on Toby's hand. "You gonna feel it when you come down," he said a little exasperated. Alvarez should have learned by now that drugs never solved anything.
"I can't feel nothing," Miguel repeated, laughing and struggling against Toby's grip.
Toby held tighter and he shifted until he had Alvarez resting against his chest. "It's okay, you'll be okay, it's the drugs," he murmured again and against until the hysterical laughing turned into a low sobbing. "Shh... Nathan will fix this; you know she will. C'mon, we don't want a repeat of Guerra," Toby said mostly to himself, since he doubted Alvarez was paying any attention to what he was saying.
He managed to walk Alvarez to the infirmary. The guards never stopped him, whether because he was the resident crazy or because Alvarez would scream the moment someone got closer, Toby'd never know.
Miguel opened his eyes to see a head resting on his mattress. "What the fuck?!"
Toby raised his head, and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Hey, how're you feeling?"
"Fucking fine," Miguel replied automatically, and then he saw the restraints secured at his wrists, and the bandages around his arms, and things started to come back. "Oh fuck!"
Toby grinned. "Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. That shit's gonna kill you, you know that."
"If Nathan doesn't kill me first..." Miguel shrugged. "It's one way to make all this end."
Toby shook his head. "That's where you're wrong. You're not supposed to make it end. You're supposed to survive until you're free again."
"Yeah, another fucking nine years," Miguel spat.
"You don't have to be out to be free," Toby answered, but Miguel didn't pay attention. They all knew that the lawyer was as fucked up as the rest of them, maybe even worse.
"What are you doing here?" Miguel asked instead.
"Nathan told the guards I was sick and needed to stay here. I think she wanted to make sure there was someone you could trust here."
"She could have called Torquemada," Miguel said with a grin.
"Someone who wouldn't get you high before you even woke up," Toby replied with a shit faced grin.
"Details, details," Miguel said with a chuckle.
Toby got up, and brushed Miguel's hand with his fingers. "Stay off that shit, Alvarez."
"Sure," Miguel said without meaning. "See you around, Beecher."
Toby closed the book and looked up when he saw the shadow cast in his cell. "Lower bunk is yours, keep the drugs out of the cell, and we'll be fine."
"Did you ask for this?" Miguel asked while he fixed the sheets on the lower bunk.
"You're shitting me, right?" Toby swung his legs around, dangling from the bed. "Whatever you and Torquemada have, I don't want to get in the middle. Sister Pete had other ideas though."
"Ah, so she's the one." Miguel sighed, and sat on his bunk. "Don't worry about Torquemada."
"I don't."
"It's not like you and Keller," Miguel added.
"Nothing is." Toby lay back down, and started reading again.
Toby woke up in the middle of the night. It hadn't happened in a long time, since... it was better not to think about that. He tried to understand why he was suddenly awake, and that's when he heard Alvarez murmuring in the dark. "You okay?"
"Yeah... no... need some tits, man."
Toby jumped off his bed, and sat on the bunk. "No, you don't, you just need some sleep."
"I can't... Shit, it's so dark, y'know...in my head, I mean. I started taking D 'cause I couldn't feel nothing, and then I was alive again... and now, even D isn't enough, y'know?"
"Yeah, I know... c'mon, scoot over." Toby ignored the glare, and lay down next to Miguel. "You know what's good here? Unlike Oz, once the guards make the nightly rounds, then there is no one to bother you for the rest of the night."
"What are you doing?" Miguel asked without too much vehemence as he felt Toby reach into the slit of his boxers.
"Shut up, Alvarez," Toby snapped. "Just feel," he added in a whisper before his fingers closed around Miguel's cock. Toby could hear Miguel's breath quicken as his cock hardened in Toby's grip.
Toby closed his eyes, and savored every moan, every gasp that Alvarez made, and as the man spilled into his hand, Toby learned something else. He wasn't free; he was numb, just as numb as Alvarez was. Needing and be needed, that was what had kept him alive inside for the past six years, and Alvarez wasn't Chris, but maybe it was the perfect drug to stay alive.
Title: Drug of Choice
Pairing: Toby/Miguel
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Toby finds the perfect drug, and it was not what he expected.
Note 1: Written for visionofblue
Wish #32
Pairing/Character(s): Tobias Beecher/Miguel Alvarez (Or the two sans-slash if you can't get them to play that way.)
Keyword/Phrase: Post-Season 6; "Numbness is a cage, not a cocoon." (Doesn't have to be included as a line.)
Canon/AU/Either: Canon
Special Requests: Beecher has been down the sex/drug haze path himself, afterall. After the way the show ended, give a girl some hope?
Song or theme for Vid/Artwork: n/a
They had a new home, with a new name and some new guards, but nothing else had changed. The walls were still gray, the food was still tasteless, and the loneliness still permeated every inch of the prison. In this atmosphere, Toby should have felt despair take over, but instead he felt joyous because he was finally free, for the first time in six years he was truly free.
Sure, he was still in jail, but Vern was dead, and so was Chris. As much as he had loved Chris, it had been an addiction, one that had done much more damage than alcohol had ever done. The recent decision declaring Chris's death accidental had severed the last tie Toby still had with the past.
Toby found this newfound freedom as intoxicating as the finest brandy, as addictive as the most powerful drug. He decided that staying free from any emotional entanglement would be his new drug of choice.
They had new cells, with new cellmates and some old faces, but nothing else had changed. The air was still thick with despair, hope had flown away, and survival was the only thing that mattered. Miguel should have drowned in his misery, but he didn't, because for the first time since getting to Oz he was free.
Sure, he was still in jail, but now there was no El Norte to run, there were no plans to make. No, Alonzo took care of the world outside, giving Miguel what he wanted most: nothing to worry about, and when he couldn't stop from thinking, Alonzo gave him those sweet little pills that shut the rest of the world out, leaving nothing behind.
Miguel had no words to describe how the darkness felt. It wasn't exhilarating, it wasn't happy or sad, it wasn't painful or exciting. It was... nothing.
This state really needed to hire more competent architects when building jails, because even in this new correctional facility, supply closets were always available for business deals, rapes, and the occasional murder.
Toby had learned to ignore the noises that came from them. He'd witnessed enough violence to know better than to go inside, except when the cry came, he recognized the voice, and something inside Toby cracked. He could not let another man suffer what he had at Vern's hands.
He pulled the door open, grinning like a madman, shank carefully hidden in his sleeve, ready for a fight, but he had never expected what he saw inside. Alvarez was slouching on the floor, like he couldn't decide if he wanted to sit or lay down. He was clawing at himself, leaving red, bloody streaks down his arms.
Miguel looked, his expression a mix of sadness and awe. "I can't feel anything," he whispered.
"Alvarez, stop it... come on, stop it." Toby kneeled next to the man, and grabbed his hands. Red stained Miguel's fingernails, and a drop of blood fell on Toby's hand. "You gonna feel it when you come down," he said a little exasperated. Alvarez should have learned by now that drugs never solved anything.
"I can't feel nothing," Miguel repeated, laughing and struggling against Toby's grip.
Toby held tighter and he shifted until he had Alvarez resting against his chest. "It's okay, you'll be okay, it's the drugs," he murmured again and against until the hysterical laughing turned into a low sobbing. "Shh... Nathan will fix this; you know she will. C'mon, we don't want a repeat of Guerra," Toby said mostly to himself, since he doubted Alvarez was paying any attention to what he was saying.
He managed to walk Alvarez to the infirmary. The guards never stopped him, whether because he was the resident crazy or because Alvarez would scream the moment someone got closer, Toby'd never know.
Miguel opened his eyes to see a head resting on his mattress. "What the fuck?!"
Toby raised his head, and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Hey, how're you feeling?"
"Fucking fine," Miguel replied automatically, and then he saw the restraints secured at his wrists, and the bandages around his arms, and things started to come back. "Oh fuck!"
Toby grinned. "Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. That shit's gonna kill you, you know that."
"If Nathan doesn't kill me first..." Miguel shrugged. "It's one way to make all this end."
Toby shook his head. "That's where you're wrong. You're not supposed to make it end. You're supposed to survive until you're free again."
"Yeah, another fucking nine years," Miguel spat.
"You don't have to be out to be free," Toby answered, but Miguel didn't pay attention. They all knew that the lawyer was as fucked up as the rest of them, maybe even worse.
"What are you doing here?" Miguel asked instead.
"Nathan told the guards I was sick and needed to stay here. I think she wanted to make sure there was someone you could trust here."
"She could have called Torquemada," Miguel said with a grin.
"Someone who wouldn't get you high before you even woke up," Toby replied with a shit faced grin.
"Details, details," Miguel said with a chuckle.
Toby got up, and brushed Miguel's hand with his fingers. "Stay off that shit, Alvarez."
"Sure," Miguel said without meaning. "See you around, Beecher."
Toby closed the book and looked up when he saw the shadow cast in his cell. "Lower bunk is yours, keep the drugs out of the cell, and we'll be fine."
"Did you ask for this?" Miguel asked while he fixed the sheets on the lower bunk.
"You're shitting me, right?" Toby swung his legs around, dangling from the bed. "Whatever you and Torquemada have, I don't want to get in the middle. Sister Pete had other ideas though."
"Ah, so she's the one." Miguel sighed, and sat on his bunk. "Don't worry about Torquemada."
"I don't."
"It's not like you and Keller," Miguel added.
"Nothing is." Toby lay back down, and started reading again.
Toby woke up in the middle of the night. It hadn't happened in a long time, since... it was better not to think about that. He tried to understand why he was suddenly awake, and that's when he heard Alvarez murmuring in the dark. "You okay?"
"Yeah... no... need some tits, man."
Toby jumped off his bed, and sat on the bunk. "No, you don't, you just need some sleep."
"I can't... Shit, it's so dark, y'know...in my head, I mean. I started taking D 'cause I couldn't feel nothing, and then I was alive again... and now, even D isn't enough, y'know?"
"Yeah, I know... c'mon, scoot over." Toby ignored the glare, and lay down next to Miguel. "You know what's good here? Unlike Oz, once the guards make the nightly rounds, then there is no one to bother you for the rest of the night."
"What are you doing?" Miguel asked without too much vehemence as he felt Toby reach into the slit of his boxers.
"Shut up, Alvarez," Toby snapped. "Just feel," he added in a whisper before his fingers closed around Miguel's cock. Toby could hear Miguel's breath quicken as his cock hardened in Toby's grip.
Toby closed his eyes, and savored every moan, every gasp that Alvarez made, and as the man spilled into his hand, Toby learned something else. He wasn't free; he was numb, just as numb as Alvarez was. Needing and be needed, that was what had kept him alive inside for the past six years, and Alvarez wasn't Chris, but maybe it was the perfect drug to stay alive.